Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Jai Mata di!

Wondering whts with the title of this post? well, i'm just gettin in the mood...coz i'm going to Vaishnodevi today!! Its gonna be freezing cold and its a steep 15 km (maybe more) climb to the shrine...but that's the fun! I know i'll come back with legs hurting real bad, and also probably with the severest cold ever...but who cares! What's fun without adventure and risks, right?! Sigh! There's a lotta stuff i need to get sorted out with Mata Rani... I hope She's not too busy! Anyway, I'll see you after 4 days- that is, if I get back alive!

Take care people! And wish me luck! :)
See ya

Shy's tag

Shy, I did this only coz ur a veryyy sweet girl!

10 words or phrases I use most:
1) how are you?
2) damn it!
3) oh shit!
4) O my God!
5) Chill/relax yaar!
6) Puhleeze!
7) Very funny!
8) Chhavi stop it! (used in context to my niece)
9) For God's sake!
10) Jesus H Christ!

I left out some coz the person who tagged me is still under 18!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Merry Xmas!

Hey everybody!

Merry Christmas! May the Love, Peace, and Joy of Christmas be yours always! God bless you all! Have a swell time!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Old Love

No, no, this isn’t a post on Jeffrey Archer’s collection of short stories…though they were splendid! I just stole the title of one of them, because well, I thought it was apt for the subject of what I’m going to write- my parents.

My parents got married way back in September, 1969. An arranged marriage, they knew nothing about each other. My mom, a young, innocent girl of 20 and my dad, a handsome 24 year old! Even after marriage they hardly got to know one another. My brother was born a year after and the 2nd one followed soon. Mom got bound taking care of two of the brattiest kids ever to be born while dad got busy with his ever-increasing workload.

Years went by. Just when they thought they could have some fun when my brothers were old enough to take care of themselves, I came into the picture. You’d think I’d do them a favor by being a good girl…no, sire! I monopolized all of my parents’ time and they got to spend none with each other.

Soon my brothers got married. Then my niece was born. Mom got busy and dad got busier. Their behavior with each other wasn’t what they really wanted it to be. They found time to quarrel with one another…and grew further apart.

It’s been a while now…I sort of, became used to their constant bickering. But I’ve noticed, ever since dad retired, it’s gone down considerably. Finally after all those years, they’re able to take time out for themselves. They go out a lot now, meet up with old friends, and spend quiet moments together. It’s so nice to see them look at each other with affection. My heart swells when I see them holding hands and taking walks together.
I smile, and realize my parents fell in love…again.

Friday, December 16, 2005


I’ve always been intrigued by the word ‘angel’. Who or what is an angel? Is their existence a myth, or a fact?

It has been said that Christians are "pretty narrow minded" to limit the population of the universe to merely God, Angels, and Man. However, within the classification of angels exist diverse myriads. Hierarchies of innumerable angels still populate the universe. These angelic non-human intelligent beings built civilizations in our solar system -- even upon the Earth -- before Adam.

Angels are intelligent beings who are non-human, intelligent, mysterious beings who are "alien" to us. The concept of an angel comes from the Greek aggelos; from the Hebrew ago for "one going forth" or "one leading"; messenger. Not all angels are "good". Although the angels were originally created by God to convey His "message" for His purposes according to His plan, some angels rebelled; some angels go forth to give their own message, to carry out their own plans.

The angels are represented throughout the Bible as a body of spiritual beings intermediate between God and men: "You have made him (man) a little less than the angels" (Psalm 8:6). They, equally with man, are created beings; "praise ye Him, all His angels: praise ye Him, all His hosts . . . for He spoke and they were made. He commanded and they were created" (Psalm 148:2, 5; Colossians 1:16-17). “They are spirits”, the writer of the Epistle to the Hebrews says: "Are they not all ministering spirits, sent to minister to them who shall receive the inheritance of salvation?" (Heb. i, 14).

That’s what they say…but its only one school of thought. I say I meet an angel everyday. The shopkeeper across the street who remembers me, the woman I met on the bus who helped me find a seat , the guy on the radio playing my favorite song, the kid who smiled at me for no reason, the dog that followed me home…they’re right here, taking care of me, ensuring my happiness.

Turning night to day
and sand to gold
Tears to smiles
and new to old,
Hold my hand
while I tread
This twisting winding
road ahead.
My angel, my friend
be by my side,
Until I conquer
the rising tide...

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Hug, anyone?

Today was an off from college. Found time to relax after ages! But too much relaxation can get boring eventually. Having found nothing better to do, I surfed the net for a while. And I came across this absolutely delightful poem that made me want to hug someone right away! I don’t know who wrote it, but it sure gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. And I’d love to share it with you all!

It's wonderful what a hug can do
A hug can cheer you when you're blue.
A hug can say "I love you so".
Or "Gee, I hate to see you go".
A hug is "welcome back again";
And, “Great to see you! Where've you been?"
A hug can soothe a small child's pain,
and bring a rainbow after the rain.
The hug! There's just no doubt about it--
We scarcely could survive without it!
A hug delights and warms and charms.
It must be why God gave us arms.
Hugs are great for fathers and mothers.
Sweet for sisters. Swell for brothers.
And chances are your favorite aunts
Love them more than potted plants.
Kittens crave them. Puppies love them.
Heads of State are not above them.
A hug can break the language barrier.
And make your travels so much merrier.
The more you give the more there's of 'em.
So stretch those arms without delay
and give someone a Hug today!

I just went and bear-hugged my niece and my mom. Oh and here’s a big virtual one coming your way!

Monday, December 05, 2005

The story tag

Well since this was a somewhat unusual tag, I decided its worth a shot. I was sposed to write a story beginning with ""She ran her hands over his face, his hair, tears streaming down her face all the while..." This is my first attempt at writing any kind of story...so feel free to barf!

So here goes nothing...

She ran her hands over his face, his hair, tears streaming down her face all the while...

"Mommy why are you crying" he asked, in a voice that was almost a whisper, and that made her cry even more.

Her thoughts went back to the time when he was born. A normal 3 pound chubby baby boy, he was all she had wanted all her life. At first she didn’t know how she would cope as a single mother, but when the doctor told her she was going to have a son, she couldn’t help dreaming aloud. Maybe he was all she needed to fill the void in her life. He was all hers. She decided to call him Aditya, because he was like the sun that lit her dark and empty world.

It amazed her to see how quickly Adi grew. He seemed to be in a hurry to discover the world around him. His eyes were always wide open, as if he was in awe of his surroundings. And he insisted on putting apart every toy she got for him, longing to know what lay beneath.

When Aditya started school, at first he was disturbed by the change in his surroundings. He wanted Mommy by his side, and her absence annoyed him. But soon he began to take an interest in the little people around him. He was happy to be able to communicate eye- to- eye instead of always looking up. It was only a matter of days when he became popular with his teachers and classmates. His witty answers and chatty nature made him the favorite kid in school. He developed a likeness for all sports, swimming being his passion. She was proud of him. When he won the trophy for being the best swimmer in his age group, there were tears in her eyes. They were happy together, in their own little world.

Then the world came crashing.

