Saturday, November 12, 2005

A bitter reality

This is a very personal post. I was contemplating whether I shud post it or not, but I had to get it out ...its killing me.

Its about 2 of the most wonderul people I know and love...my brother and bhabhi.
They are the happy-go-lucky kinda people you come across...the ones that find a way to make you smile no matter how down youre feeling. They are the ones who will lend you a patient ear, hear you out and then find a solution to make all your troubles melt away. The ones that go out of the way to help you get out of a sticky situation. The ones that smile when they feel like crying, or laugh so you wont notice their tears.

My brother and bhabhi got married in February 2000. We were all so happy. My bhabhi is a jewel and my brother knew what she's worth. They love each other like crazy. In these 5 years theyve helped each other so much, and they have been rewarded well for their efforts. They have everything, but are still incomplete. They dont have a child. They cant have a child. And this bitter truth cuts through them like a knife.

They have been trying to have a baby for the past 3 years, but everything they do just falls short. Everytime, they come home, disappointed. And still dont say a word to anyone. They put on a brave face and smile through the pain. But I know, how lonely they feel. I see the yearning in their eyes when they see a baby. I see them look at each other with despair when they hear that some friend of theirs is expecting. I have seen them hug each other and cry softly. And I feel helpless, standing on the sidelines wishing there's something I can do to make them happy...

31 comments:

milo said...

acche logon ke saath god aisa kyun karte hain??bt i will pray dat in the coming yrs they have it all..wat dey deserve.

The Phoenix said...

It was brave of you to put up this post.It's not the easiest thing to do.

I hope that they get the happiness and joy they've been waiting for.Take care and God bless..

TripleSix said...

hey megha...
i'm deeply depressed with wat has hap with ur dear ones...
i know god is not being fair with ppl who are innocent...wat to do,seems like he's only improvin upon his sense of humour...
i totally despise His way of judgement,but u know wat more than this illusion,as smthin called God,wich we,the human have created,will only fade once it's over...
we actually don't the truth yet...
if we are possesed with some abnormalilties,dn't frget,there are ppl out there who are provin the other way round...god made us,so do i need to say wat He has infused us with..
look at the natural calamities tht has occurred so far...i call it His way of playin games with us...
i'm not sayin God is nthin..wat he's doin is wrong...no..i'm not tryin to imbibe those thoughts into u..
all i want to say is,tht dependin totally on Him is of no good too..
wat we have to do is fight it out..
every cloud has it silver lining,and i'm sure sayin this alone will not help solve problem,but will only satisfy u literally..
i guess it's we,the human,tht i dote on,shud work things out...
shud help solve problems tht god has casted on us...
it's not the end of the world...
good thigs will come ur way,and i can only pray,it works out...
pray to the almighty who has done mighty injustice with u...
i know,at the end of all of this,i have bcome depended on someone i'm anti with...GOD

but wat to do,he's pereenial and it's He who has created us..
He is someone whom we can love,hate..but cn't ignore it...

the same way,we sometimes deal with our parents too...
dn't worry,He is gr8...
He's only a lil moody,but when it comes to helpin someone...He's generous...

cherubic_chipmunk said...

i kno how it is wen u really wanna lend a helping hand but cant-i've bin thro' such situations and i'm sure evry1 has...
Hey u say they dont have a child,fine- but i beg to disagree wen u say they cant-believe me,wid technology growin in leaps and bounds each nanosecond,the prob can easily b circumvented...and that too very very soon...
and finally lemme reproduce the magical words i read in readers digest recently
-"NOTHING IS PERMANENT-NOT EVEN UR SORROWS"-so keep ur fingers crossed-things will definitely take a turn for de better...

khelnayak said...

How about adopting one? I know its one's own personal opinion but it definitely is food for thought. I have already decided on adopting one in my later life if and when i get married. :)

!xobile said...

that is sad...
but all that happens is most certainly for the better.

i know saying this for some1 else is easy, but it is what it is.

Mirage said...

@milo: Thnx yaar...they deserve so much better.

@phoenix: thanx man, they need all the good wishes they can get...

@nika: I think god gives us sorrows so we can value our joys. I hope He doesnt let them wait too long tho... n thnx for ur concern niks.

