Weekend getaway

I'm completing two years of marriage this Sunday (still can't believe it!) and so have planned on a little weekend getaway with hubby. Really really itching to get out of Delhi and escape the drab, humid weather...ugh! We're going to Camp Potters' Hill in Himachal, just a few miles before Shimla. Looks interesting with its Swiss tents, tree houses, nature walks and bonfires, all in the lap of nature. Two nights and three days of pure bliss!

Will update when I'm back!

Timeless

Life rushes by

In a blink of an eye

The clock won't stop

And neither will I

No matter the ache

Or people who fake

Promises and smiles

I will not break

Fury and fire

May burn my spire

My body may burn

My soul won't tire

For I am the light

So pure and white

Beyond mortality

Flaring the night

And as times fly

or days go by

My dreams will live

and hope won't die

The Magic of Classics

Finally! Some time away from the mundane life that I have! These days I'm being introduced to the word 'stress' in a big way. It's physical torture to sit in one place and stare at the computer! But there's something that works as a great stress buster for me and gives immediate relaxation: music! I'm waking up to the charm of old Hindi songs recently. I'm truly amazed at their simplicity.

Listening to these songs is such a beautiful reminder of a world that once was. The intricate way they describe emotions... feels so fragile and so pure. There are a hundred ways of saying the same things - love with shokhiyon me ghola jaye, grief with tujhse naraaz nahi zindagi, joy with pancchi banoo, nostalgia with najaane kyu or plain madness with junglee - each a beautiful, modest expression in itself. Just makes me feel so relieved and truly relaxed.

Guess it's true for every simple thing we come across. We're so busy trying to make our lives better, that we forget to appreciate the goodness of being natural. I know that sounds cliched but its true all the same. Just stop and think for a moment, that in this mad race where are we all headed, and what is it that we're looking for?

Now playing: Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai :)

Tohtally random

Finally, got some time to blog. Even working from home doesn't leave me with too much time. In between, I got so many thoughts that I wanted to write about but somehow couldn't pen down any. And now I remember none! How awful! :(

Well, I'd rather chit chat then, about the latest goings-on in my life.

Celebrated my birthday last Monday (14th Sept.) Gosh, 24 feels old!

Got hubby to join facebook and now he's addicted. Silly me!

Work's hectic. Have taken a work from home editing assignment with HT, that keeps glued to my seat for 5 hours, besides the other content development work. And what's worse, I don't get offs on Id, Dushera, Gandhi Jayanti...yada, yada. Actually, its not so bad, but it pinches me because hubby gets all the long weekends and I don't! Hmph!

Ma Pa completed 40 years of their marriage yesterday. Wow, that does feel like a long time. Wonder if I'll be able to make it so far! :P

Last 2 weeks have been full of going to visit relatives - most of them sick. Gosh, there were like 5 peole who were in hospital. I really hate hospitals, they give me the creeps.

Shopping always lifts my mood. Bought a new saree the other day. It's red, chiffon, and damn sexy!! Can't wait to wear it! :)

Oh, and I got a new phone! Finallyyyyy. Actually its a gift from hubby. Needless to say, I luuuurve it! :D

Rahul Mahajan is doing a Rakhi Sawant - except its a 'swayam-vadhu'. This is just one of those moments when I roll my eyes, give an exasperated sigh and say: ewwwww!

That's about all that happened. Nothing eventful. Will hopefully update soon. ;)

XOXO

The next chapter

Like most of you predicted, I wasn't able to stay away too long! So here I am, beginning a new post, a new chapter of the second act of life. I hope I last this one out.

I celebrated my 1st wedding anniversary on July 18. Can you believe it has already been a whole year? I can't. It's as if it were only yesterday that I was getting jitters about marriage. Though time has zoomed by, it has left some very major impressions on my life. You see, married life is not the blissful journey I thought it to be, rather, wished it to be. It isn't bad, but it makes you grow up real fast, whether you like it or not.

Soon after the honeymoon, hubby and I were staying together, but not with my in-laws. Boy, what chaos! I didn't know the first thing about running a home! It was literally madness in the first couple of months - I couldn't cook so that added to the mess. Somehow, with help from my mum-in-law and mom, I got things going. But the loneliness killed me. I wasn't working at the time, so the empty walls of the house bored me to death.