One sunny afternoon while playing with his friends, he suddenly fainted. She rushed him to the hospital. They told her they’d have to run some tests. Meanwhile Adi was admitted. “What is wrong with my son? Why can’t he go home?”, she demanded.
“Ma’am, please be patient. The test results would be out soon.” She had this nagging feeling that something was wrong. Very wrong.
The doctor diagnosed Adi with leukemia. As he broke the news to her, she could feel her knees going weak.
“How do I get rid of it?”, she asked bluntly.
“Well, leukemia is treated by combination chemotherapy and sometimes radiation, but…”
“But what?” The doctor looked her in the eye and said, “The five year survival rate for children diagnosed with leukemia and subsequently treated is approximately 70%.”
She slumped into a chair. She could feel herself trembling. Thoughts ran to and fro in her head. They’d given her son less than 5 years to live. It was so unfair. How could this be true? Maybe the doctor was wrong. Adi wasn’t going to die. He can’t. He had so much to do…he couldn’t leave his work unfinished, it would bother him. “No!”, she screamed startling herself as well as the doctor. Then she buried her face in her hands and wept softly.

She went to see him in his room. He was propped against a pillow, reading his favorite bedtime storybook. His eyes lit up, when he saw her. “Mommy!” She tried and composed herself. “Hey ace!”
She took his hand and kissed it. He threw his arms around her and said, “I’ve missed you! Can we go home now?”
She looked at him. He was so young, so small. Her eyes welled up at his questioning looks. Darkness was looming above, so close…and the sun was setting on her life.

Thursday, December 01, 2005


I know I said I'd try and post something cheerful next time...but being unwell sometimes takes its toll on you. And since an empty mind works overtime, I again came out with something dull. Please bear with me...

Misty, foggy, dull
The day matches my mood
People around me smile
So why do I brood?

I feel I want to cry
But no tears come out
I try to be happy
But still, I sit and pout

Anger, hatred, jealousy
Rest inside me
For whom, I don’t know
They’re waiting to be free

Should I let them out?
Or lock them somewhere
And hide the key
And pretend not to care

For fear they might hurt
Someone I dearly love
And break the delicate bonds
That God lovingly wove

I need to find a way
Out of this strange madness
And make sense of it all
Before I sink into sadness...

Sunday, November 27, 2005


Shut inside
That dark dingy cell
Trying to find a way out
Unable to take the gloom anymore
Tired of living in the murk
Scared of being alone forever
Screaming in frenzy
For somebody to rescue me
And set my soul free…
Nobody appears.

Conscious of being on my own
I grope about like a blind
Feeling the bare walls
With my hands
Looking for an escape
From that cage
Desperate for freedom
And then
I find a door
My spirits rise…
I hope to see light
With shaking hands I turn the knob…
It’s locked.

I sink to the floor in anguish
And waiting

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Hide and Seek

As I watch my 6 yr old niece running and shrieking at the top of her voice, chasing her friend around the house, I feel nostalgic all of a sudden. I find myself thinking of the time when I was 6, when I used to run around without a care in the world. When I used to go crazy over cotton candy, bawl and make a scene so my folks would buy me my favorite toy, make sand castles, get scared of a rubber mask, be kutty wid my friend and abba the next min! When i sneaked into my mom's room and smear all her lipsticks on my face, and wrap her dupatta around me like a saree and pretend to be a famous movie star! When my favourite meal was Maggi and a treat meant getting to eat a whole packet of Gems, without sharing! When I got excited about going to the railway station and look at the trains, or looking up and waving at the aeroplanes that went by, stupidly believing that they're waving back! When getting a 'star' in my notebook meant getting treated to an ice cream. When getting BonBon chocolate biscuits in tiffin was considered a delicacy. When I got nightmares of having to apply Dettol on my cuts and bruises and when band-aids were 'in fashion'!!

Being a kid was so much fun! I just stood and gazed at my niece, lost in thought...when all of a sudden, she looked up and called, "Bujiii, lets play hide and seek, but I'll hide and you'll seek!" I smiled and turned to face the wall and start the long count from 1 to 10...realising, I'm not so grown up after all! The kid is hiding inside me...all I have to do, is find her.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

A bitter reality

This is a very personal post. I was contemplating whether I shud post it or not, but I had to get it out ...its killing me.

Its about 2 of the most wonderul people I know and love...my brother and bhabhi.
They are the happy-go-lucky kinda people you come across...the ones that find a way to make you smile no matter how down youre feeling. They are the ones who will lend you a patient ear, hear you out and then find a solution to make all your troubles melt away. The ones that go out of the way to help you get out of a sticky situation. The ones that smile when they feel like crying, or laugh so you wont notice their tears.

My brother and bhabhi got married in February 2000. We were all so happy. My bhabhi is a jewel and my brother knew what she's worth. They love each other like crazy. In these 5 years theyve helped each other so much, and they have been rewarded well for their efforts. They have everything, but are still incomplete. They dont have a child. They cant have a child. And this bitter truth cuts through them like a knife.

They have been trying to have a baby for the past 3 years, but everything they do just falls short. Everytime, they come home, disappointed. And still dont say a word to anyone. They put on a brave face and smile through the pain. But I know, how lonely they feel. I see the yearning in their eyes when they see a baby. I see them look at each other with despair when they hear that some friend of theirs is expecting. I have seen them hug each other and cry softly. And I feel helpless, standing on the sidelines wishing there's something I can do to make them happy...

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

And again....

The tag season is on...and its catching on pretty fast! Its caught me twice...and tho I've tried, there's no way out!

I. 7 things i want to do before i die:
1. live!!
2. find a job where the lesser i work, the more i get paid! any ideas?
3. learn to drive!! the car turns into a monster the minute i touch the wheel!
4. open a dog shelter
5. make a place in the hearts of people who matter
6. go on a world tour
7. find my kinda guy...they've just stopped manufacturing them!! :(

II. 7 things i can do:
1. bake a cake!!
2. dance...sort of!
3. tidy up!
4. sleep for hours on end
5. bug people!
6. blow someone off for even trying to hurt an animal!! grr
7. be sugary sweet to people i like...and mean it!!

III. 7 things i say the most:
1. Oh f***!
2. Oh my gawd!
3. Seriously...
4. Shut up!5. Yeaaa?
6. Shit yaar!
7. No way!!

IV. 7 things i cant do:
1. Study!
2. be someone i'm not
3. cant drive...yet! :(
4. sit still without music
5. trust people easily
6. cant make conversation
7. cant look eye to eye

V. 7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. sense of humour
2. height
3. wit
4. honesty
5. confidence
6. big hands!!
7. sophisticated sense of dressing

VI. 7 Celebrity crushes:
1. John Abraham!! Mmmuah!
2. Tom Cruise
3. Keanu Reeves
4. Abhishek Bachhan
5. Hrithik Roshan
6. Jude Law
7. Jason Statham

VII. 7 people i want to tag:
This is tough!
1. Milo
2. Jayant
3. Triple Six
4. Steve
5. Cherubic Chipmunk
6. Anuj
7. Dhruv

Whew! Done wid it....please people no more tags!! Please...please...please!!! <:O

Friday, November 04, 2005


Walking along that familiar stretch
Times gone by, reflect in my mind
Smiles, whispers, moments shared
And then, regret, for being so blind

Blind for believing in fantasies
Naïve for trusting a lying snake
Crazy enough to fall in love
Foolish to put myself at stake

Locked myself in an illusion
Lived a façade for so long
With your honeyed words and false charm
Couldn’t place right from wrong

Then the bubble burst suddenly
And reality stepped in
But it was already too late
You’d already sunk your teeth in

You clawed at my trust, ripped my heart out
Hacked away my love, and slaughtered my soul
I whimpered, as life ebbed away
Betrayed, I let death take its toll

Days, months, years passed
The pain is still etched within
Still trying to let go of the past
Still trying, to live again...

