Monday, December 31, 2007

Wild Weekend!

My Christmas weekend was just awesome. My friends and I had taken a short trip to Jim Corbett National Park, in Uttaranchal. Waking up at 4 am for the cab ride was a pain, but once we all were together, time just flew. Within 5 hours we were at our resort- the Corbett Nature Resort. I have to admit I had some inhibitions about the place when I’d first heard of it, but when I got there I felt as if I’ve drifted into a dream. With the jungle in our front yard, and River Kosi in our backyard, what more could we ask for! We’d booked 3 cottages between the six of us, and they were exactly like the cute little huts that we used to draw when we were kids; complete with the tiny window, door and hay roof. It was simply adorable!

My friends and I have a bad habit of being laidback. And so as usual we hadn’t booked a safari for ourselves. After taking a power nap, we went to the booking office only to know that all jeeps and elephants were booked. We moped around, feeling awfully dejected, when two of my friends decided to try again. They went back to the officer and ever so sweetly told him, “bachhe hain sir, kitni umeedon ke saath aye hain, please try to kijiye na”. I don’t know what came over that man, but the next minute he was signing the permit for a FULL DAY jeep safari! We were absolutely ecstatic!!

We spent the rest of the day exploring the riverside, behind our resort. The surroundings were breathtaking. Just across the river, was the forest and we could see the outline of mountain peaks over the horizon. The water was somewhat shallow and we decided we would definitely try and cross the river before leaving. Watching the sun set gave us a feeling I can’t even begin to describe. Complete and utter peace!

Next morning, me and my lazy friends somehow made it in time to the gate of the park and after renting a pair of binoculars and a seemingly good guide (or so it seemed) we set off to explore the jungle. We really wanted to see a tiger and kept mum for the initial hour, craning our necks in anticipation. We did get a few “leads”and "calls"- like paw prints, or the guy on the elephant “directing” us to the tiger, or deer shooting "warnings" to each other. But no luck. We managed to spot three types of deer and a couple of wild elephants, and of course lots of ‘langurs’ but that’s it. What irked us was that surprisingly every single tourist who’d gone inside that day saw a tiger. We sulked like anything when they showed us pictures and videos they’d taken of the tiger. Just our bad luck I guess. On our way out we told ourselves that the tiger obviously suffered from an inferiority complex compared to us! *Chuckle*

That night we lit a bonfire and soaked in the warmth while watching the surroundings bathed in moonlight. Afterwards, we slept like logs coz the bumpy forest road had given us a severe backache. Next morning we got up early to keep our word of crossing the river. We found a shallow spot to cross, and the minute we dipped our feet in we screamed. The water was freezing! Not giving in, we tread on, making a human chain against the fast current. Our feet hurt as we stepped over the slippery pebbles and became numb with cold. We made it halfway and then I couldn’t go on. Four of my friends were daring enough to continue while a friend and I sat on a large rock in the river. I envied their enthusiasm as they made it to the other side and back! But it surely was some experience!

We quickly changed into dry clothes and hurried towards the cab. We didn’t want to leave, as always, but had no choice but to jump in. Most of the road trip was spent in “trying to sleep” and listening to our favorite tracks. Though I’d been to Corbett before, this time was a lot more memorable. I guess a place has something new to offer every time you visit. Hope the new year brings more fun times with it.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Another end

A lot of things ended for me this year. In terms of studies, career, relationships and people. First I left Mumbai after college got over, and along with it some close friends. Then my relationship ended. My job followed suit. And along the way, a lot of my loved ones passed away too.

The most recent death was of my sister-in-law’s father. When mom broke the news to me, I did not believe it. He wasn’t old, he wasn’t unwell, he wasn’t an alcoholic or a smoker- he quietly went about doing his daily tasks… then how could he just…go? I didn’t believe the news until I saw him- lying lifeless. The man who was so full of life, was now, just lying on the floor. They say he had a massive heart attack- probably didn’t feel it. How the hell can he not feel it?? If only someone was there with him, if only he wasn’t alone, maybe he’d still be here with us, cheerful and happy

I remember the way he used to greet me- “Hello, my dear! How are you?”- not like some people who just say things and don’t mean it. He meant everything he said. This happy-go-lucky kind of guy, who lives- lived- for the moment is no longer here. I was afraid how my niece would take it, but even though she cried a bit for her grandpa, she was calm after a while. I guess that’s how he wanted us to be… to continue with our lives, without missing him too much.


Crematoriums, I thought, would be all the more depressing. But strangely, I found it peaceful. To see him go like that, I thought, he’s finally at peace. Maybe now he’s truly free. Although we all miss him terribly and it’s going to be long before we get used to living without him, we know life will go on. Just wish him well, wherever he is, watching over us.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Chapter Two

My first two weeks at my new workplace have been pretty decent. In fact, they were better than I expected. My first day, my colleagues- now my friends- went out of their way to make me feel at ease. They came to me and introduced themselves, showed a keen interest in me and my background…the works. It’s a small office, since they’ve just completed a quarter here in India and we are only about 16-17 employees in all.

Then I was told that we had an office outing planned that weekend. Our boss was going back to the States and we needed to sort of give him a farewell. My colleagues had planned to take him to Akshardham temple and then for dinner at TGIF. They also had prepared a li’l skit for him on “teamwork”. Now since it was too late to give me a part, I played the narrator.

Akshardham was fun. Hadn’t been there before so I was completely floored by it’s beauty. The intricate carving on the pink stone and marble walls was simply magnificent. And the place was huge. It didn’t feel like anywhere near Delhi, or India for that matter, coz it was spotlessly clean! And it looked even more gorgeous by night. And by the expression on my boss’s face, I could make out he was feeling pretty much the same way!

Around 6:30 pm we started back for Connaught Place, to TGIF. We were all starving and couldn’t wait to dig in. There was a 20 minute wait outside the restaurant, so we literally barged in when our turn came. We were about 11 of us, and trust me we all, including the biggies, stuffed ourselves till we couldn’t eat another bite. Drinks freely flowed and everyone was in a jovial mood. I felt as part of the group, not at all as a 5-day old employee.