During this time, my father-in-law's (Dad) health deteriorated. He was diagnosed with stomach cancer and his condition showed no sign of improvement. That is when we took a call to move back in with my in-laws. It turned out to be a life saver for me. Not only has it helped me learn the ropes, but has also given me a chance to get to know everyone better. There were times when I had to be at the hospital with Dad for hours. Cancer has a knack of taking a toll on everyone's lives. It sure did on me, because I felt connected to this new family, shared their sorrow as if it were my own.

Dad passed away in March this year. The house is suddenly quiet, devoid of any real joy. My happy-go-lucky mum-in-law puts up a brave face, but I know she misses him the most. I can't even imagine what hubby went through...he's without a father now. The thought itself makes me feel like something's died inside me. But the best thing about all this was that we were united in our grief.

Things have somewhat gone back to normal. I've quit my job and have started freelancing from home. This way I get to be with mum-in-law more often. When I look back at this one year, I realize it has changed me. I am no longer the dreamy-eyed girl I once was, but a more practical individual now. I'm still wishful at times, but try and remain grounded. I wonder what the years to come will bring in, but I know now, for cerain, that I won't be beaten.

The Bride

She tips her face elegantly
And dusts her cheeks with pink
Widens her eyes, fluttering lashes
Darkening them with kohl
She then puckers her lips
And paints them a deep red
Her neck, ears and forehead
Laden with jewels
The subtle scent of henna
Floating through the air
The melody of her bangles echoes
As she slips them on
Her dress sparkles in the bright yellow lights
Like diamonds in the rough
The watery music of her trinkets reverberates
As she takes slow, uncertain steps
Downcast eyes,
Bearing a demure look
Taking on the beauty of the night
She reflects an eternal glow
All eyes on her,
Greeting her with smiles
The girl that she once was
Has turned into a woman
They now call her: The Bride

Mixed Emotions

This past month has rushed by, without me getting to know it. Just flew by. Life suddenly feels like a roller coaster ride- exciting, yet intimidating. Seen and felt so much… just hope the happiness encircling me now lasts forever.

In a matter of less than 31 days, I juggled so many roles, all at once. I now belong to two families, instead of one. And I fell in love, all over again. Gosh, it really did happen real fast. My heart skips a beat when I think of the uncertainty that lies before me. But I’m also getting the “butterflies-in-my-stomach” feeling that one gets before stepping into something new and exciting. A barrel of mixed emotions… that’s how I’d define the last few days.

Hope the future is as fulfilling as the present.

One fine day…

There are times when life gives you surprises. Big ones. This is one of them.

In my 22 years, I have seen several ups and downs, in terms of my career, friendships, relationships and life, in general. I thought, I had more or less experienced every phase of life, and could deal with just about anything that came my way. I was wrong.

It was an ordinary, boring Tuesday, and I was just lazing around. Mum returned from one of her get-togethers and shook me out of my daydream. “Wake up! I have news for you!” She proceeded to tell me there’s a ‘rishta’ that’s come for me, and what a great guy he is, and his family is even nicer, yada yada. I ignored most of it, and lashed out at her when it started to get annoying.

The rest of my family gathered together for a “meeting” in the evening, and ripped apart, the profile of the guy. After about 45 mins of discussion, they declared him, “the perfect guy”. The next thing I knew, my profile and pictures were emailed to the family, and phones were ringing off the hook. What followed was a whole week of frustration, screaming, shouting and lots of tears.

The same week, on Saturday, his parents came to meet me. I was cordial. Everything went ‘well’, and they decided to call the boy to Delhi for a meeting. The whole of next week went by, as if in a moment. At first, when I met him, I thought he was this really knowledgeable, intelligent, mature, worldly-wise individual. But when we actually got talking, I realized there really was a fun side to him, and he allayed my fears of “our mental wavelength” not matching. Though I’ve met him only twice, I can’t deny the fact, that I did like him. He has this ‘genuineness’ about him that is truly unique. Now of course I can’t testify for everything, but for a first meeting, he made a pretty good impression.

So, the surprise part is that I am getting married. Today is the betrothal ceremony. I still can’t believe it, as it’s all happened so fast. And on top of that, it’s an arranged marriage. The wedding, of course will happen much later. But then again, I can’t say, with the way things are going. I just hope, I’ve made the right decision. Through all this, I’ve learnt one thing: if something has to happen, it will. And that everything is OK in the end.

Wild Weekend!

