Friday, December 24, 2004

i'm not goin to andaman!!! : (

m finally over my grief...well not xactly over it coz i stil miss niks evryday...its jes dat i'm not cryin anymore..i've come to terms wid the fact dat she had to go. n i wish she's treated well whrever she is.
anyway i'm pretty fucked up coz i had to cancel my trip to the andamans...our stupid university system still hasnt come up wid a datesheet 4 d xams n my tickets were already booked...n if i skip this sem i'll hv to skip d whole damn year n hell i cant afford to do dat! so i've had to ancel them. evry single person in my family is goin n they'll have a blast while i'll b stuck here prbbly still waitin for the schedule to b out! n these jokers will give out the schedule 1 week b4 d xams...aarghh! sometimes i really hate it here! why the hell cant our govt do nething on time?!! they're so goddamn lazy! n thts one thing i CANNOT stand! it drives me nuts! its a stupid system n i doubt if its ever gonna improve!! its the only drawback tht keeps my country from gettin ahead! coz of all these lazy corrupt good-for-nothing creeps in the govt! politics sure is an evil...can ruin anything!
neway not much i cn do bt it...yet! i hope i get to go to those islands someday!! sigh..cya

Wednesday, November 10, 2004


she's nikki, my dog nikki has gone. i still cant believe it. one min she's there breathing n gasping for life..n the next she' still. her body is motionless..rt there in front of my eyes. i know i know she was goin to go...n that its put an end to her misery. bt there's a diff b/w knowin n actually seein it with ur own eyes. i mean who am i gonna take care of now? who's gonna look up at me n wag her tail whn i come home? who m i gonna pat n tuck in at night? who's gonna b my constant companion who will provide me with love so pure n innocent and..unconditional? i feel something inside me has died..a part of me is cut off. i know i'll get over it..its just a matter of time. but i can never forget her, ever. n i think no other dog can replace her. no way! i dont think i'll ever b able to keep another dog. i just wont be the same. it isnt the same. i love u nikki..i'll always love you. may god bless u

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

i'm so tired...

oh its sooo good to be home! god this month has been so damn tiring! i've never travelled so much in a year than wht i've done this month! bangalore, ooty, n now jim corbett park! though i've enjoyed every bit of it it's been pretty back breaking! and now today i had to go to a stupid party with dad. gosh i hate these society parties! always gotta hv a smile plastered on my face...tolerate ppl i've never seen n will probably never see agen! n now got an early class tomorrow! groan! i miss my sleep! i used to sleep like a log but i wonder whr its all gone now! oh wait i think its comin back! oh yea there it is....yaaawwn! see tht?! well better catch hold of it b4 it disappears agen! cya

p.s. thanx shazam for the comment...tho i never talked bt murdering the terrorists! oh btw one of the very feared terrorists of southern india was recently killed in an encounter...n i don't need to tell u how glad i am! cheers!

Friday, October 15, 2004


Hard to live...

Life's full of surprises,
some pleasant and some not;
the 'some nots' are so much more
and they always hurt a lot
God, its so hard to live...

Relationships are not for me,
they end before they start
I wonder what fun they have
to step on someone's heart
Its just so hard to live...

I cant look in people's eyes
because all i see is hate
they never show any love,
and if they do, its fake
And its so hard to live...

Everything feels so wrong
I wonder why i'm here
Dying seems so much easier
Its something i don't fear.
And anyway, its so hard to live...

Monday, September 06, 2004


when i first heard bt the russian seige i didnt know wht to feel..pity or immense rage. pity for those poor children who were kept as hostages for 2 days..or rage for those assholes who cud do such a cruel thing. i mean children for god's sake!! is there no humanity left in this world? wht the fuck did they do to those conniving bastards!? its amazing how disgusting humans can low they can stoop for their material needs. n we call ourselves a race above animals..! bullshit! we're lower than scum! terrorism has shown its ugly face yet agen.. bt this time theyre targeting they must b sent from hell..they have no shame, no fear no sympathy when they shoot them. they've made it clear that in terrorism no one is innocent..n no one will be spared. theyre heartless creeps who have come on earth only to destroy n hurt. if ever they seek salvation..even death wont accept them...

Wednesday, August 18, 2004


i had a nice day today! the weather (thank god) has fact its cooler now n i think its gonna rain. i love rains...n the best part is gettin drenched when its pouring!
anyway i was a lil bored in the morning..i'd reached col early n no one was i jes sat n observed the others. some ppl i knew (the hi-in-the-hallway kind) waved n i waved back. i dint really feel like talkin so i jes sat there by myself n continued to look at everyone. u know there's a strange thing wid ppl tht i noticed..they behave differently wid every one. they try so hard to jes 'fit in'! so they try to be someone theyre not. they all seem so artificial to me at times. i mean the same ppl theyre laughing with...theyre sneering at the moment they turn their backs. gosh back biting sucks! why is everyone so afraid to show wht they really feel..who they really are...wht i feel bt them, m gonna sum up in a poem i wrote. i jes feel like telling them to stop acting n start living for once!