Let’s hope the rest of the journey is as enjoyable. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

A jolt from heaven

We experienced an earthquake today, here in Delhi. 4.3 on the Richter. Not much you'd say. But it struck at 4.43 am. I think it lasted for hardly 10 seconds, but was enough to shake me up! Let's just say that at that point every worry I ever had just flew out of my mind and the only thing I wanted was to stay alive! At that moment, nothing but life mattered.

I guess it's God's way of nudging us from time to time to remind us to stop and smell the flowers.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Weekend update

It's been a fun week. I thought I would make the best of it since this was technically my last 'holiday week'. Will be joining my new office from tomorrow and though I'm really looking forward to it, I can't help but feel a li'l sorry about not being able to laze around now :P. Been about a month, wow that's really long. Sigh!

I saw Goal this Friday. It's an okish film...could have been done better. Bipasha was a complete blonde, Arshad Warsi was practically wasted and I have no idea why there was a 'Billo Rani' who kept sucking on her own lips like a nympho. The good point- obviously- was John. He is THE only reason to go and watch the film. And maybe, Boman Irani. It can be a disappointment for people who're gonna watch it for the love of the game. Na-ah.

Saturday night was fun. Had dinner at A's place. Pretty chilled out. Except for one little big thing. A fight. Between friends. Blown out of proportion probably because of an overdose of alcohol. Hmmm... my two best friends, arguing with each other. It's not the fight that bothers me. It's the lack of understanding between them. Worsened now, by the lack of communication. What ya... :(

Anyway, I know either of them will come to their senses soon. At least I hope so. At this moment, my recently-turned-bald 1 yr old neice is sleeping soundly next to me, making the most adorable faces. Makes me wanna curl up too...yaaawwn. Will write soon about my 1st week at the new workplace. Cheers folks!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

I love my friends!!

You know, whenever I think of my happiest times, I only picture myself with my friends. Even if I'm at the most boring place ever, I can only remember how much fun my friends made it for me. I don't have a vast group of friends, I'm closest to only a handful. And I love each one of them! Let me now introduce you to the people who mean the world to me:

Milo: Hmm...I don't understand why people spend a bomb on "soul-searching". I do that everyday with my best friend! This girl knows me so well, probably better than I know myself. I can talk to her about ANYTHING at all, at ANY time of the day or night. And she'll patiently hear me out and give me the best advice she can offer. Sooo many times I've cribbed to her (these days that's my fav pastime) about the most insignificant things. She's scolded me, cried with me, laughed with me. We haven't fought yet (touchwood) maybe because we both know we can't live without talking to each other. Right now also, she's pinging me to go shopping with her! But really it's so great to have someone who understands you so well. I don't have to say a thing and she knows what's going on in my mind!

Nika: Niks! My atom bomb! Hehe! Unpredictable is the word for her. Niks is like my mom and my daughter- combined. Sometimes she behaves like an annoying teenager and other times she takes care of me like my mommy would- tucking me in et al. She and I share a different chemistry altogether. She's always full of ideas of something to do all the time. Be it watching films or discussing books, or playing scrabble. This one will not let me sit idle! I'm like an agony aunt for her- always giving her advice. But I can't imagine my life without her. She's just there...always. :)

Netra: Walky-talky Cartoon Network! She's so animated all the time! Netz has been there for me when I needed a friend real bad. She's a lil brash at times, says exactly what's on her mind. Fights like she's gna kill u, and loves like she's never gonna let go. She's lifted my mood in a less than a minute with her crazy cartoon-like behavior! She may sound like a very bindaas woman, but gets very serious when she has to. And makes me see sense when I'm being stupid! Netziee is also my style guru, coz somehow she just knows what will look best on me! Really luv her for being there for me when I need her.

Mehul: He has got to be the most patient guy on Planet Earth. The way he listens to my constant's amazing! He's like my love guru...always getting me back on track when I stray back into my past. Sometimes coaxing, sometimes with a very bad scolding! He's been so very helpful during my worst times, always cheering me up with his silly jokes! I can trust him to spring up from anywhere, anytime just to make sure I'm doing OK. Thank God he's around or I'd have been pretty lost!

Tina: My mommy!! Hehe...she practically took me "under her cover" when I was in Mumbai. Our shopping excursions used to defy time and we used to hang out together so much, it's not funny. Now I haven't seen her in about 7 months, since I shifted back to delhi and our "meetings" are restricted to GTalk and telephone conversations. Miss her company so much!

Bhajji: She's small but don't let her size fool you! She's fierce when it comes to defending her friends. She's always always supported whatever I do. She's shown her concern in more ways than one. Even if she's super busy (which she is these days) she'll somehow make time and come and catch up. Just her unconditional and sincere love is enough to make you feel special!

Bhargav: He's one of my best buddies, but would you believe if I tell you I haven't seen him in a whole year? And I think we've spoken for precisely 3 times during this time. That's coz he's a shippie and is on sail almost all the time. He's lives at the other end of the country but still manages to keep in touch (with some effort from my end too of course). He's a complete joker and most of the time we have less conversations and more arguments. Waiting for him to get back so I can bug him again!

Well that's about it. These are the people who rule my life. And I'm ever so thankful for them to have them with me. I don't think I'd be complete without them. Thanks guys, I love you all! *Hugs*

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Why arranged marriage is best for me

Yea so I’m talking about marriage. I mean it’s not exactly me talking, but I’m forced to think about it. After all I am 22 years of age, “ripe and ready” for my relatives to start talking and my family to start looking.

So yea, coming back to the title of the post: why arranged marriage is best suited for me. Well there are a number of reasons. I’ve given this a lot of thought (since these days, I haven’t got much to do) and have arrived at this conclusion.

1) Men are beyond me. If commitment is what they want from a girl and if that’s what they get, they outgrow it. They slowly start wanting to have security, then maturity, then cooking skills, then understanding, then patience, then space and eventually, they want to be left alone. Too complicated.

2) Kisi ne sahi kaha tha. Kalyug aa gaya hai. It’s impossible to find a guy who will (forgive me for being wishful and orthodox) love you for who you are and not the body you have. Seriously guys, there IS more to love than making out the whole time. I thought I’d found Mr. Right but apparently it was all wrong. So again, too complicated.