My Christmas weekend was just awesome. My friends and I had taken a short trip to Jim Corbett National Park, in Uttaranchal. Waking up at 4 am for the cab ride was a pain, but once we all were together, time just flew. Within 5 hours we were at our resort- the Corbett Nature Resort. I have to admit I had some inhibitions about the place when I’d first heard of it, but when I got there I felt as if I’ve drifted into a dream. With the jungle in our front yard, and River Kosi in our backyard, what more could we ask for! We’d booked 3 cottages between the six of us, and they were exactly like the cute little huts that we used to draw when we were kids; complete with the tiny window, door and hay roof. It was simply adorable!

My friends and I have a bad habit of being laidback. And so as usual we hadn’t booked a safari for ourselves. After taking a power nap, we went to the booking office only to know that all jeeps and elephants were booked. We moped around, feeling awfully dejected, when two of my friends decided to try again. They went back to the officer and ever so sweetly told him, “bachhe hain sir, kitni umeedon ke saath aye hain, please try to kijiye na”. I don’t know what came over that man, but the next minute he was signing the permit for a FULL DAY jeep safari! We were absolutely ecstatic!!

We spent the rest of the day exploring the riverside, behind our resort. The surroundings were breathtaking. Just across the river, was the forest and we could see the outline of mountain peaks over the horizon. The water was somewhat shallow and we decided we would definitely try and cross the river before leaving. Watching the sun set gave us a feeling I can’t even begin to describe. Complete and utter peace!

Next morning, me and my lazy friends somehow made it in time to the gate of the park and after renting a pair of binoculars and a seemingly good guide (or so it seemed) we set off to explore the jungle. We really wanted to see a tiger and kept mum for the initial hour, craning our necks in anticipation. We did get a few “leads”and "calls"- like paw prints, or the guy on the elephant “directing” us to the tiger, or deer shooting "warnings" to each other. But no luck. We managed to spot three types of deer and a couple of wild elephants, and of course lots of ‘langurs’ but that’s it. What irked us was that surprisingly every single tourist who’d gone inside that day saw a tiger. We sulked like anything when they showed us pictures and videos they’d taken of the tiger. Just our bad luck I guess. On our way out we told ourselves that the tiger obviously suffered from an inferiority complex compared to us! *Chuckle*

That night we lit a bonfire and soaked in the warmth while watching the surroundings bathed in moonlight. Afterwards, we slept like logs coz the bumpy forest road had given us a severe backache. Next morning we got up early to keep our word of crossing the river. We found a shallow spot to cross, and the minute we dipped our feet in we screamed. The water was freezing! Not giving in, we tread on, making a human chain against the fast current. Our feet hurt as we stepped over the slippery pebbles and became numb with cold. We made it halfway and then I couldn’t go on. Four of my friends were daring enough to continue while a friend and I sat on a large rock in the river. I envied their enthusiasm as they made it to the other side and back! But it surely was some experience!

We quickly changed into dry clothes and hurried towards the cab. We didn’t want to leave, as always, but had no choice but to jump in. Most of the road trip was spent in “trying to sleep” and listening to our favorite tracks. Though I’d been to Corbett before, this time was a lot more memorable. I guess a place has something new to offer every time you visit. Hope the new year brings more fun times with it.

Another end

A lot of things ended for me this year. In terms of studies, career, relationships and people. First I left Mumbai after college got over, and along with it some close friends. Then my relationship ended. My job followed suit. And along the way, a lot of my loved ones passed away too.

The most recent death was of my sister-in-law’s father. When mom broke the news to me, I did not believe it. He wasn’t old, he wasn’t unwell, he wasn’t an alcoholic or a smoker- he quietly went about doing his daily tasks… then how could he just…go? I didn’t believe the news until I saw him- lying lifeless. The man who was so full of life, was now, just lying on the floor. They say he had a massive heart attack- probably didn’t feel it. How the hell can he not feel it?? If only someone was there with him, if only he wasn’t alone, maybe he’d still be here with us, cheerful and happy

I remember the way he used to greet me- “Hello, my dear! How are you?”- not like some people who just say things and don’t mean it. He meant everything he said. This happy-go-lucky kind of guy, who lives- lived- for the moment is no longer here. I was afraid how my niece would take it, but even though she cried a bit for her grandpa, she was calm after a while. I guess that’s how he wanted us to be… to continue with our lives, without missing him too much.

***

Crematoriums, I thought, would be all the more depressing. But strangely, I found it peaceful. To see him go like that, I thought, he’s finally at peace. Maybe now he’s truly free. Although we all miss him terribly and it’s going to be long before we get used to living without him, we know life will go on. Just wish him well, wherever he is, watching over us.