@arvind: I hope ur right man, i really hope so.

@khelnayak: adoption is the last option. but they want to try everything possible to give childbirth a try...

@ze exaggaerator: I knw man, just wishing it'll pass soon.

anuj said...

megha thts sad .. and at these times .. one might confront u .. ur bhaiya & bhabhi .. and they wud say THANKS FOR BEING THERE ..... but words dont really help here. Its nice tht they share a lovely relationship with each other .... cause they need it the most this time ...

I dont knw how this may sound .. but cudnt they adopt one .. in the world of today we people have got over this BLOOD relationship stuff .... i dont knw how they wud feel abt it .. and hey its not u whos supposed to say tht .. it wud sound bad .. ur parents can suggest tht .... and fianlly the decisions there. May be this cud reduce there pain quitea bit .. or otherwise it might look tht theres nothing wrong ... but people " ANDAR HI ANDAR GHOOTHTE REHTE HAIN " .... and they hardly let it out .... and this doesmt help ..

ANd abt wht u can do .. all ucan do is give some moments of hapiness .... make them laugh .. dont look in to their eyes with sad eyes for their pain .... and hey ur bubbly character can help here ....

and it was very brave of u to share it here ... thankz for sharing .. sometimes its better to let things out then to keep them inside ..

the Monk said...

wait for the sunshine...the rays will eventually break through...

random_rambler said...

what do you think you would have done in their place?.. adopt.. at least thats what i would have done... what can you do about it? probably talk to them about adoption.. if it might help.. i dont know... why is this differnt from the previous suggestion to adopt... i guess.. it always finally boils down to your unhappiness factor and what you can do about it... but sometimes you cant... the same thing for happiness as well i guess.. when you cant.. it hurts most.. or it pleasures most... wehn it hurts more.. all you can think of is " what can i do".... well if there is nothing you can do... well.. rite a blog or spend some tears sigh.. im almost blogging in your blog .... lol.. but ill let it lie.. ..lol. if you decide not to delete it :)

Smartalec said...

man, i didn't expect this at all! jeez! sometimes i really start doubting the "existence" of God! it's quite unfair what he does to some good people!
i admire ur brother and bhabhi, megha! can't imagine the extent of the pain they must be feeling but still keeping a smiling face inspite of everything... damn, such people deserve everything....

"prayer" to God:
Listen up,u big ol' meanie! better think of something fast and ensure that good ppl don't have to go through the tough times that u make them go through:x! else u'll have me to answer to!*rolls up sleeves*

NOTE: i just violated one of the Ten Commandments but what the heck! sue me!

and megha! take care buddy! words aren't enough to express my feelings!

random_rambler said...

god?? what god?

manjari said...

ur bhaiya bhabhi reminded me of very close friends...ashu n roopali...made for each other...going thru the same trauma...u know wat...whenever we talk about it...ashu always says...we are delaying it deliberately bcoz right now u all r busy taking care of ur kids but by the time we have them u all will be free to give them all ur care n love so our child will be a lucky one as he will have not just a pair of hearts to care for...but more than one to shower their love n blessings.
hope is wat keeps us going ...n i have seen miracles happen...just keep on believing in them.
all they need is support which they will never be short of when a sister like u is around...
all i can do is pray...god bless them
take care

Rahul said...

That is indeed very sad. It is our most basic instinct to procreate, and the one thing we take the hardest when denied. But, there is never an end of the road here, i personally know of couples who have had the first baby 13 years from marraige. Iam sure they love each other enough for nature to work it grace...

Arz000n said...

How about adopting a baby?

Im not sure how this sounds to you...but this can also be considered right..

But, Mirage hope things go fine for your bhaiya-bhabhi pretty soon.

Chillax.

zxcv said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
zxcv said...

There are times wen u r at a loss of words. but u know wat, life is a gr8 leveler and all u can do is hope 4 the best.
advice must be poring from all ends and i dont think i have anything new to offer, Doctors must have informed them but just in case if no one has brought this up, artificial insemination is also a possibility these days.
as for now the best i can do is offer my sholder to u.

friendinneed said...