3) I have this funda in life: I can’t just be with someone I barely know, just for the heck of being with him. I have to be friends with the guy for an eternity, know him in and out, develop feelings for him (non forcibly), fall in love, think about the future and then step into a relationship. And that’s going to take a LOT of time and effort, and frankly I don’t have faith in my own decisions now, and neither do I have the patience.

4) If, for instance, the guy I end up marrying is a moron, guess what? It’s not my fault! I can easily nag my folks and tell ‘em “hey you found him, not me”! So life would be somewhat simpler, with lesser things to feel guilty about.

Besides, come on, they’re my parents. They would want me to be happy. How wrong can they possibly be in finding the right match for me? And there are so many people out there who are pretty happy with each other. And love’s only been reduced to a myth, or rather, an unattainable treasure. Only the lucky ones get to experience it. I’ve been lucky, just not lucky enough. And that’s OK.

Oh by the way, it’s not like I’m getting married right now. I still have a considerable amount of time. And honestly, I don’t even think I’m ready for this thing. This was just thinking aloud- sorry, forced to think. Aloud.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

What a week!

Took an unexpected break last week, went to Manali and Shimla. Had to suffer a number of glitches, but had a great time despite all that.

I visited Manali when I was around four years old, so I hardly remembered any of it this time. My companions were my mum and my two massis. We got off to a bad start at the airport itself. The thing is, we’d booked our tickets to Kulu on the Kingfisher website, and by default landed on the terminal for Kingfisher. We were queued up to get our boarding passes at about 8:10 am when the kind lady at the counter told us we have Deccan tickets. That’s coz of the merger between the two airlines, yada yada but nothing was mentioned on the damned website. And now the big problem was that Deccan was on a different terminal and we had about 25 mins to get our boarding passes, get the security check done and board the flight. We were like three damsels in distress. Thankfully the Kingfisher ground staff coordinated with the Deccan guys and rushed us to the other terminal and we caught our flight 5 mins before takeoff. Whew!

We reached Kulu in a little over an hour’s time. We had practically the whole day to ourselves so we took a taxi and went to Manikaran, about 2 hours from Kulu. The weather was warm and comfortable and the long drive felt refreshing. Manikaran is really an awesome place. It’s amazing to see this naturally hot cave, where we just sat and sort of took a sauna. Then we saw a natural hot spring. The water was boiling hot and these guys were actually cooking rice in it. I was amazed. We visited the temple and Gurudwara and had yummy langar there.

After that we took off to Manali, and the drive was beautiful, with the roads lined with a mix of orange and green trees, and snow clad mountains at the horizon. We stopped for a lil while by River Parvati and soaked our feet in it’s ice cold waters. Felt soooo good!

We reached Manali in the evening, sometime around six. Our lodge was closer to the Mall, at a place called Aleo. It was next to the Mountaineering Institute and right in the middle of a forest. Absolutely gorgeous. It’s a place called Chandertal run by a couple who take care of you like grandparents fuss over their kids. The lady was so warm and always used to send us these extraordinary jams and jellies and pickles and absolutely yummy food. It was almost like a home away from home.

We stayed in Manali for three days. During this stay we visited all the possible temples- Vashisht, Manu, Hadimba and the Buddhist monastery. Hadimba was superb. It was in the middle of a beautiful forest and so calm and peaceful. Never felt like leaving that place.

We also went to Rohtang Pass and Solang Valley. It was super fun to play in the snow at Rohtang, though we had to wade through tons of slush to get to the top. The view from there…I can’t even begin to explain how it was. You have to be there to believe it. Oh and I also got a chance to do paragliding at Solang. What a thrill!!! I felt like an eagle in the sky, just floating about aimlessly. Felt absolutely at peace.

The underside was that my massi and I got separated from my mum and my other massi at Rohtang and wasted time frantically trying to locate each other. Apparently my mum had made announcements for me, as there was no network on the cellphones. And at Solang while I was floating in the air, my mum almost got run over by a mad horse. Thankfully, no one got hurt.

On our last day in Manali we visited Naggar. The Roerich Art Gallery and the Naggar Castle. Roerich was a Russian artist settled in India. His son, Svetoslav, was also a painter and had married actress Devika Rani. Her portrait was unimaginably mesmerizing and we couldn’t help collect some of his works as souvenirs. The Naggar castle had history of it’s own. It once belonged to the King of Kulu, who sold it to the Brits for-hold your breath- a gun. Bloody psycho. It was handed down to many other kings and finally it was given to the government and converted to a hotel. Too bad. The wooden carvings on the doors and verandas were exquisite. There was also a little museum in the basement with some interesting sculptures recrafted for our benefit.

During our stay, we also discovered that Manali has some pretty amazing eating joints. These are basically set up by foreigners who have married the locals and settled there for obvious reasons. (For the ignorant ones, read: hash). We ate at a place called Pizza Olive that had a-ma-zing Italian food. Then there was a restaurant at the Mall called Chopsticks where we had delicious Chinese food along with some plum wine (Himachal has excellent fruit wines). There was also a Johnson’s Café which was slightly on the higher side, but claimed to have the best trout in town. And we also picked up goodies from a couple of German bakeries.

We spent the remainder of the week in the Shimla, celebrating my grandfather’s birthday and just generally chilling. On our way back yesterday, since crises was the game of the season, we were blessed with yet another one. Mum had booked tickets for the two of us in the 5:30 pm Shatabdi from Kalka. We boarded the train well in time. At 5:15 this staff guy checks our tickets and casually informs us that our tickets are in fact for the next day. Ten minutes before the train was to start, my dear mom gets a panic attack. Somehow we talk to the TT and he tells us we have to buy tickets on board and pay double the fare. So lots of monetary loss, but we made it home safe and sound and in good time.

So like I said in the beginning, barring a few technical glitches, we managed to have a wonderful time. The scenic beauty of Manali was really admirable. I’m glad that I got to make it to this breathtaking land again- and this time I won’t forget any of it.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Don't ask...!

