Sunday, November 11, 2007

Why arranged marriage is best for me

Yea so I’m talking about marriage. I mean it’s not exactly me talking, but I’m forced to think about it. After all I am 22 years of age, “ripe and ready” for my relatives to start talking and my family to start looking.

So yea, coming back to the title of the post: why arranged marriage is best suited for me. Well there are a number of reasons. I’ve given this a lot of thought (since these days, I haven’t got much to do) and have arrived at this conclusion.

1) Men are beyond me. If commitment is what they want from a girl and if that’s what they get, they outgrow it. They slowly start wanting to have security, then maturity, then cooking skills, then understanding, then patience, then space and eventually, they want to be left alone. Too complicated.

2) Kisi ne sahi kaha tha. Kalyug aa gaya hai. It’s impossible to find a guy who will (forgive me for being wishful and orthodox) love you for who you are and not the body you have. Seriously guys, there IS more to love than making out the whole time. I thought I’d found Mr. Right but apparently it was all wrong. So again, too complicated.

3) I have this funda in life: I can’t just be with someone I barely know, just for the heck of being with him. I have to be friends with the guy for an eternity, know him in and out, develop feelings for him (non forcibly), fall in love, think about the future and then step into a relationship. And that’s going to take a LOT of time and effort, and frankly I don’t have faith in my own decisions now, and neither do I have the patience.

4) If, for instance, the guy I end up marrying is a moron, guess what? It’s not my fault! I can easily nag my folks and tell ‘em “hey you found him, not me”! So life would be somewhat simpler, with lesser things to feel guilty about.

Besides, come on, they’re my parents. They would want me to be happy. How wrong can they possibly be in finding the right match for me? And there are so many people out there who are pretty happy with each other. And love’s only been reduced to a myth, or rather, an unattainable treasure. Only the lucky ones get to experience it. I’ve been lucky, just not lucky enough. And that’s OK.

Oh by the way, it’s not like I’m getting married right now. I still have a considerable amount of time. And honestly, I don’t even think I’m ready for this thing. This was just thinking aloud- sorry, forced to think. Aloud.


Naresh said...

Is this a tag??? :P
Tht aside, wht u said holds true for me too! Committment, carrying it beyond, sustaining the momentum, moulding myself to evolve and mature in the relationship r all things probably beyond me... and hence I dont try much! :P
If it has to happen, probly it ll happen... The mantra is just not try hard for anything, just accept things as they happen! :D

Ashu said...

stay away from arranged marriage

Rohit Talwar said...

Love is an unattainable treasure, true.

Arranged marriages mostly end up as compromises for the rest of the couples' lives - at least that's what I have seen.

It's just nice to be on one's own. I really want everyone to understand it and think of better things like music, alcohol and good things in life than love and bitch troubles (sorry there). Relationships are such a pain - and we both know we both agree!

Chill out :)

manuscrypts said...

as the saying goes 'abhi picture baki hain, mere dost'.. so i'll watch out for the updates :)

Stone said...

Manu said it!!!
You're just 22, abhi to 'picture estart huey hai' :-)

c e e d y said...

marriage arranged or love is a journey for which you have to be ready from mind, body or spirit....even if one of them is questioning you dont enter it just yet.

annie said...

A pat on your back for thinking out loud but with such truthfulness. Guess what I exactly feel for points 1 to 3…seems as if u just wrote down my feelings here. I am shit scared of arranged marriage but hell I have lost faith in all the guys of the world..They all da same……damn all same…Btw I loved loved this post.

KP said...

Arrange/Love both are gamble... i have seen both of them "grass isnt greener on anyside"..u need patience, committment...many more things for it to work... so be wise when u make decision...and think hard and long b4 committing to any situation.......

Mirage said...

@naresh: yea that's what i've been doin...lessee!

@Ashu: Wow...that sounded lk a dangerous warning! I think i'll stay away from marriage only!

@rohit: If only this was easy!

@manuscrypts & Stone: Meri life picture lag rahi hai bewakoofon!

@ceedy: oh yea i won't. I'm just a kid!! Just wish my relatives wud see that! *rolls eyes*

@Annie: Hehe thanks! I think i'm goin to become a nun at this rate! ;)

@KP: Yep. I can't afford to jump into anythin without thinking. I've learnt my lesson!

John F said...

LOL! The eternal debate carries on then!
I was once a member of a forum where we had a thread on similar lines. Needless to say the thread ran for 100+ pages and eventually moderators had to step in and close it down :D

Marriage is a curiously interesting concept..........ahh! but maybe some other day.

Maren said...

boys are complicated, that's for sure. I don't think life is supposed to be easy...

~Amod~ said...

I have to be friends with the guy for an eternity, know him in and out, develop feelings for him (non forcibly), fall in love, think about the future and then step into a relationship

Asking for too much :)

love you for who you are and not the body you have
Why not both?

Even in arranged marriage, I think there should be considerable gap between "arrangement" and "marriage".

dharmabum said...

i am beginning to believe that marriage, however it happens, is about one decision we make - to make things happen, come what may. thats it. love marriage or arranged marriage, its the same.

thats said, i'd opt for no marriage. who knows whats in store. its only when we start taking so much ownership that we feel pressed for the need to make these big decisions. i leave it to Him.

downright crazyyyy!!!!!!!!!! said...

love, mararige & boys sure baffles me ...a mystery dat i m not sure weter i wanna solve.

hey u said u want 2 noe ur man inside out , fall n love etc. but dats love marraige right?
or wer u talking abt arranged love marraiges , its more or less like dating a guy chosen by ur family 4 sumtime & den deciding weter u wanna go any further . but dats jus hw normal dating is.
& abt parents doing only thngs wch r best 4 u . dont u thnk , somtimes even v don noe wots best 4 us...den hw can u expect sum1 else , whover it b ,2 take such imp a decision 4 u & hope it wld turn out 4 de best.
i m not blaming/questioning u dear...
just voicing out ma apprehensions perhaps

Deepali said...

Haha - very valid points.

I am so glad that I am nearly 25 and am only now hearing all this "stuff" from my parents.

Anyway point 3, I think is why most people finally give in.

And point 4 I believe is why most arranged marriages actually continue. My logic is that if I made a decision and I messed up, I will go ahead and try and correct it but if I let someone else make the decision for me, it would be more difficult to correct because there would be so many people being let down etc.

Anyway it was a fun read. Hoping you don't get badgered too much too soon on the topic.

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