Don't ask...!

There was a time, when I was at the peak of happiness. Everything was going great for me- personally and professionally. That’s when I used to think, life’s good. Then, like the sensex, after reaching the peak, my life’s graph crashed and bombed.

First, my more-than-a-year-long relationship ended.

Second, my reviews in office didn’t go quite as expected.

Third, I come to know, that my long lost friend has expired.

And now, fourth, I’ve quit my job.

I’m heartbroken, depressed, single and unemployed. Trust me, the graph can’t get lower than this.

Sigh…just hope the good phase comes back again. And soon.

His song

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh, you don't have to go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, All those tears I cry ay ay ay ay ay
All those tears I cry oh oh oh oh ay, Baby please don't go.

When I read the letter you wrote me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the words that it told me,It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, Every breath I take oh oh oh oh oh
Every move I make hey hey, Baby please don't go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh,
You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh, Darling please don't go.

When I read the letter you sent me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the news that it brought me, It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
Oh baby, ba-bee bee please please pleaseah ah ah ah ah baby ah ah
I really love you babyoo oo oo oo oo darlin' oooohhhh oh
Oh baby I still love you so, Oh baby I still love you so

ohohoh, ooo, oh oh oh oh oh yeah
(Fire?) ah ah oh ah ah ah oooohhh
(fire?) ah ah ah ah ah, oooooooooooooo
(fire?) Ohhh baby....

You know how it feels when you just come to know one day, that someone you were once close to, is no longer in this world? Someone you lost touch with, rather broke all communication with, is now dead? You know, when you stop talking to someone, you still live in the hope that things may be revived some years down the line. That someday, you might just bump into each other, and old times would be forgotten, and everything would just be ok. But then a truth comes and hits you in the face- he's dead- and you just sit there not knowing what happened.

Hey Rian, or should I call you D'yer Mak'er, or Jason Bourne ...I don't know what would've happened if we were still talking. I don't know what happened to you, how it happened...why it happened. I don't know what were the thoughts that circled your mind as you lay on your death bed. It kills me to think I couldn't speak with you one last time. You went away, as always, without a word. And just a month before your birthday. You always said people didn't love you enough. If only you were around to see this. Gosh... I still don't believe this. I hope this is a lie. Coz if you'd read this, you'll know you touched my life in more than a million ways. And now, it's just shocking to realise you're never coming back.

I hope you get happiness wherever you go. You were a good person, Rian. May God bless you.

Starry night weekend

We had been planning a weekend break since a long time, but nothing seemed to materialize. Finally one friend suggested we go to Rishikesh for river rafting. It was more than two years since I'd gone, and I couldn't resist going for a second time.

So last weekend I, with five other friends, packed our bags to leave Delhi and forget everything for a while. I was the last one to be picked up, and when we were all together, we just hugged each other, thankful that it's finally happening!

We didn't even realise where the 7 hour drive went. Continuously chatting, listening to music, cracking jokes, eating, sleeping....we didn't discuss anything about our daily lives, probably because we all wanted a break from our stressful routines.

We reached Shivpuri around 2.30 pm, and immidiately changed to hit the water. The ambience of the place was just breathtaking. Mountains, white sand and the Ganges, and around it, a whole cluster of camps. We were far from civilization, and that's all we needed.

We were all strapped up in the raft in the next 30 mins, ready to get some action. The instructor told us what we were supposed to do, and then finally we started off. As we approached the first rapid, we held our breath and wrapped our fingers tighter around the oar. Then as the instructor screamed 'Forward' we all put our entire power and paddled forward. Harder with each stroke. The water was ice cold as it hit our faces, and the raft bobbed threateningly. But it was over soon. And gosh, what a high! We cheered ourselves for our efforts and geared up for the next one.

With each powerful stroke, I could feel myself releasing all my pain, all the stress, all the misery that I'd been holding on to. And overcoming every rapid, felt like an accomplishment. We'd covered close to 20 kms, and boy that's something to be proud of! By the end of it, every lil part of my body ached, but I felt completely at peace.

We drove back to the camp and changed out of our soggy clothes. It was getting really chilly, and I was glad I'd carried my woolens. And when we stepped out of the tent, the sight that greeted us took our breath away. We looked up and saw zillions of stars, twinkling away in the sky. It was so beautiful, it didn't seem real. It was as if some one had sprinkled all the world's diamonds on the black velvety sky. We were speechless for a while and just kept gazing up, in awe. At that moment, I realized my own troubles meant nothing. Nothing at all. Why was I sad, when there's so much beauty and joy around me. I found myself wishing I could stay here forever. Just laying on the white sand and gazing at the stars that were there only for me. I felt one with the universe and nothing could break me down.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken the day we left. I knew it was going to be back to the same old, stressful rat race of life. But I also knew that life can be better; life is good, and that I'm taking all of God's creation with me, forming memories that would last for a lifetime.

Colourless

Life once was

a myriad of hues
Now drained of color
save for blues

Like day and night
like black and white
It’s dim and dull
devoid of light

The day you left
I bade goodbye
To pinks and reds
and shades of joy

Now I live
In tones of grey
Clinging to the past
A shadow of dismay