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Happy Diwali!!!

Hey everyone! Wishing you all a very very happy Diwali!! Have a blast....but go easy on the crackers! :D God bless!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

The tag I couldn't escape

I had to spend considerable time on this one...coz I had wrack my brains to pen down 20 things about me. If u ask me to describe some1 else, it'll take me less than a minute. But its so damn tough to analyse oneself! Anyway, here goes:

1) I love my family...cannot dream of a life without them.

2) Love kids, but lose my patience around them very easily.

3) Fiercely faithful to my friends...n maybe a li'l possesive at times.

4) Shy, don't open up easily.

5) Extremely honest. Can be bitter sometimes though...

6) Perfectionist. Order freak.

7) Mmmm coffee!

8) Afraid of crossing roads. Thank God for subways!

9) Emotional wreck...can be hurt easily.

10) Lazy. Love to sleep.

11) Cant survive without my music.

12) Love winters.

13) Doggies...the cutest things on the planet!

14) Love to pamper and be pampered!

15) My turn on: the way a guy drives his car. No sudden jerks...should be swift, smooth...sigh! No wonder I fell head over heels for Jason Statham in 'Transporter'!

16) Game for ghost stories...even though I get a fright before you can say 'Gho...'!!

17) Believe that God's my best pal.

18) 2 words- John Abraham!!

19) Just love to bug my niece!

20) Love to read. Nething but course books!

Whew! Ohk, now I gotta tag some other people? Ok, Milo, TripleSix, Mr. Mediocre, Arz000n, Friend and umm Rash. Sorry folks! :)

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

In action!

Hey evry1! These are my goa pictures...i'm posting them a li'l late...and I'm only posting a few. But its proof that we all had a blast!! :D

At Vagador Beach:

Splashing at Calangute beach:

St. Francis Church:

Dancing aboard the cruise:

Monday, October 17, 2005

A really really bad day...

This post has been put togethr by us two miserable souls...triple six n mirage.

[Mirage]- We had a perfect start to the most pathetic day of our lives. My mom decided it wud be fun to throw a breakfast party for her friends at yoga...at 6 AM. We were rudely awakened by 'the morning people' as they lined outside our room, and used MY loo...not being the least considerate for two sleeping beauties.

[Triplesix]- So we were up since 6:30…..and all I cud hear was mirage cribbing…that we wud have a long day today….how right she was!! Our plan of action included, going back to my PG at north campus, then go buy gifts for two friends whose bday party we had to attend, and then we had planned to go for Flight Plan in the evening.

We cud do nothing of the sort.

[Mirage]- After reaching triple six’s PG, the world came crashing down, and our plan went down the drain.

[666]- Turns out, my PG owner, had placed a huge lock on my door…making it impossible for me to enter. On asking for the key, he refused outrightly and blew his top off…with his rage spilling out on us…

[Mirage]- We were taken aback to see that this 85 yr old frail looking man cud have so much energy inside him…and we were at the receiving end of his blind rage. Um, at least triple six was!

After much arguing, and glaring and coaxing and abusing, it was mutually decided that triple six wud have to go. Frustrated, tired and angry, we spent the next hour packing all of her stuff with her shouting at the top of her lungs, “My books and cassettes first….pack them first”!

[Triple six]- We dumped all my stff at my uncle’s place for the time being, and now homeless me is taking refuge at mirage’s place. And we’re so miserable rt now…and its been a tuf job trying to make this post funny….

[Mirage]- …esp for triple six, who’s a lot better than she was a few hours ago.

Our bday party, ruined, our movie schedule got delayed plus we hd loads of frnds calling us to ask what happened, and we having to repeat the whole incident word for word. Mentally, physically and emotionally drained….we’re now signing off.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

What a week!

hello all u beautiful people!! I'm back...n this time, for good! Thank u all so much for all those wonderful msgs...at least i knw there are people who miss me! No wonder i kept sneezing the whole time there!! hehe! ;)

well goa was fab...as expected! Apart from bruising my knee, dropping my cellphone in water, breaking my brand new sunglasses, my camera and mp3 acting strange, not to mention, the pathetic train journey, I managed to have a pretty good time!

We were 10 girls and since we didnt want separate rooms we got ourselves a big suite. Besides a li'l trouble with the washrooms, we adjusted pretty well! One night all of us smuggled some breezers and beer bottles into our room! Were up most of the night...!! Our teachers had strictly forbidden any sort of mischief! If only they knew...!!

I visited the famous Mangeshi temple, and St. Francis Church (plus another one who's name I cant recall). And of course the beaches! Miramar beach sucked...but I fell in love with Vagador (if thts how its spelt) beach, Baga and Calangute. Gosh, the walk from Baga to Calangute is mindblowing! I didnt want to go back! My friends n I saw crabs on the shore, and those tiny things coming out of the seashells. They were so beautiful. There were also these really small snails that the waves brought...we saw them bury themselves in sand, as if the pain of departing from their beloved sea was too much to take for them. Sigh...it was really awesome. Then my friends and I got busy collecting stones on the beach. I was amazed to see how beautiful they looked. Each was a different colour and size...truly unique. We all clicked loads of pictures. Will try and post some as soon as I can get them scanned. N guess what, I even got a li'l tattoo done on my shoulder. Not the real thing of course, but the ones that are painted and last for about 15 days or so. Looked rather sexy...! ;)

Then we were taken for a river cruise one evening. Not much to do, except enjoy the cool breeze. Then the same night, we were surprised by our tour coordinator and were taken to Tito's. Its supposed to be the most happening disco in Goa. We had fun, but only a fraction of what we could have. Because one, our teachers accompanied us. And two, it was an all girls party, which means no outsiders. :( n that would be fun only if ur a guy!

Neway, it was a memorable trip. On our way back, our juniours kinda made us senti and we all shed a few tears...but then they had their ways of cheering us up! Like smothering toothpaste over our faces while we were asleep. Or covering us from head to toe in talcum powder! Gave us a hard time, the brats! Man I'm gonna miss them so much! They are the best fachhas one could have! Goa is great...n it'll always be a special place for me.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Back...but not for long!


I'm back!! N tho its not been so long, I missed u all sooo much! I didnt notice when my blogmates became an indispensable part of my life. I still dont have an internet connection, but cudnt stop myself! I'm addicted to u! Love u all!

Hey guess what! I'm going to Goa! On a college trip. Even tho I went 2 years back, this one's gonna be special. First, coz its my final year of college...second, coz last time 3 of us went from our batch but this time its 20, which means my whole gang is going! Third, its Goaaahhh! We start on the 1st of Oct and we'll be back by the 8th. A whole week of sun, sand and sooo much fun!

