The Magic of Classics

Finally! Some time away from the mundane life that I have! These days I'm being introduced to the word 'stress' in a big way. It's physical torture to sit in one place and stare at the computer! But there's something that works as a great stress buster for me and gives immediate relaxation: music! I'm waking up to the charm of old Hindi songs recently. I'm truly amazed at their simplicity.

Listening to these songs is such a beautiful reminder of a world that once was. The intricate way they describe emotions... feels so fragile and so pure. There are a hundred ways of saying the same things - love with shokhiyon me ghola jaye, grief with tujhse naraaz nahi zindagi, joy with pancchi banoo, nostalgia with najaane kyu or plain madness with junglee - each a beautiful, modest expression in itself. Just makes me feel so relieved and truly relaxed.

Guess it's true for every simple thing we come across. We're so busy trying to make our lives better, that we forget to appreciate the goodness of being natural. I know that sounds cliched but its true all the same. Just stop and think for a moment, that in this mad race where are we all headed, and what is it that we're looking for?

Now playing: Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai :)

Au Revoir

Hi folks! I'm back, and all married by now! Gosh that does feel strange! Had a blast on the wedding, and an even more amazing honeymoon! Oh btw, we decided to do Uttarakhand: Corbett, Ranikhet, Kausani, Binsar and Nainital. Mindblowing natural beauty. Binsar was my favorite, coz it wasn't like a typical honeymoon destination at all. It was in a resort right inside the forest, and we didnt have a 5 star luxury suite, but a treehouse cottage! The 13 km forest trek was the cherry on top! I never imagined i could find such serenity, so close to home. The other places were just as beautiful and romantic. And thank goodness, it wasn't raining. In fact, the weather was slightly chilly... just the way I like it! Had the best time ever, and I love my hubby for that! :)

Anyway, coming to point, I'm abandoning lifeheadon. After a month of being married, and living by yourself, I've realized it's not exactly cakewalk. There are suddenly less hours in a day and lots to be done. And trust me, it's an eye-opener for someone like me, who doesn't know the first thing about running a home! So my blog is one of the many things I will have to give up, also because I won't be able to do justice to it. Just wanna say it's been a wonderful experience being here, and whaddyuknow I might just decide to come back later, with more grown up posts maybe! :) Will miss you all, and of course my email ID is on my profile, so anyone of my blogger buddies can just drop in a mail, if you miss me too! ;) Take care you guys... love you all! Mwah!

Another end

A lot of things ended for me this year. In terms of studies, career, relationships and people. First I left Mumbai after college got over, and along with it some close friends. Then my relationship ended. My job followed suit. And along the way, a lot of my loved ones passed away too.

The most recent death was of my sister-in-law’s father. When mom broke the news to me, I did not believe it. He wasn’t old, he wasn’t unwell, he wasn’t an alcoholic or a smoker- he quietly went about doing his daily tasks… then how could he just…go? I didn’t believe the news until I saw him- lying lifeless. The man who was so full of life, was now, just lying on the floor. They say he had a massive heart attack- probably didn’t feel it. How the hell can he not feel it?? If only someone was there with him, if only he wasn’t alone, maybe he’d still be here with us, cheerful and happy

I remember the way he used to greet me- “Hello, my dear! How are you?”- not like some people who just say things and don’t mean it. He meant everything he said. This happy-go-lucky kind of guy, who lives- lived- for the moment is no longer here. I was afraid how my niece would take it, but even though she cried a bit for her grandpa, she was calm after a while. I guess that’s how he wanted us to be… to continue with our lives, without missing him too much.

***

Crematoriums, I thought, would be all the more depressing. But strangely, I found it peaceful. To see him go like that, I thought, he’s finally at peace. Maybe now he’s truly free. Although we all miss him terribly and it’s going to be long before we get used to living without him, we know life will go on. Just wish him well, wherever he is, watching over us.

His song

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh, you don't have to go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, All those tears I cry ay ay ay ay ay
All those tears I cry oh oh oh oh ay, Baby please don't go.

When I read the letter you wrote me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the words that it told me,It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, Every breath I take oh oh oh oh oh
Every move I make hey hey, Baby please don't go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh,
You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh, Darling please don't go.

When I read the letter you sent me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the news that it brought me, It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
Oh baby, ba-bee bee please please pleaseah ah ah ah ah baby ah ah
I really love you babyoo oo oo oo oo darlin' oooohhhh oh
Oh baby I still love you so, Oh baby I still love you so

ohohoh, ooo, oh oh oh oh oh yeah
(Fire?) ah ah oh ah ah ah oooohhh
(fire?) ah ah ah ah ah, oooooooooooooo
(fire?) Ohhh baby....