There was a time, when I was at the peak of happiness. Everything was going great for me- personally and professionally. That’s when I used to think, life’s good. Then, like the sensex, after reaching the peak, my life’s graph crashed and bombed.

First, my more-than-a-year-long relationship ended.

Second, my reviews in office didn’t go quite as expected.

Third, I come to know, that my long lost friend has expired.

And now, fourth, I’ve quit my job.

I’m heartbroken, depressed, single and unemployed. Trust me, the graph can’t get lower than this.

Sigh…just hope the good phase comes back again. And soon.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

His song

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh, you don't have to go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, All those tears I cry ay ay ay ay ay
All those tears I cry oh oh oh oh ay, Baby please don't go.

When I read the letter you wrote me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the words that it told me,It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, Every breath I take oh oh oh oh oh
Every move I make hey hey, Baby please don't go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh,
You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh, Darling please don't go.

When I read the letter you sent me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the news that it brought me, It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
Oh baby, ba-bee bee please please pleaseah ah ah ah ah baby ah ah
I really love you babyoo oo oo oo oo darlin' oooohhhh oh
Oh baby I still love you so, Oh baby I still love you so

ohohoh, ooo, oh oh oh oh oh yeah
(Fire?) ah ah oh ah ah ah oooohhh
(fire?) ah ah ah ah ah, oooooooooooooo
(fire?) Ohhh baby....

You know how it feels when you just come to know one day, that someone you were once close to, is no longer in this world? Someone you lost touch with, rather broke all communication with, is now dead? You know, when you stop talking to someone, you still live in the hope that things may be revived some years down the line. That someday, you might just bump into each other, and old times would be forgotten, and everything would just be ok. But then a truth comes and hits you in the face- he's dead- and you just sit there not knowing what happened.

Hey Rian, or should I call you D'yer Mak'er, or Jason Bourne ...I don't know what would've happened if we were still talking. I don't know what happened to you, how it happened...why it happened. I don't know what were the thoughts that circled your mind as you lay on your death bed. It kills me to think I couldn't speak with you one last time. You went away, as always, without a word. And just a month before your birthday. You always said people didn't love you enough. If only you were around to see this. Gosh... I still don't believe this. I hope this is a lie. Coz if you'd read this, you'll know you touched my life in more than a million ways. And now, it's just shocking to realise you're never coming back.

I hope you get happiness wherever you go. You were a good person, Rian. May God bless you.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Starry night weekend

We had been planning a weekend break since a long time, but nothing seemed to materialize. Finally one friend suggested we go to Rishikesh for river rafting. It was more than two years since I'd gone, and I couldn't resist going for a second time.

So last weekend I, with five other friends, packed our bags to leave Delhi and forget everything for a while. I was the last one to be picked up, and when we were all together, we just hugged each other, thankful that it's finally happening!

We didn't even realise where the 7 hour drive went. Continuously chatting, listening to music, cracking jokes, eating, sleeping....we didn't discuss anything about our daily lives, probably because we all wanted a break from our stressful routines.

We reached Shivpuri around 2.30 pm, and immidiately changed to hit the water. The ambience of the place was just breathtaking. Mountains, white sand and the Ganges, and around it, a whole cluster of camps. We were far from civilization, and that's all we needed.

We were all strapped up in the raft in the next 30 mins, ready to get some action. The instructor told us what we were supposed to do, and then finally we started off. As we approached the first rapid, we held our breath and wrapped our fingers tighter around the oar. Then as the instructor screamed 'Forward' we all put our entire power and paddled forward. Harder with each stroke. The water was ice cold as it hit our faces, and the raft bobbed threateningly. But it was over soon. And gosh, what a high! We cheered ourselves for our efforts and geared up for the next one.

With each powerful stroke, I could feel myself releasing all my pain, all the stress, all the misery that I'd been holding on to. And overcoming every rapid, felt like an accomplishment. We'd covered close to 20 kms, and boy that's something to be proud of! By the end of it, every lil part of my body ached, but I felt completely at peace.

We drove back to the camp and changed out of our soggy clothes. It was getting really chilly, and I was glad I'd carried my woolens. And when we stepped out of the tent, the sight that greeted us took our breath away. We looked up and saw zillions of stars, twinkling away in the sky. It was so beautiful, it didn't seem real. It was as if some one had sprinkled all the world's diamonds on the black velvety sky. We were speechless for a while and just kept gazing up, in awe. At that moment, I realized my own troubles meant nothing. Nothing at all. Why was I sad, when there's so much beauty and joy around me. I found myself wishing I could stay here forever. Just laying on the white sand and gazing at the stars that were there only for me. I felt one with the universe and nothing could break me down.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken the day we left. I knew it was going to be back to the same old, stressful rat race of life. But I also knew that life can be better; life is good, and that I'm taking all of God's creation with me, forming memories that would last for a lifetime.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


Life once was
a myriad of hues
Now drained of color
save for blues

Like day and night
like black and white
It’s dim and dull
devoid of light

The day you left
I bade goodbye
To pinks and reds
and shades of joy

Now I live
In tones of grey
Clinging to the past
A shadow of dismay

Saturday, September 29, 2007

"I Love You"

Three words that can make a heart melt. Can bring a smile to your lips. Or tears to moist eyes. Three words that force you to dream aloud. And sometimes, shatter those dreams.

They say love’s a powerful feeling. It can move mountains. It can heal the deepest of wounds. But what happens if love itself was the cause of those deep wounds. I wonder what would heal them.

Love’s an addiction. If you can’t live with the person you’re in love with, you live with their memories. The way they gathered you in their arms, whispered promises in your ears and then sealed them with tender kisses. The smell of their skin feels as real as if they’re right there, sitting next to you. The night you lay in each other’s arms, wishing it would last forever, seems like yesterday. The rhythm of their heartbeat, mingled with yours is something you may never forget. No…it’s impossible to forget love.

If love was so grand, isn’t it worth fighting for?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

An empty realization

Does it ever happen, that in a relationship, you reach a point where you don't remember any of the reasons for being with someone? But you feel you just have to, coz it's the decision you've made? What do you do when you're the last priority for the person you love most? What happens when the reality you chose to ignore, comes and hits you in the face? And you're left alone, to pick up the shattered pieces of your heart?