The face I show to you
is the face you like to see,
Because I’m afraid to reveal
to you, the real me

I have a collection of masks
I wear a new one each day
I push myself down below,
afraid of what you’ll say

I pretend to be someone else,
someone the world will accept
I don’t have the courage
to strip off my masks,
I don’t know what I’ll reflect

I hope someday you’ll help me
discover myself again
I’m lost beneath my many faces
Please see who I am.

Sunday, August 15, 2004


today is a special day for my country..the 15th of aug. its when we got our independence. after so much fighting..both verbal n physical..n so many sacrifices we finally got it! bt u know i sometimes wonder whether we really care bt it now tht we have it? its been 57 years n boy thts a long time! oh sure we crammed all abt the freedom struggle from our history books in school n managed to get a decent grade! n yea our patriotic instinct does surface a bit whn we see those movies abt our soldiers n u know the minute we walk out the movie theatre it goes as quickly as it comes...n m talkin abt approx 90% of ppl..including me. coz then we're faced wid reality...we realise tht mayb our revolutionaries sacrificed themselves for nothin...tho the britishers are out for good...the condition of the ppl has hardly improved. women (at least those in rural areas) are still treated in the same inhuman way, beggars are a still a common sight, n so many ppl cant earn a day's meal n go to sleep starving, there's no food, no water, no shelter n no clothing. graduates are still moping the street unemployed...the list can go on. 57 years have passed n everything is still where it was. yea ok some believe we hv developed..u mite say i being a girl can freely talk bt my views today. yes i certainly agree. bt i like few others am an exception. because my folks work hard, they cud give me a decent education n buy me good clothes to m only one of the more fortunate ones. a girl my age works in my house as a servant..she had to run away from home, leave the school she was attending in her village because her father wanted her to get married to some old joker. i can place hundreds of such examples. i feel so sorry for her..n i notice the sad look in her eyes when she sees me goin to college. is this wht we call independence? whr is independence? is it really there?

Friday, August 13, 2004

The Lake

hey all
this is a poem i discovered some time back on the cover of a very famous book. n this thing really touched me. i feel like reading it everyday..n everytime i get a new meaning. its something i can call meanigful...

"Because one night i stopped and stood,
On valleys covered all in wood,
And i looked to where the water lies
Upon the Rising, Dawning cities.
Awakened to the lake i saw,
Filled with the ale of an unknown law,
I gazed upon the water's edge,
Before i walked the broken ledge,
The sky is smooth and water clear,
Reflecting eyes a treaure near,
I flew on the whispering winds of fall...
Waiting for that guiding call,
Will it ever come, O lake that cries?
At times we wonder where the spirit dies...
And beyond the rushing waterfall,
The time will come when the lake fills all."
Jonathan Friedman

c ya folks!

Wednesday, August 11, 2004


hello world!
this is Mirage..dont ask me why i kept that name coz if i go into that u probably wont read the rest of this! this is the first time i'm actually gonna share my thoughts with anyone. i had a habit of keeping a diary...n tht thing is like my soul. i pour just abt evry 1 of thoughts into it. bt now i thought why not get some views on wht i write..i mean i wanna know if its bull shit or hmm nice or hey pretty good! so whtever u might feel ur free to comment!
ok a lil abt myself? i'm a girl of 19 (well i will be this sep). i'm in 2nd yr of col..doin journalism (hons) in delhi university. i have a huge family n a small close knit circle of friends..i mean the really close know-me-well kind of people. n i treasure them all. i love music...its somethin i cant dream of living without...any time i'm game for ghazals, or soft rock or sometimes old classics. n umm i like to read..esp books tht contain stuff i can actually use. like Paulo Coelho, Neale Donald walsch, M.Scott Peck n also the Chicken Soups. i believe in God..n also the fact that there's only one God. i hate makes me sick. its the most overrated piece of shit i can think of. i think all it does is bind people instead of setting them free. n i especially hate those people who kill others in the name of religion..theyre the ones who should be cut to pieces.
ok i better shift from tht track coz then i can get pretty violent! i'm nothing of tht sort once u see me...n i do have a sense of humour...this is all just wht i feel. i probably wud have to muster up all my courage to speak out! so i chose the easy way..this way. whr i can be anonymous..
well this is just a fragment about me..i hope i get a response from u ppl(good or bad) so i can get a lil encouragement to continue...
c ya soon