You know how it feels when you just come to know one day, that someone you were once close to, is no longer in this world? Someone you lost touch with, rather broke all communication with, is now dead? You know, when you stop talking to someone, you still live in the hope that things may be revived some years down the line. That someday, you might just bump into each other, and old times would be forgotten, and everything would just be ok. But then a truth comes and hits you in the face- he's dead- and you just sit there not knowing what happened.

Hey Rian, or should I call you D'yer Mak'er, or Jason Bourne ...I don't know what would've happened if we were still talking. I don't know what happened to you, how it happened...why it happened. I don't know what were the thoughts that circled your mind as you lay on your death bed. It kills me to think I couldn't speak with you one last time. You went away, as always, without a word. And just a month before your birthday. You always said people didn't love you enough. If only you were around to see this. Gosh... I still don't believe this. I hope this is a lie. Coz if you'd read this, you'll know you touched my life in more than a million ways. And now, it's just shocking to realise you're never coming back.

I hope you get happiness wherever you go. You were a good person, Rian. May God bless you.

And so...

It’s quite odd how fast 10 months have ended. Was it really just 10? Months? But on reflection, it really was a long time. Or maybe a lot of things happened in this short period. Mumbai really changed my life. It’s the kind of city, that when you try and hug, won’t hug you back. But at least I’m thankful it made a little space for me in its crowded womb.

It’s been a long, harrowing session at college. The days ended so soon, and the nights disappeared into darkness. The only thing constant, was stress. Everyone was always running for something. Everyone was always in a hurry. Everyone only cared about themselves.

I can’t say I’m not sorry to leave this place. Some people show surprise that I didn’t ‘fall in love’ with the place. I couldn’t. I didn’t have the time. Of course there are some parts I’m going to miss. Like coming back late. Making my own decisions. Living on my own conditions. But I still wanted to be back home, after a long day. And Mumbai was not home. No way.

So now that college’s over, it feels good to back home, chilling in my room without a care in the world. I know this feeling probably ain’t gonna last long… but hey, as long as I have my people around me, I think I’m going to be just fine. I’m just glad I realized my priorities, and the importance of having a loving family and supportive friends. I realized how much I love them. And for that, I’m grateful to Mumbai for being the way it is.

The Day After...

Yesterday's special 'Birthday Feeling' still hasn't left me. All thanks to my family and friends who made sure I had the best time, even if they weren't with me. Got extra phonecalls at midnight for starters! Till 8 in the morning my phone rang off the hook. Good wishes piling up gave me a fuzzy feeling inside. Then mom n dad had couriered a birthday card that made my heart swell with love. Holding it was like being hugged inside out. The best feeling ever.

In college, I got a lotta hugs and good wishes from my classmates. Cut the cake with them all. Its amazing how people go out of their way to make you feel special. Then just hung out with them till evening. Went out for dinner with my roomie and treated myself to some wine. I've reached the legal age after all!

Then my parents called. They were cutting the cake for me. Putting the phone on speaker mode, my whole family sang 'Happy Birthday' as they cut the cake. I felt like I was right there, with them! My niece had made such a cute card that was scanned and sent to me on email. I was so happy, I cried!

As the day got over, I bid goodbye to 'my day'. But there was more to come. Today I recieved a bunch of cards and gifts from my close friends in Delhi. And Milo, my best friend, had wrote to me on a card that was given to her by her grandma and was her most treasured possession. I can't believe I'm so lucky. Lucky to have so many people who love me. I can't thank God enough for blessing me with so much joy.

It was a wonderful day. With each birthday I'm reminded of not only how special I am, but of the very special people around me who would always be there for me no matter where I am. I only wish I can do as much for them, if not more. Love 'em!

Nikki

Nikki
she's gone...my nikki, my dog nikki has gone. i still cant believe it. one min she's there breathing n gasping for life..n the next she's...so still. her body is motionless..rt there in front of my eyes. i know i know she was goin to go...n that its put an end to her misery. bt there's a diff b/w knowin n actually seein it with ur own eyes. i mean who am i gonna take care of now? who's gonna look up at me n wag her tail whn i come home? who m i gonna pat n tuck in at night? who's gonna b my constant companion who will provide me with love so pure n innocent and..unconditional? i feel something inside me has died..a part of me is cut off. i know i'll get over it..its just a matter of time. but i can never forget her, ever. n i think no other dog can replace her. no way! i dont think i'll ever b able to keep another dog. i just wont be the same. it isnt the same. i love u nikki..i'll always love you. may god bless u