Monday, September 03, 2007

In rain's shadow

I gaze outside through the curtain of rain at the thundering grey sky, mesmerized by it’s sheer beauty. I watch as the rain lovingly caresses each and every little thing, soaking them with it’s affection, before it buries itself in the earth. The trees, the flowers, the grass…me. It’s almost as if I can see an expression of happiness all around me.

I wonder why I’m still brooding...

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Ignore this...

Haven't felt so utterly useless in a while now. Didn't go to work today, was kinda under-the-weather. Did a couple of follow ups, saw sappy crappy romantic movies on DVD, surfed mindlessly, and now blogging about God knows what. I used to have a life once, but now it's like I just don't ever wanna get out of bed.

Haven't touched a book in the longest time now. And I love reading! Shame on me. I'm giving up on my fav hobby! There's hardly anything I do anymore. I used to draw at one point, but that's seems futile now. There's so much work to do, to learn...but just don't feel like doing anything. I hate this...It's like this 'Lazy-Ness' monster is taking over my brain, and I'm letting myself being led into a being this boring, good-for-nothing that even a word? Ah who cares!

I hope it's cloudy today I can drag myself to go take a walk. The sun gives me another reason to stay indoors. Jeez, I have no will power. Ok enough. I gotta stop now...come on, fingers, stop typing...stop it! Gosh there we go agen...whatever, folks...I'm outta here!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Love Delirium

I reside in the State of Lonliness
I live with a box of broken dreams
A bride at the altar
A dethroned Queen
The one left out in the rain

Like a meek goat following her shepherd
hoping to find my meadow
I tread towards my illusory heaven,
I follow him
lost in a hypnotic trance

The venom of love
rushes through my veins
Can feel it absorbing my soul
Fading truth, diminishing life,
An undead corpse

That’s what’s become of me.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Occupational Hazards

I didn’t quite expect it to be like this. Actually I don’t really know what I expected.

Before you get ideas, it’s my job I’m talking about.

Public Relations, I thought, was about people with great persuasive skills, writing skills and speech skills. I was right. But what I didn’t know was, that it is a highly stressful and thankless profession. At one end, you have to satisfy the client who believes it’s his birthright to offload the most menial forms of work onto their PR agency. On the other hand, it’s the journalist who will throw tons of attitude and give you a cold shoulder all the time, as if he’s God and you’re at his mercy. Then there’s your own set of managers who keep giving you deadlines that you simply have to meet, or they’ll give you a look that’ll make you feel like the most worthless piece of shit on the planet. And to top it all, you always have to have a smile plastered over your face and repeat the same thing, again and again to a variety of journalists. If one of these guys don’t kill me soon enough, I’ll probably commit suicide myself.

Anyway, this is probably the fate of most PR professionals. There’s not much we can do about it. Of course, there are certain exceptions too. Some journalists are actually quite sweet, and hear you out patiently. And some clients as well, who have a decent understanding of the media, don’t treat you like a slave. And thankfully, my managers know when to let their hair down and give me a break. But then, I’m human. I need a reason to crib.

It’s not like I’m unhappy or dissatisfied with my job. It’s too soon to say that. I mean, it’s been, what, 4 months, since I joined? I guess what I’m saying here is, I’m stuck between the being out-of-college and starting-work phase, and it’s going to take me a while getting used to working with professionals and their deadlines. Till then, I suppose, this blog will be the vent to all my frustration. Tough luck for you guys tho! ;)

Sunday, July 29, 2007

I’ve had just about enough of it. Getting the cold shoulder… it’s come to a point where I just don’t care anymore. I’ve quit trying. I don’t fuckin care. No passion, no excitement, no love… nothing. No more Miss Goody-Goody. This time I’ll be the one turning my back to the world. Jump off a building and kill yourself. I. Don’t. Care.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


A difficult realization
A bitter truth shoved into my face
When two most important people
Cease to match each other’s pace

The quarrels that I chose to ignore
Have suddenly become too frequent
Somewhere along those forty five years
The so called love started it’s descent

It’s already tough to deal with age
And alcohol only makes it worse
When lunacy takes over our loved ones
It only leaves behind scars

And the reality to be faced with is
‘They never loved each other
And all the bitterness through these years
Has made them hate one another’

The times gone by all seem so fake
You see compromise in every smile
And remorse in every teardrop
Wonder why they carried on all this while

It’s like a thousand knives
Slicing through my numb heart
Cry myself to sleep every night
Watching my family fall apart

Monday, June 25, 2007

Holiday's over :(

Hi everyone! I’m back and as ecstatic as ever! My holiday was better than I thought it would be. It was just…perfect! The last 10 days have been a breeze.

I didn’t expect Finland to be what it really is. Blame it part on my lack of reading up on places, and part on my very weird imagination! I thought it’s this one tiny country that’s tucked up in the north somewhere with freezing temperatures and people who look like Eskimos. Boy was I in for a surprise!

Finland’s major, probably the only natural resource is it’s forests. And as we stepped out of the airport in Helsinki, we could see how green it was. There were trees everywhere! And very well manicured too… exact same height, and growing absolutely straight. I was dumbfounded by how clean the place was! Not a soul in sight, except our big yellow VW taxi. Imagine, no stray dogs or cows on the road! :P While we drove to our hotel, I noticed how people didn’t jump red-lights, how pedestrians were given first preference and how people stuck to the rules and regulations laid out for them. I mean, it’s a small instance, but you could make out there’s actually a system out there, and that the taxpayer’s money isn’t going to the dogs.

Anyway, our hotel was right next to the harbour, like 100 steps maybe. So the sea breeze felt nice and cool on my face. The temperature, by the way, was not at all freezing, It didn’t go above 18 degrees, so it was pleasantly cool. A light jacket was all you needed. And no, the people were not Eskimos, but very normal looking individuals, and some actually made me drool! ;) But overall, it was a friendly environment. Helsinki’s a simple, down-to-earth kinda place with similar people. They don’t see a lot of tourists, not a lot of Indians anyway, so they acknowledged our presence with a smile.