Anyway, my new place is cool. Huge garden, lots of greenery...just the kind of place for a big family like mine!! The only problem is my college is reallyyy far. Today was the first time I went by bus, and its awful! For a one-hour class I've had to travel 4 long hours...aargh its back breaking! I wish they'd make a metro in this part of delhi!! Wishful thinking...

K i better stop boring u all! Take care people! N miss me! :)

Thursday, September 22, 2005

A li'l break

Hey all,
I'm gonna have to give u ppl a li'l break from the crap on this site! Because of the shifting, the pc has to go too...and i wud b out of touch for at least a week. So try n have fun! :) Take care every1! I'll miss u all! But, I'll be back! >:]


Monday, September 19, 2005

A new home...

We're moving. Since Dad retired early this year, we have to leave this government accomodation and shift to our own place. I was dreading this moment and now its here. I remember the first time we came here. I was only 3 years old. It didnt make much of a difference to me then. I was in a bigger, better place. A new playpen for me! I went about exploring my nest. I chose the master bedroom for me. Obviously mom n dad cud share! It was a nice place, with a huge balcony that overlooked a huge garden below. I knew I would go down to play soon, even if it was the neighbours' place. I knew how to use my cute looks and innocent charms to my advantage!

When I turned 5, I insisted on having a dog. So on our way back from Bangalore I found the perfect pup. Actually I found two. But Dad would only let me keep one. My cuteness mustve slipped a notch! But I was happy. I had someone who I could take care of! When I showed her to my brothers, they looked as excited as I felt. Our family was complete. Niki, my doggie, was the perfect companion. She was fun, fearless and faithful. She grew so fast that I hardly noticed when she got old. She died in this very house in my arms.

When I entered the teens, Dad added a new room. Finally, my very own space! With a door I could lock!! My bed, my almirah, my study-table....it was great! I put up posters of my favourite stars, set my stereo, hung a 'backstreet-boys' calendar and showcased my collection of soft toys! I've outgrown the last few, but I still love my room. Its small but its mine. I'm gonna miss it so much.

This house has so many memories attached. Both my brothers got married here. My niece was born here. All our celebrations, all our sorrows happened right here. The bare walls reflect happy faces, tears, anger, joy... I only hope that we can turn the new house into a home, just like this one.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Happy Birthday...to me!

I have finally beaten all the odds, have got past the awkward age alive...and hit the twenties!! Gosh I'm old! But who cares! Its my birthday!!! Yipee! Party time!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Dear God...

This is not a prayer. Nor is this a complaint about something I'm not satisfied with. And I'm definitely not blaming You for anything! In fact, You might be surprised to hear this, but I want to express my gratitude, for a change!

I want to thank You for making things alright. I want to thank You for helping me make the right decisions...even if they don't seem so right at first! Thanks for pulling me up when I'm struggling. Thanks for holding my hand when I reach out to You. And thanks for being so patient with me when I crib incessantly about insignificant things! With Your help, I've been able to own up to my mistakes- and make amendments.

You have blessed me with a loving family and supportive friends. You have helped me see how much they love me, and how much I love them. And how important they are to me in every way possible. I owe you a great deal for that.

Thanks for making me see beyond appearences and into the hearts of people around me and to help appreciate their inner beauty. Thanks for giving me a healthy body so I can make myself useful to those who are less fortunate. I know I complain about some things a lot, but deep down, You know I'm thankful.

You have been guiding me all these years. And I know You wont leave my side, ever. Thanks for being my best pal, my pillar of strength and the love I seek. Thanks for being there God. I love you.

Your baby

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Across the desert
bathed in moonlight,
I walk alone, barefoot
leaving footprints in the sand
Wandering under the gloomy sky
Whispering to the shadows
Dancing to the night's tune
Obsessed, possessed
Dark eyes, dark ways
dark tresses blowing across my face
Beckoning you to follow
A tired soul, a lost fool
I am a mirage
mystical, magical, mysterious
The closer you come,
the more I slip out of reach
Afraid to let you in my world
Afraid to unveil my secrets
I'm running away, from reality
Vanishing into the horizon
Disappearing, without a trace...

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

A Chapter Of Accidents

The last 2 weeks were...weird, to say the least. Call it "shani ka prakop" or anything else you like, but something was very wrong somewhere; because all around me I could see people falling ill!

Let me see, first my friend developed a strange stomach disorder and had to be hospitalised. And to think that just the day before this we were merrily chatting over a cup of coffee.

Then, my brother had to leave for Mumbai all of a sudden and returned 2 days later with a fever and a temperature of 105 degrees.

And the day before Rakhi, my friend and I decided to get some mehendi...she developed a severe skin allergy and her hand looks like Frankenstein's. Imagine, mehendi!! And according to the doctor, that happened to 1 out of 100 people!

Another friend of mine got migraine attacks and had to undergo a full body CT scan a day before his engagement.

One of my close friend's brother was admitted to the hospital for his stone operation.

Two of my classmates were down with viral fever last week.

And the other day, I came across Stone's blog and discovered he was covered in red-ant bites!

Is it the planets, or is it just me? I'm completely clueless! I wonder who's next...?? :S

Thursday, August 18, 2005


I stand still
as people rush around me
and painful thoughts surround me
I am alone, in a crowd
Faceless, nameless
in an invisible shroud
Lost in despair, drowning in darkness
I'm fading away, I'm fading away...

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I'm Off...

I'm going away this weekend...will be back Monday night. Thought I needed a break from my family...turns out I'm accompanying them. Feeling like shit right now...
Adios everyone.

P.S. I'm sorry Milo...really really sorry. Some things are just not meant to be.

Sunday, August 07, 2005


I still remember the first time I saw you...a small, shabby looking kid, hair all messed up, your uniform awkwardly hanging on your thin body. But you had an infectious smile, so when you grinned at me, I couldnt help but smile back. You were the first friend I had, because I was too shy to talk to any of the other kids. You befriended me when the others ignored me. That was back in KG; since then, we became inseparable.
We discovered we lived pretty close, so we were in the same school bus. It was fun sitting in the last seat- coz it was the biggest in the bus- talking and laughing, sharing secrets and sometimes quarreling over little things! You always gave in, in the end.
We were together until class IV, when there was reshuffling and you had to go to another section. But you were so lonely there, that your parents had to request the principal to change your section. We were together again. But I had new friends and couldn't be with you all the time. You used to beg me to play with you...I wish I had listened.
We soon moved to senior school and this time you couldn't be with me, in my class. But you always came to meet me in the lunch break. I forced to you to be friends with my other pals. But I was still your 'bestest' friend! I wish I could've understood how lucky I was.
As we grew up, distances between us grew too. My friends used to make fun of you...and I supported them. I can't believe I was so vain and selfish. You used to call but I didnt take your calls. You invited me to every birthday party you threw, but I always turned you down. I was happy in my own world, didnt think I needed you. I was so wrong.
In class eleven a classmate gave me 2 of your envelopes addressed to me. You had sent them through some teacher. I opened them, thinking it would be yet another invite to some stupid party. But they were letters that you had written in your broken handwriting. They said that you were very sick and wanted to see me. You missed my friendship. I knew this time something was really wrong. I called at your house, and they told me you were in the hospital...but they wouldn't tell me what happened. I had a sick feeling inside on my way to the hospital. I met your parents, your mom looked so sad. They said you were in the ICU. I couldnt talk to you because you were in a coma, but I could see you. My heart was sinking. I couldn't believe what they just said. Only a few weeks ago I saw you in school, you looked fine. How can you be in coma?? Its just not possible. They took me to the room where I could see you. I looked through a glass pane, and saw you surrounded by tubes, and needles stuck in your skinny arms. You looked so vulnerable. All the times we shared, all our memories washed over me as I gazed at you. I wanted to talk to you, to tell you how sorry I am, to ask for your forgiveness. But it was too late. You couldn't hear me.
On January 9, 2001, I got a call saying you passed away. It hit me like a bolt of lightening. You couldn't die. Not without talking to me one last time. I had so much to tell you, so much to ask you. But you just went away. You died without forgiving me. You died too soon.
You lived your short life with zest, Ayesha. You considered me your best friend but I was unfortunate to understand how precious and special you were. You've taught me so many things about friendship and love. Never again will I betray a friend. Never again will I choose a friend over the other. And I won't wait till the end to apologise to a friend. I'll never forget you... Ayesha, you with your sunshine smile. Happy friendships' day.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