Megz ,plz dont worry. I know god cant be so cruel and why r u worrying if God has given some problem he only will show the way to solve it. I am really short of words to express my feeling but i just want u to know that all my best wishes are with ur bhaiya and Bhabhi.i just want u to know that i am around u whenever u need me.i pray that god does some miracle and everything is fine.

Mirage said...

@anuj: They themselves try and be cheerful all the time, dont make us realise wht theyre goin thru at all. and yes they have kept adoption as the last option... they do not want to let go of the slightest chance to have their own child... neway thnx for being there man.

@varun: the clouds have been around for long...i guess the sunshine must be on its way.

@random_rambler: if writing a blog cud solve matters, i'd spend my whole day on blogspot! but it only helps me vent my feelings...not them. and btw adoption is their last option...

@steve: hehe thnx for the 'warning' to God buddy! i'm sure he'll pay heed soon...! :)

@manjari: I'm waiting for a miracle to happen too manj. hey give my best wishes to ur frnds. n thnx 4 being there.

@rahul: I really hope things work out soon enuf man, it kills me to see them in despair.

@arz000n: yea they do have adoption in mind, but thts like a last resort. oh n thnx for being there man...

@zxcv: IVF is something theyre considering. but none of these has a 100% chance of success. lets hope it works out man... n thnx so much for ur support man...take care

@bhajji: i knw ur there yaar, just be there like u always have. thnx for everything. take care

Mr. Maverick said...

It is quite depressing :(.

There was a time i used to pray and believe in God. But i dont believe there is anything/anyone like that.

I really dont know what to say! Why cant they adopt a kid?

Naresh said...

Hope is the only thing left in moments of despair like this...
It is great that they know the value of each other n love each other so much! God probably hasnt gvn them a child yet only to show them how much love n care they hv in each other. One day he ll hv 2 budge!

Mirage said...

@arun: I believe God has a reason for everything he does. He has to balance our joys n sorrows. And why is it that we blame Him for our troubles and forget to thank Him for giving us our good times?

And yes, they are considering option...but they'll resort to it once they have no other option left.

Take care man...

@naresh: Yep, He'll have to budge! We're all hoping for the best. Thnx for ur concern buddy! take care.

Rohit Talwar said...

hey buddy... everything happens for a reason.. for something to follow...and even you wrote it... so... all i wana say is..

keep smiling and see what happens!

and a blog is the best way you can let out all the stuff that's in you...bothering you so to say...

so.. :)

Keshi said...

I agree with Rohit above...everything happens for a reason...I have seen many good ppl face harsh situations like this...we cant u'stand why it happens to good ppl but it happens.

My dad died when I was just 16...twas totally unexpected...to date I keep asking why...I dunno if I'll ever get an answer in this life, but I still believe there must be a reason and I know I will learn of it some day...

Good luck to both of em...after all, I have known couples who have tried for years and then getting pregnant when they least expect it...so tell ur bro and bhabi not to stress abt it so much...and to stop concentrating on it all the time...Im sure they will have good news soon :)

Keshi.

monks said...

hey brave post.. hats off!!
see i cant say anything, dont think it wud be right (sensitive)..
but yes, hope everything's fine..and things turn out to be good..

Mirage said...

@rohit: yep...just hope its a damn good reason tho. hey thnx for visiting man!

@keshi: Thnx keshi...they need all the luck and good wishes they can get. N sorry bt ur dad buddy...i cant even imagine wht u've gone thru. Take care hun...:)

@monks: Thnx for ur concern buddy. n hey thnx for dropping by!

Jayant said...

Hmm...this is actually all very sad! Have they considered any other alternatives? Surrogacy, maybe? But I think, finding a surrogate mother in India would be tough as hell. There must be SOME way their problem could be tackled.
All I can do is pray for your bhaiya and bhabhi and wish for them to have a prospersous life with beautiful children. You see someday this wish would come true! :)

Jithu said...

hey mirage.. my prayers for bhaiya and bhabhi.. and i'm sure there will b some way thru...

Mirage said...

@jay: They're trying out all options man, tho i dnt think they'd agree for surrogacy. bt lets keep our fingers crossed.

@jithu: thnx so much man!

johney said...

I will light a candle and pray for them.

Mirage said...

@johney: Thts great buddy...thanku so very much. God bless u!