It was different never to see the sun set. The sun was up till midnight! At 10 pm there it felt like 6 pm in Delhi. I kinda felt sorry for them, coz they’re missing out on the nights. It was a wee bit uncomfortable to see day all day! But I guess it’s OK.

It was summer season for them, so people were quite skimpily dressed! We were probably the only ones wearing woolens. We explored the city mostly on foot, or took a ride in the trams. It’s not a very large place, so it wasn’t so bad. Food though, was a major problem initially, coz everything was made of bread, and in departmental stores, everything was written in Finnish.

After the first 2 n a half days in Helsinki, we took a cruise to Stockholm (Sweden). The cruise was an experience in itself. 10 decks in all, M/S Mariella was a beauty. It had a casino, a discotheque, about 5 restaurants, 2 cafes, saunas and a huge duty-free shop. My folks and I went up to the top deck to admire the view of the Baltic Sea. We thought we’d stay up till the ship starts moving. Bad idea. As soon as it moved, the cool sea breeze turned to an extremely chilly gale. It was so strong, we had to hold each other and make a human chain to prevent us from being blown away! But it was some experience! And the view, of course was fabulous!

Stockholm and Helsinki are somewhat like Mumbai and Delhi. Somewhat. There are more people in Stockholm, we even saw quite a lot of Indians. Stockholm is the economic capital of Sweden. People were different here… they all looked as if they’re models off the ramp! Everyone was dressed so stylishly! But they were as warm as the Finnish, if not more. And Stockholm was definitely more expensive.

There was not a lot to explore there. We saw the Change of Guards ceremony at the King's Castle, which was carried out with a lot of pomp. Then we visited the Skansen Open Museum, which was an amazing walk. It was a sort of a zoo, but not exactly. It’s like a huge park, with li’l lakes inside, and further ahead, you could go see some Scandinavian animals. We saw the elk, reindeer, seal, and of course the brown bear. They were all out in the open, with thick glass screens separating us. So it was quite a sight.

We spent 2 days in Stockholm, and then took the cruise back to Helsinki. This time we stayed in a hostel, Academia I think it was called. And here we had a kitchenette, so that was a relief coz now we could cook. It was in a way, better than staying at the hotel, coz we were on our own. So cooking, cleaning, doing the beds- everything was our responsibility. Felt more like home.

During our 3 days in Helsinki, we visited the Nuuksio National Park which was breathtakingly beautiful and an amusement park, which was nothing like Disney Land I’m sure, but was a zillion times better than Appu Ghar! In between, we also took a train to a small town around Helsinki called Turku. Here we bought a litre of really really fat strawberries and ohhhh my Gooood they were just out of this world. We ate like we were starved for strawberries and later discovered our lips and fingertips had turned a deep red. Gosh I could kill to taste strawberries like those again!

The Nuuksio National Park was 45 mins away from the city, by bus. It was a one and half hour walk in the woods after that. It was just superb. The natural beauty of the place left me gawking, and I found myself wishing I could stay back forever. The lakes around the woods were sooooo beautiful. You have to be there to know what I’m talking about. After the climb, we came to a small inn, where they served us with tea, coffee and some yum freshly baked bread with butter. We could even take a dip in the lake, but the water was a lil too cold for my comfort!

Next day we were to take our flight back to India, and I really didn’t feel like going back! I was too much in love with the place. But I have to admit, I went at the best time. In winters the temperatures can drop to as low as minus 25 in the south of Finland, and minus 50 in the north. Sighhh! I guess no place is perfect, but this sooo was!! I guess I still haven’t gotten over my holiday, don’t think I ever will.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Chhutti Time!!

The heat in Delhi is killing…47 degrees, ugh! But finally my much needed break is here. I’m off for a vacation guys! You’ve no idea how much I was lookin forward to this- and it’s finally here!

It was tough getting leave from office since I’m still on “probation”. The GM was clearly not happy with it and gave me a piece of her mind. But my immediate manager’s a darling! So I’m going to get extra chocolates for her! ;)

I’ll be going to Helsinki and Stockholm for about 10 days. This is my first trip abroad and I’m super excited! Finally my poor empty passport has a visa on it! :P

Almost my entire family’s going with me, including my nieces- so I’m gonna have a ball for sure. My packing’s almost done…just a few things here and there. Eeeeee this is gonna be so much fun!!

I leave tonight so I guess I’ll say a quick goodbye! Just hope the monsoons hit Delhi by the time I’m back. See ya guys, and pray that everything goes according to plan!!

Love ya!! :)

Monday, June 04, 2007

Sunday Smiles

Sundays are usually very boring for me. But today, it was kinda nice. Nothin out of the ordinary, but just plain nice. Went shopping with mom, the planets must have been in perfect alignment coz it was like the best day to shop! Found everything I needed. And was also able to spend quality time with Mum. Had a good heart-to-heart. Just us. :)

Delhi’s weather has been pretty sucky since the whole of last week. But today we got slight thundershowers in the evening. I just looooove the smell of wet earth. Yummy! :P That was another thing that made me smile.

And of course, my darling lil niece dropped in… and anyone will forget their worries lookin at her! She’s just too adorable… the picture of innocence.

Oh and the cherry on the cake was when browsing just now, I discovered that the story I’d pitched to a journalist for my client finally got published! :D That means I can cross one major deadline off my list! Yayyyy!

Tomorrow’s office again… but I’m not dreading it somehow, like every Monday morning. Just hope tomorrow’s as good as today…or even better!

Sunday, May 13, 2007


A list of don'ts
is what I get from you
I earn your disapproval
in everything I do
You say the harshest things
in jest
I'm trying to see beyond it
but can't protest
My vision's blurred
can't see the line
Between compromise
and sacrifice
Tryin' to make you happy
but you always get annoyed
Pushing me away
making your life devoid
of me
What did I do?
Where did I go wrong?
Where'd the love go?
Can't figure it out
Just askin you
to take me along
Don't walk away
just take me along...