What is wrong with the world?

First America. Then London. And now Egypt. They're everywhere! These terrorists have no face, no identity and no aim whatsoever. They are just plain jealous of these nations. One country alone isnt their enemy, its the entire world that they are mad at. For what reason, I fail to understand. What are they achieving by killing civilians, by claiming innocent lives? Rather than infusing terror, which is probably what they like to do, theyre generating an intense hatred towards themselves.

Osama and his like are the scum, theyre the ones that dirty our world and wouldnt let it grow. Theyre backward, because they still believe that our neighbouring nations are our rivals. They're greedy, because they want to rule the world. And they're insane, to think that they can achieve all that. They are also selfish, because they are sacrificing their own people for materialistic purposes. They're training youth in the name of jehad, in the name of God, to kill anyone who's goes against them and their orthodox views. This is what angers me the most. That even if Osama and his partners-in-crime perish, their students and followers will keep the 'tradition' of terror alive. What is jehad? Holy war? So were the Crusades, but no one ever said Crusades were good.

This clan has also managed to create hatred among people. Violence breeds violence. After the attacks in London, the focus of the London authorities has shifted to all the Hindus and Muslims living there. They are the ones being attacked because they "almost look the same"! This is insane!

If these miscreants say that they do all this to 'make the world a better place' then forgive me for laughing out loud! Since when did paradise mean bombing countries, blowing up subway trains and murdering people??

What is this world coming to?

Saturday, July 23, 2005

What does it mean to be a lover?

The following is an extract from the book, Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul. This specific article is written by one of the authors, Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D.

What does it mean to be a lover? It is more than just being married to or making love to someone. Millions of people are married, millions of people have sex- but few are real lovers. To be a real lover, you must commit to and participate in a perpetual dance of intimacy with your partner.
You are a lover when you appreciate the gift that your partner is, and celebrate that gift every day.
You are a lover when you remember that your partner does not belong to you- he or she is on loan from the universe.
You are a lover when you realize that nothing that happens between you will be insignificant, that everything you say in the relationship has the potential to cause your beloved joy or sorrow, and everything you do will either strengthen your connection or weaken it.
You are a lover when you understand all this, and thus wake up each morning filled with gratitude that you have another day in which to love and enjoy your partner.
When you have a lover in your life, you are richly blessed. You have been given the gift of another person who has chosen to walk beside you. He or she will share your days and your nights, your bed and your burdens. Your lover will see secret parts of you that no one else sees. He or she will touch places on your body that no one else touches. Your lover will seek you out where you have been hiding, and create a haven for you within safe, loving arms.
Your lover offers you an abundance of miracles every day. He has the power to delight you with his smile, his voice, the scent of his neck, the way he moves. She has the power to banish your lonliness. He has the power to turn the ordinary into sublime. She is your doorway to heaven here on earth.

Across the years
I will walk with you-
in deep, green forests;
on shores of sand;
and when our time
on earth is through
in heaven, too,
you will have,
my hand.
-Robert Sexton

Monday, July 18, 2005

Chawri Bazar

Today was one of the best Sundays I've had in years! Nothing out of the ordinary but just got to live the simple life for a few hours. And the fact that my whole family was together also might add to the fun!

It wasnt a lazy morning today. We were all up and ready to go by 10 AM. When last night Dad told me that we'll be going to Chawri Bazar, I wasnt really keen. I've always heard that its a cramped up place, full of small crowded alleys and filled with the dank smell of cooking oil...eugh! I agreed anyways because its not everyday that all 8 of us go out together.

We took the new underground metro from Central Secritariat to Chawri Bazar. I am very impressed with our Metro. Its a great package altogether with state-of-the-art stations and trains. In fact, my brothers found it better than the London metro. Just hope dilli ki janta is careful not to ruin the clean stations with their paan spits!

Anyway the escalators brought us right onto the road at Chawri Bazar. I don't remember coming here at all, though Dad insists that he used to get us when I was about 3 years old. It wasnt at all like I expected. We were right in the middle, surrounded by small kiosks selling God knows what-not! We followed Dad onto a 1-foot broad footpath with people everywhere and no place to stand. We walked into what looked like a small dhaba which was packed with sweaty, hungry people crammed together in groups, gobbling away. We had to wait 10 mins for a table to be free. We finally sat down admist wailing children at one side and roaring sardarjis on the other. I was hungry and could hear my stomach growl. And the heady smell of poori chholey made my mouth water. Finally food arrived in small steel plates and we dug in. It was yum! After a hearty brunch we tried their famous lassi...whew! It was great! On a normal day I wouldnt have let such oily food pass my lips...but today was an exception! Today was special.

Among so many people and my own family I reflected on the good old days when everything was so simple and uncomplicated. I didnt feel icky at all like I was expecting to. Instead I felt happy and strangely relieved. I wish there are more Sundays like that... :)

Thursday, July 14, 2005


Strangers'Inc asked me why I loved rains. Here's why...

Sitting silently
Eyes waiting, searching, questioning
And then, I hear
that familiar rumbling
lift my eyes, full of hope
and see the dark clouds looming above,
like old friends
Theyre back!
A smile tugs at my lips
I rush outside
trampling on the soft grass
gaze at the grey sky
Thundering, bellowing clouds
announcing their presence
I close my eyes and spread my arms,
welcoming them...

A drop caresses my face
followed by another
and another
Soon there are so many
showering like heavenly petals
sliding down my skin,
hugging my body,
trickling through my fingers...
Drenching my soul
Soaking my pain
Cleansing my mind
I feel pure, blessed, relieved
Enveloped in a wet embrace
I feel loved...

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

I tagged myself...

What...I was bored! Couldnt think of anything else...sorry folks!!

· Megha
· Megz
· Buji (my niece calls me that)

· galpal
· Mirage
· megz1409

· My eyes
· my smile
· my posterior! ;D

· My nose
· My hair...wish it was longer
· My nails (never grow!!)

· Respect for everyone
· Honesty
· Less patience!

· Being alone
· The day before the exam results!

· Floaters
· Cellphone
· Moneyyy

· Track pants
· T- shirt
· A bored expression

· Honesty
· Trust
· Lots of hugs and kisses!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
· I love dogs
· John Abraham is not hot
· I love when it rains

· Height
· Sense of humour
· Nice big clean hands

· Go out on a romantic date!
· Read an interesting novel
· Ride a horse

· Public Relations Officer
· Human Resource Manager
· Writer

· East India- Sikkim, Darjeeling, Arunachal...
· Austria
· Malaysia

· Boy- Aditya, Ansh, Dev
· Girl – Gayatri, Palak, Saima

· Open an animal shelter
· Fall in love
· Make everyone around me happy


Friday, July 08, 2005

Annoying Post

This is going to be bad...coz I'm in a bad mood. So I recommend not reading this coz it'll bug you too. Oh well, read it at your own risk...

This is a list of things that annoy me most. You still have time. Stop right here and go do something productive. No?? Ok, fine, don't say I didnt warn you...

Things abt myself that annoy me:
1) When I fall asleep with my mouth open...cant help it if my nose is blocked. (Oh I never would have known this if my friends and family members werent kind enough to click me while I was fast asleep)

2) When my hair grows frizzy...I hate when that happens

3) When I correct people if they misspell or mispronounce a word...gosh I'm so sorry I don't know why I do that.

4) When I have an exam the next day and can't concentrate on work and can't stop daydreaming about post exam plans.

5) When my wrist bone becomes prominent...I don't know why but it just looks icky and I cant stand it.

Ok cant think of anymore rt now...u still with me? God you're stubborn arn't you?

Annoying people:
1) When someone mistakenly dials my number and then messages in the middle of the night saying they wanna "do friendship with you" coz they "like your voice"...oh how lame is that!

2) And then give you missed calls for the rest of your life

3) When people you meet for the first time babble incessantly as if they've known you forever.

4) Wannabes trying to be oh-so-cool dudes!

5) Bad breath

6) Guys who don't trim their nails

7) People who blow their car horns deliberately to irritate you

8) Musical (if u call it that) brakes on motorbikes

9) Mom trying to wake me up at 4:30 AM by putting off the A/C and parting the curtains.

10) If that doesnt work she calls on my cellphone so that I have to get up to put the damn thing off.

11) When people take me by surprise. I like surprises...but only the ones I know of. I guess that doesnt make any sense...

Had enough yet?? Wait there's more...

Some things I'm obsessed with:
1) The curtains need to be parted from the middle, not pushed to one side...it just doesnt look right.

2) While setting my blanket, the side with the label has to face towards my feet and not my head...that's the way its meant to be

3) Never ever touch my toothbrush

4) In fact, don't touch anything that belongs to me without prior permission

5) Mushrooms are a fungus and they have a weird smell...I cannot eat a stinky fungus so don't force me

6) Cellphone batteries...they never last

7) Bugs and roaches that make weird sounds at night...I cant sleep with weird bug noises

8) Cobwebs

9) Plain milk...it smells bad.

There are lot more but I can't list them all...thank God for that!

You don't think I'm a freak do you?

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Fantasy World

Take my hand and come with me
come explore my dreams
Be anyone you want to be
and anything you feel

We'll be the puffy clouds
and float in the sky
We'll be the tiny raindrops
and soak everything dry

We'll be the sparkling sun
and fill the world with light
We'll be the shining stars
and glow through the night

We'll plunge into the sea
and swim to the ocean floor
We'll ride the frosty waves
and kiss the sea shore

We'll become the wind
and sway with the trees
We'll be the leaves and flowers
and blow with the breeze

We'll be the desert sand
and build castles of our own
We'll be the mighty mountains
and don a cloak of snow

Step into my fantasy world
forget about the rest
Let my dreams free your soul
and fill you up with zest

Wednesday, June 29, 2005


I'm laying in my bed facing up, looking at the whirling fan...listening to Robbie Williams singing in my ears... "not sure I understand. this role I've been given...I sit and talk to God, and He just laughs at my plans...my head speaks a language, I don't understand..." its almost hypnotic. I feel one with it.

The room is dark with the lights off and curtains drawn. Perfect. I realise if I lay like this, I feel my insides going numb. I don't feel anything. My eyes are open wide but I'm just staring into space. The only thing I hear, besides the song, is the sound of my breathing. Feel like I'm under a spell, a spell of peace. Numerous thoughts are running in my mind, as if in a frenzy. but a strange calm has fallen over me...as if time has stopped and the world has come to a standstill.

I almost feel crucified by an invisible force, but there's no pain, no tears. Everything around me is frozen...

I want to get up and go out, but just cant move. My body refuses to respond to anything...feel paralysed.

And slowly, I drift away...

Monday, June 27, 2005

Words of Wisdom!

Funny expression of life!!

Sunday, June 26, 2005


Every morning when i read the papers i esp look fwd to the astrology section in the supplements. It hardly ever turns out to b true but i like reading it anyway.

They said yellow is my LUCKY colour for today. i personally hate yellow...but decided to smell a yellow flower anyway. Flowers are always nice...or so i thought until i got stung by a wasp; ironically that too was yellow.
The sun's yellow...and at this moment its shining real bright...restricting me from going out anywhere. no luck there...
My niece smothered yellow paint over my arm just after i'd had my bath.
Ok i guess u got the point...
The daily horoscope that comes in my mail is asking me if i "tend to be self-effacing"...what the...??
They said my lucky months this year would be January and May...i had my exams during these months.
They said my romantic months would be February and June. I was on a train on 14th Feb. And June is almost over but no romance yet...!

The thing is when i know that nothin the astrolgers say is ever gonna b true why am i always intrigued by them??!! Could b curiosity, or mayb i just like to knw what'll happen next...or mayb its just plain stupidity!!

Its time for lunch...guess wht i'm having. yellow dal!! ugh!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Its over...

I'm sitting by the window
staring at the horizon,
wondering to myself
if this life has a reason

Meandering down dark streets,
no one by my side
I look up at the starry sky,
searching for that light

Would it really make a difference, i muse
if I wasnt there...
maybe they'll shed a tear or two,
and send up a prayer

But everything will be
just the way it was
and one of them missing
with not much loss

I caress it with my fingers
Feels cold, hard and beautiful
I pick it up and load it,
and put it to my skull

Close my eyes, a tear rolls down
Pull the trigger...

...and its over.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Money matters

I'm broke. I'm kinda ashamed to admit it, but i still survive on the pocket money...that my dad supplies me with at the beginning of every month. The first 15 days are blissful...loads of shopping, partying, movies and freaking out! I'm a spendthrift, to the core. But only for the 1st 15 days of the month. Its towards the end of the 'honeymoon stage' that i realise i have slightly more than 135 bucks left to last me for the rest of the month. That's when i undergo a personality change. From being a bindaas shop-a-holic to being a 'kanjoos kadki'! I try and save up as much as possible...try and use the bus to get to and back from college (the 5 rupee coins for the bus fare i 'borrow' from dad's change-box!), not splurging on the canteen food, absolutely no shopping, being home on time. My folks are the happiest then...ironically me being just the opposite. Everytime i promise myself..."nah next month se i'll save" but cant deny myself the temptation of encashing my desires! Sigh! I wonder if i'll have any savings in future...money matters are beyond me! :[

Sunday, June 12, 2005

At Last!!!