Monday, May 07, 2007


Nothing excites me more than looking out and seeing rainclouds looming above. It's the greatest feeling to just sit in my room, without a care in the world, and smell the rain outside. The gentle wet breeze caresses my face, sending tingles down my spine. Rain awakens a kind of longing in my heart... just takes me far away, somewhere, where I float over a dreamy horizon. Just love watching the green trees dance with the wind. Like they're just as happy as me! Looking out, through a film of dark clouds, it just changes everything. It all seems so fresh... kinda gives me a feeling of relief... where I just gaze away, and sigh contentedly, thinking it ain't such a bad place after all.

Took this photo with my phone today, while driving back from a movie. Had a lovely Sunday, relaxed. Just the way it's meant to be. Feeling completely at peace :)

Monday, April 23, 2007

Getting down to business

Long hours, loads of work, no social life... that’s how I pictured my life to be after I joined work. Well, I wasn’t entirely wrong. There are long hours, there is a truckload of work everyday, and my social life is now restricted to weekends. But along with all of that, it’s FUN! To wake up and go to work every morning not knowing, when I’ll be let off, but with the certainty of learning something new, something extraordinary each day.

I remember the zillions of butterflies I had in my tummy on my first day of work. My mind was abuzz with innumerable thoughts on how my first day was going to be like. I had to be there on time no matter what. Everything had to be just perfect.

I was ten minutes late.

I remember being stuck in traffic and feeling the tears of frustration welling up in my eyes. I’d so wanted to make a good first impression. But to my relief, when I reached the office, my seniors didn’t say a word and were as warm with me as they were with the others. That’s when I knew, this journey wasn’t going to be as bad as I thought.

After the initial exchange of courtesies and introductions, we were asked to make a presentation on a random topic. In the days that followed, we conducted surveys and a bunch of more presentations along with lectures from our seniors. It was then that it dawned upon me that this place means business… period.

My office is a not a factory. It’s a place to learn, to acquire new skills and to hone the existing ones. In the little time that I’ve spent here, I’ve got to learn a lot. And I don’t mean just PR. Of course, being surrounded by professionals, some of their expertise does rub off on you. I’ve learnt the importance of discipline in life. Doing something at a particular time may sound like a very mundane activity, but it really makes a lot of difference.

Another aspect that I learnt was the significance of building relationships. I’d never given a serious thought to what a valuable role our relations play in our lives. The people we relate to reflect on us. It’s through our relationships that people form an opinion about us. Thus the need to understand people and their requirements is of prime importance in my job.

It’s quite remarkable how in such a short period, I have been able to learn so much. My office seems more like a close-knit family to me, and I feel privileged to be a part of this unit. I know how much they believe in imparting knowledge, and I’m glad to be at the receiving end of it all.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

And so...

It’s quite odd how fast 10 months have ended. Was it really just 10? Months? But on reflection, it really was a long time. Or maybe a lot of things happened in this short period. Mumbai really changed my life. It’s the kind of city, that when you try and hug, won’t hug you back. But at least I’m thankful it made a little space for me in its crowded womb.

It’s been a long, harrowing session at college. The days ended so soon, and the nights disappeared into darkness. The only thing constant, was stress. Everyone was always running for something. Everyone was always in a hurry. Everyone only cared about themselves.

I can’t say I’m not sorry to leave this place. Some people show surprise that I didn’t ‘fall in love’ with the place. I couldn’t. I didn’t have the time. Of course there are some parts I’m going to miss. Like coming back late. Making my own decisions. Living on my own conditions. But I still wanted to be back home, after a long day. And Mumbai was not home. No way.

So now that college’s over, it feels good to back home, chilling in my room without a care in the world. I know this feeling probably ain’t gonna last long… but hey, as long as I have my people around me, I think I’m going to be just fine. I’m just glad I realized my priorities, and the importance of having a loving family and supportive friends. I realized how much I love them. And for that, I’m grateful to Mumbai for being the way it is.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


When I came to Mumbai, I wasn’t looking for friends. Colleagues, casual acquaintances, yes, but not friends. Especially not long lasting ones. But then, I met Tina. I hadn’t acknowledged her presence (nor had she acknowledged mine) until after the first month of coming to the same class. We just happened to bump into each other on our way to college once and surprisingly, much to our delight, discovered we live in the same building. Since then we’ve practically been inseparable.

It was so easy to like her. She’s a typical ‘baavi’, a Parsi to the core. In love with her religion, and in love with love. It was fascinating to know she was engaged at 20. She was different from my peers. While the others were all busy trying to get down to business, Tina was busy spreading her charms. Studies were (and still are) the last thing on her mind! Not that she wasn’t bright. She just had very different priorities from the rest of us. She’s rather stay home and take care of her ‘Goolu Maasi’ than finish assignments. Or pay a visit to her in-laws. Or tend to the many relatives of hers that kept streaming in throughout the year. Or go shopping! It was so lovely to have someone as refreshing as her to talk to after a harrowing day at college, ‘coz Tina is always smiling.

It’s amazing how easily I put all my trust in Tina. She’s one of the few genuine people left in this world. Observant like hell, she has funny interests. She likes noting down bus numbers and knowing where which one goes. She likes hospitals for God’s sake. She’s shit scared of butterflies. She makes the funniest sound ever, when she gets hiccups! She loves buying gifts for anyone and everyone. She sleeps in class. But every time you mention the word ‘Parsi’, or ‘Hyderabad’ her head pops up and her face breaks into a smile (‘coz she’s from Hyd and loves her city)! She goes crazy when she sees a ship (coz her fiancé is a shippie). And she simply loves taking ferry rides.