Finally!! After 1 month and 13 days of screaming, cribbing and wailing my eyes out in front of my family, i have finally succeeded in convincing them to send me away...um for a few days. I have tried every known trick in the book to try and make them see sense!
I've tried studying (even if it was fake), or being 'responsible' at times (like cleaning up my room, or making tea for everyone), wearing sensible clothes (my dad prefers seeing me in suits rather than shorts so thts a good way to 'patao' him!!), and god knows wht other stuff!
I had reached the end of the line when yesterday i got the good news. "You're going to shimla..." I could hardly believe my ears! At last I'm goin out of &*%$ delhi! So what if its shimla and so wht if i've been there almost all my life and almost every year, and so what if i'll b under nani's constant supervision...at least its not delhi, and its gonna b cool n nice. A break i really need coz i've had it up to here with dilli ki garmi n dilli ke log!
I was still sceptical about the whole thing n was hoping dad won't go back on his words. But now there's nothin to worry! Coz now i have the tickets! Yay! I'll be off tuesday morning :)) and back on sat :( Short, but beggars cant be choosers!
I'm outta here!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

What if...

A really strange thing happened today.
I began my day with the usual lazy-bones attitude...not a care in the world, sleeping away to glory. was very rudely dsiturbed around 12 in the afternoon with the phone ringing in my ear. Groaning i saw it was an unfamiliar number. I debated whether i should answer it or not. but since i'd already been snapped out of my slumber i thought ok i'll answer it. it was 'devdas' a friend of my friend's (milo). "hey megz pack ur bags, we're leaving for mussourie today afternoon". I looked at my phone and blinked. "Hello"?? "Megz....be fast we'll miss the train!!". i couldnt think. i thought it was an extension of the dream that i was having a few minutes ago. after a whole minute, i asked, "uh is milo around? can i speak to her"? on hearing a familiar tone of voice i realised i wasnt dreaming. "whts goin on" is all i cud say. but she was just as clueless. i said, "i dunno...i gotta convince mom n dad". devdas snatched the ph and said, "i'll speak to them...jes start packing".
for the next half an hour devdas n milo coaxed mom to send me with them. in the end she agreed "but only if her father allows". great. that's like asking a mountain to move. i was keeping my fingers crossed. with shaking hands i dialled dad's number...only to get the busy tone. somehow i told mom to deal with it. meanwhile milo n devdas kept calling on the other ph every 2 mins. they sounded so excited! listening to their plans got me all excited too. we strtd deciding wht clothes we'll carry, and wht places we'll go see...basically day dreaming. then mom came n said dad was really busy at work...and the 2 mins he spared to talk to her basically consisted of the words, "no", "never" and "nothing doing". i could hear the sound of glass breaking in my ear.
I called milo with a heavy heart and told her to go ahead without me. hearing this, milo's mom came into the picture...but nt on a very positive note. " if megz parents arnt sending her, you're not going anywhere either."
devdas has gone on his own. i and milo maintained 2 minute silence for our lost dreams. and here we are, still stuck in the simmering summer of delhi...still wondering, what if....

Sunday, June 05, 2005

My life...or is it?

Our brains never stop thinking. Something or the other keeps running in our minds. even if we're sittin idle, our mind's racing all the more. most of wht i think is crap, though! nowdays since i'm free from my exams my mind's working overtime...pumping out all sorts of ideas. its better to let it run...

I find myself thinking about my life, (how selfish no?!)... about wht is going on... and wht am i doing with it. i haven't really thought about it u know... whts it gonna b like after college...wht shape will my career take...where am i going to go...

can't believe my last yr of college has almost begun. it seems so soon! i jes strtd enjoying..n now i'll hv to get serious agen! there's so much to do...n so little time! jes dont knw whr to strt.

in my family everyone's goin their own way...they've chosen their paths...i feel so out of place. the only one with nothing to do...a burden.

my friends are all so smart and confident...they know exactly wht they want from their lives and how theyre gonna get it...why am i so clueless?!

My whole life is a question...the purpose of my existence is a question. and i dont knw where to find the answer...

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Tagging along

wo..didnt think i'll be tagged someday! i wish i wasn't...bt it happened too soon.
well, i have nothin better to do anyway...

1.Films I own:
Um i don't own any as such...only watch the ones my brother does..apparently he has good taste. so if i count them theyre about 40 i guess! i didnt count tho..there cud b more

.2.Last film I bought:
i usually prefer seeing them at the theatre coz they take up unnecessary space! so technically the last one i bought was two weeks' notice.

3. Films that I watch a lot or mean something to me:
ok this is tuf. Films dont really mean much..jes a good way of tuining ur eyesight! but let's see:
Hitch- coz thts one movie tht was genuinely funny
Ice Age- its abt me n my frnds...nika is the weasel, milo is the mammoth and i'm the sabretooth! grr!!
Spirit- ah freedom!
Phir Milenge- awesome film..really true to life
Black- brilliant movie

Find five to tag people I must. Extra one for luck.
five people...i hardly know any blogger!! no luck huh?!
um ok TripleSix, the Monk, desperado..damn i don't know any1 else!

sorry guys..i knw this is agony...but if i can get thru alive..so can u!

World Wide Weirdos

The web's a cool place...the world at your tips! so much stuff to do...and learn. And of course a very important element of the net is chatting. You meet all kinds of people from all walks of life. n sometimes its interesting to share their experience. Some of them are students, even teachers, professionals, businessmen, sometimes really funny ppl! once a guy told me, "sorry i cant talk to u, ur astrological sign isnt compatible with mine...!!"

And then there are the weirdos.

By weirdos i mean ppl who have nothing else to do except think about sex and all the things related to it...the perverts.
The most FAQs asked by these weirdos on the very first day of chatting include:
Are u a virgin?
what are ur stats?
Do u cyber?
whts ur ph no.?
and the funniest was, "plz give me ur ph no..i promise i wont call."
wht else wud u do...engrave it on the wall?!

There are many of them strewn across the web...if only u cud guess from their id's!
here's a conv b/w me n one of the weirdos, um let's call him Jackass:

Jackass: hey
me: hello
Jackass: asl?
me: 19/f
Jackass: cool
me (thinkin to myself): whts so cool in that?
Jackass: so u got a bf?
me: nope
Jackass: oh..hey r u a virgin?
me: how is that your concern?
Jackass: jus askin baby!
me (agen thinkin to myself): baby??!
Jackass: hey wanna cyber?

window closed. block this person.

tht is just one of the many jackasses that click on ur name with a ray of hope...

there's also this strange kinda unwritten norm on the net tht i always thought was rather strange...tht girls can only chat with guys, and guys can only chat with girls. I jes came to knw how imp it is to stick to this rule.

while i was happily surfing, a window jumped open. this was the conversation that followed b/w me and lets say...Freaky:

Freaky: hi there
me: yea?
Freaky: wanna chat?
me: um, ok
Freaky: i'm "*****", from Delhi. whr r u from?
me: delhi
Freaky: m/f?
me (thinkin "u cud guess tht from my id u ass!"): f
Freaky: great, me too!!!
me (thinkin sarcastically..wow wht a coincidence)
Freaky: so u goin around wid some1?
me (why do they always hav to ask this?!): nope
Freaky: ok..will u go around wid me?

i had to log off after this. now i have no girl (thank god) on my messenger list. and i'm seriously contemplating whether i shud talk to guys also...in fact i'm thinking i'll give chatting a break...the weirdo world can do without me.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Testing times

WHY??! For the love of god, tell me why do we have exams!? i wish life was one great big joyride without any speedbreakers...esp without road blocks like exams where you will bump ur head no matter how hard u press the brakes!
I did crash into an exam today...literally crashed! the examination room looks like a dingy dark dungeon..where i will have to spend 3 hours (tht seem like a decade) filling a sheet while begging my brains to remember wht i flipped thru in the morning! but my brain..like me doesnt retain anything. and i'm blank. so i look around. my friend's writing away to glory...she must knw everything. i look at the question paper again...thinking...8 questions, with a choice of answering any 5...5 huge massive monsters. i cud almost imagine them slithering out of the paper...dancing around my head, grinning n showing off their devilish teeth! Wht a dreadful sight! suddenly i'm snapped out of my reverie with the invigilator glaring at me...i look down at my paper...try and give it another shot. Problems faced by small newspapers...i've read that somewhere. and hey it all comes back...yay! i knw one ques! one monster's down, 4 more to go! n i suddenly feel like a powerpuff girl..."fighting crime trying to save the world"...fogot the rest!
and i finish my paper in time...n slide of the dungeon!
when i got bak..i opened my notebook to chk if wht i'd written was ok. it wasnt.
Oh no...i can see the monsters coming back! i think i'll need to be more than a powepuff girl this time....gulp

Sunday, May 29, 2005


I got an sms from a friend the other day. It went like...there's no difference b/w love marriage and arranged marriage. Its like asking someone if you want to be hanged or commit suicide! I totally agree!
The thing is I'm turning 20 this year. I can hardly believe I've had 20 whole years of existence. Seems like a hell lot of time! And my granny is around these days to visit mum. So you know how elders can be...pretty nagging at times! Especially when they bring up the most hateable topic of all time...marriage. Nani has been incessantly telling me to go in the kitchen and learn to cook! "Saure jaana hai..kuchh sikkh le...saas kad maaregi!" Thnx nani...tht just makes my fear of marriage go up 10 times! She's been telling just about everyone in my family to look for a "munda" for me...and I'm beginning to feel they're all falling for her advice. How can I get married so soon!!? and that to, to my parents' choice!? Ugh! They don't know wht I want..how can they choose a hubby for me! Just the thought of being with ONE man my entire life sends chills down my spine! He'll be there when i wake up, he'll be there when i'll go to sleep, at breakfast, at dinner...god! and whatt if he farts...or burps...or worse, snores!! Aaarggh! No way....nani's nagging has to stop...i don't want my folks' thoughts going in tht direction! I'm just not ready...to die!!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

feeling blue

drab day today. very depressing. still try n put up a cheerful face. don't knw how to vent my feelings. feelin hopeless...this seems to be the only way. had an exam today...sleepily went and gave it. met my friends...sure i laughed with them but it was hollow...not from the heart. came back home n found my niece merrily fiddling with my stuff...screamed at her. one way to get my frustration out i thought...but feelin worse. then unwanted guests descended on me. tried to b invisible but courtesy made me do otherwise. then mom told me my brother cried today. my 32 year old married big bro cried like a baby in my nani's arms. tht ws it. jes cant take it anymore. all this pain, this sadness that surrounds me. cant even cry...dont want ppl comin up n givin me a reassuring hug sayin everything will be fine...coz i knw it isnt. i wanna scream...scream at my dad for being so shallow and vain, shout at my bro for givin in to his grief, shout at my bhabhi for not showing what she's really feeling, shout at my niece for not understanding...but jes cant. cant share this with anyone...coz nobody wud understand. they'll all get me wrong. n it'll make everything worse. so i'll just remain silent...n invisible. something i've excelled in with time. god plz...plz make evrything alright.

Friday, May 06, 2005


i always thought it was easy to trust people. so i take everyone at face value. i have had a few jolts in life bt i thought that ws all a misunderstanding. but now as i'm growing older i find so many two faced people around me. in front of my very own eyes i have seen people change sides. someone who i considered a friend turned against me...bt behind my back. i hate backstabbers. why cant people be honest? and they pretend everything's fine bt as soon as u look away they'll stick a knife in ur back. sometimes i wonder if trust even exists today. how can u tell who's ur friend and who's a traitor? will i become a liar myself?

Saturday, April 16, 2005


sometimes u meet someone as a casual acquaintance and he becomes a part of ur life without u geting to know it. he's so far...and yet u feel he's near and u can talk to him anytime u want. u can share ur innermost thoughts with him...listen to him patiently...feel sad when he's in a problem...feel like doing everything u can to help him out...why do u care for him so much?
and then one day...he's gone. so far...tht u cant reach him. u call out to him...bt he cant hear u... will he come back? will u wait for him? how long can u wait...wht if he never comes back? why dyu miss him...he was just a friend rt? then why dz he feel like something much more...

Sunday, March 13, 2005

crazy thing called love!

isnt love grand!?
wowowow i'm not the one who's in love! but its gr8 to see that most of my frnds are! there's ritika who's recently made a bf, n then there's netra who's started lookin lovelorn all of a sudden! then bhajji who smiles everytime he calls bt dznt admit that he's the one!! silly girl! n then there's milo! i dont know wht to do wid her! n kunal too...why cant they make up their mind! they both know theyre perfect for each other! oh btw i'm the mediator here! i have to patiently lend my ear to both these 2 n try and give them some words of wisdom! sigh! kunal's totally head over heels for milo, n milo knows he's become more than a frnd...bt u c the problem is nobody's sayin anything! theyre both thinkin bout the future! sure its a good thing...u shud think ahead..bt something tht hasnt even strtd cant hv a future! i wish they'd ferget abt whts gonna happen n concentrate on whts happening rt now! its not easy to find true love...heck i know that better than any1 else! bt its rt here infront of them n they're letting it go by! i wish they'd hold on to it or it might just b too late! jes keepin my fingers crossed for these lovebirds! hope everything turns out fine..for every1!

Saturday, January 01, 2005


Dawn sets in, a fine morning
Sun’s waking up, waves lapping
“Perfect start to the perfect day”
Unaware of the danger that lay

Pink clouds turned black
A storm brew, the sun shrank
Frosty waves became Satan’s Waters
Swallowed all- people trees, cars, quarters

The sea’s merciless fury roared
Drowned in fear, souls soared
Agony surrounded the quiet beach
Life slipped out of reach

Homes sunk, families lost
Eyes searching bodies tossed
God’s rage spared nothing
Shattered and crushed everything

Broken hearts, moist eyes
Call out and question the skies…
i hope those poor souls find peace...