We’ve had so much fun together. The best time we had was when we went to Alibaug with our respective boyfriends, and she gave me tips on the art of seduction! Silly girl! Right now, she’s down with typhoid and is admitted to the hospital. I’m so worried for her. I hope she gets well soon. Miss her crazy antics so much! Gonna miss her all the more when I get back home. I am so used to seeing her around, she’s almost like a sister to me… it’s gonna feel really empty without her in Delhi. She better pay me a visit… Tina, if you read this, just wanna let you know…you’re really special, and mean a lot to me. You’ve really made a difference in my life. Thanks for being who you are…love you lots! And get back home pleeeaaase!!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Last Dance

Why sit in the corner
Avoiding each other’s gaze
Feeling sad and helpless
For long gone days

The music surrounds our broken hearts
Luring us away from the lost romance
Please take my hands in yours
And then ask me to dance

Hold me while we sway
To the lonely night’s song
While the music flows through our veins
Nothing can go wrong

Move your body close to mine
We’re one, while we dance
United in our grief and pain
We’re lost in a trance

Feel the sweat on our skin
Feel our breaths intertwine
As we jive along with the tune
You and I become divine

Let’s forget the world tonight
For once, let’s take a chance
To free ourselves from the past
Oh sweetheart, won’t you dance
This last dance with me?

P.S. For what it’s worth, Happy Anniversary sweetheart…

Monday, February 19, 2007


Is it a bad thing to want to fantasize? I mean, people won’t give you that “are you daft” look when you tell them your fantasies, would they? Or would they simply laugh it off? Oh well, I guess I’d rather leave it to them.

You know what my fantasy is? To turn back time.

I wish I could go back to where romance was still alive and love was present in all it’s glory. Where people conversed in poetry, and they weren’t afraid to dream aloud. Where it was OK to smile at the smallest of things and it was OK to feel happy. When people wished on a shooting star and believed in stories of the Arabian Nights. Where hugging and kissing one another when we met wasn’t considered unsophisticated and embarrassing. Where time lazily took a stroll instead of rushing past us in a frenzy.

Why is that now people don’t have time for each other? Why is it a pain to go see how your folks are doing? Why is materialism gathering more importance than affection? Why are we forgetting to love again, and again?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


College’s almost over. Just a couple of months to go. The inevitable question- now what?! Probably get a job someplace. And then a series of more troublesome questions follow. So what is it going to be like to work? Do I know what I’m supposed to do? Do I even know what I’m doing? Will my boss like me? Will my co- workers like me? Will I like them?

My mind is like a busy street right now, with thoughts running to and fro like DTC buses. And my heart? Well it’s more like a subway train.

Oh did I mention, I got a job.

Which is why I’m in such a frenzy right now. At first I couldn’t really believe it. Me? Job? I’m just an unemployed student. A student. I can’t work! And earn too?? Are you kidding me?! I still get monthly allowance from Dad. What do you mean I’ll get a salary!? That’s for older people who are professionals with lots of experience. I’m just a kid. A kid who wants to go back home and live with her parents.

Well at least that part’s going to happen for sure.

I’ll be shifting base back to Delhi. Yipeeeee! There’s so much to do, and I feel so unprepared…and dependant. But at least I’ve started out on the path I’d imagined myself to be on. Only this time, it’s not imagination. It’s really happening. And I’m going to face this new life… head on. And smiling :)

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Ties that bind

This might come across as a rather strong post. I would like to inform my readers that the following are simply my thoughts and I do not intend to hurt any person or community with this post. So if somebody does feel offended, I apologize in advance.

Religion. One word I dislike from the very core of my heart. What was meant to bring people together has been the key aspect in bisecting them. What was meant to be an expression of freedom, has enclosed us within its framework of “rules and regulations”.

India is an amalgamation of scores of religions and communities. There’s the Muslim community, the Christians, the Parsis and the Hindus. The Hindu community itself is divided into a number of other communities, each following their respective religious convictions. Diversity. Something we, as a nation, were once proud of. But its driven us so far apart from each other, that we cringe at the thought of any sort of union within two different sections of society.

I wanted to talk about how the ‘outside’ communities operate. But then I thought of our very own Hindu religion. Take my own, for instance. I’m a Punjabi, closely related to the Sikh community. We all know what Sikhs are ‘supposed’ to do. Both men and women aren’t allowed to cut their hair. They’re all supposed to carry 5 things with them at all times (kada, kanghi, kataar, kesh and kachh) or else they’ll be declared ‘unfit to be a part of Sikhs’. They have to marry within their community, though now-days some families are relenting.

The Bengalis. Caste is given top priority here. People are excluded from the right to enter a temple just because they don’t belong to certain caste. You are not allowed to touch or eat in someone else’s house if they are not part of your caste or you’d become an ‘untouchable’ yourself.

Tamils. Again ruled by the caste system. Tamil Brahmins have the monopoly on God and they are the only ones who have the legitimacy to "speak" God-tongue: Sanskrit. They are given the highest regard in society. Strictly vegetarian, they have to wear a thread on their bodies at all times to prove their ‘brahminness’. And of course they’re adherence to time is a known fact. Everything has to be done at a certain time or else it loses its purpose. And marry outside the caste (leave alone community), all hell breaks loose.

I have a great problem with the caste system especially when those who practice it do not even do the job that caste is supposed to do. Segregation and untouchability are beyond the pale in modern society. Even the delineation based on job classification is stupid in a modern societal context.

There are also the perceptions we have formed about persons belonging to a specific community. We see a Sikh and pass him off as a moron. A Muslim has to be a sadist. A Bengali is considered a glutton. A Tamilian- dark skinned race. A Marwarhi has to be a ‘business-minded’ trader.

Why? Why this disparity? Why this hesitation to accept people as they are, whoever they are? We have breeding records for animals. Why brand one another? Why can’t we be human first, and communal later?

An anonymous Tamil poem says it all. The girl thinks her lover might forsake her and go away without marrying her. The boy then allays her fears. He says:

My mother and your mother, how are they related!
My father and your father, in what way are they related!
Me and you, did not know each other before!
Like the rain that mixes with the red soil,
Our hearts full of love have got mixed with one another!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


Memories hound me
Like ravens
Haunting a lonely lighthouse
Their cries
Piercing my heart

Every little thing
Becomes a painful cue
Of moments spent with you

The narrow lanes
Where we walked hand in hand
The seashore
Where we gazed at the horizon
And pondered over our lives

All of these
Remind me of a past long gone
And a future, that’ll never be

My hopes shatter
My dreams explode
Against the walls of my heart
Like waves crashing on the rocks

Questions surround me
The whys and the why nots
Of broken promises
Of incomplete vows
Of brief forevers
And a love
That does not belong…