A jolt from heaven

We experienced an earthquake today, here in Delhi. 4.3 on the Richter. Not much you'd say. But it struck at 4.43 am. I think it lasted for hardly 10 seconds, but was enough to shake me up! Let's just say that at that point every worry I ever had just flew out of my mind and the only thing I wanted was to stay alive! At that moment, nothing but life mattered.

I guess it's God's way of nudging us from time to time to remind us to stop and smell the flowers.

His song

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh, you don't have to go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, All those tears I cry ay ay ay ay ay
All those tears I cry oh oh oh oh ay, Baby please don't go.

When I read the letter you wrote me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the words that it told me,It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, Every breath I take oh oh oh oh oh
Every move I make hey hey, Baby please don't go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh,
You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh, Darling please don't go.

When I read the letter you sent me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the news that it brought me, It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
Oh baby, ba-bee bee please please pleaseah ah ah ah ah baby ah ah
I really love you babyoo oo oo oo oo darlin' oooohhhh oh
Oh baby I still love you so, Oh baby I still love you so

ohohoh, ooo, oh oh oh oh oh yeah
(Fire?) ah ah oh ah ah ah oooohhh
(fire?) ah ah ah ah ah, oooooooooooooo
(fire?) Ohhh baby....

You know how it feels when you just come to know one day, that someone you were once close to, is no longer in this world? Someone you lost touch with, rather broke all communication with, is now dead? You know, when you stop talking to someone, you still live in the hope that things may be revived some years down the line. That someday, you might just bump into each other, and old times would be forgotten, and everything would just be ok. But then a truth comes and hits you in the face- he's dead- and you just sit there not knowing what happened.

Hey Rian, or should I call you D'yer Mak'er, or Jason Bourne ...I don't know what would've happened if we were still talking. I don't know what happened to you, how it happened...why it happened. I don't know what were the thoughts that circled your mind as you lay on your death bed. It kills me to think I couldn't speak with you one last time. You went away, as always, without a word. And just a month before your birthday. You always said people didn't love you enough. If only you were around to see this. Gosh... I still don't believe this. I hope this is a lie. Coz if you'd read this, you'll know you touched my life in more than a million ways. And now, it's just shocking to realise you're never coming back.

I hope you get happiness wherever you go. You were a good person, Rian. May God bless you.

In rain's shadow

I gaze outside through the curtain of rain at the thundering grey sky, mesmerized by it’s sheer beauty. I watch as the rain lovingly caresses each and every little thing, soaking them with it’s affection, before it buries itself in the earth. The trees, the flowers, the grass…me. It’s almost as if I can see an expression of happiness all around me.

I wonder why I’m still brooding...

Sunday Smiles

Sundays are usually very boring for me. But today, it was kinda nice. Nothin out of the ordinary, but just plain nice. Went shopping with mom, the planets must have been in perfect alignment coz it was like the best day to shop! Found everything I needed. And was also able to spend quality time with Mum. Had a good heart-to-heart. Just us. :)

Delhi’s weather has been pretty sucky since the whole of last week. But today we got slight thundershowers in the evening. I just looooove the smell of wet earth. Yummy! :P That was another thing that made me smile.

And of course, my darling lil niece dropped in… and anyone will forget their worries lookin at her! She’s just too adorable… the picture of innocence.

Oh and the cherry on the cake was when browsing just now, I discovered that the story I’d pitched to a journalist for my client finally got published! :D That means I can cross one major deadline off my list! Yayyyy!

Tomorrow’s office again… but I’m not dreading it somehow, like every Monday morning. Just hope tomorrow’s as good as today…or even better!

Rainclouds

Nothing excites me more than looking out and seeing rainclouds looming above. It's the greatest feeling to just sit in my room, without a care in the world, and smell the rain outside. The gentle wet breeze caresses my face, sending tingles down my spine. Rain awakens a kind of longing in my heart... just takes me far away, somewhere, where I float over a dreamy horizon. Just love watching the green trees dance with the wind. Like they're just as happy as me! Looking out, through a film of dark clouds, it just changes everything. It all seems so fresh... kinda gives me a feeling of relief... where I just gaze away, and sigh contentedly, thinking it ain't such a bad place after all.

Took this photo with my phone today, while driving back from a movie. Had a lovely Sunday, relaxed. Just the way it's meant to be. Feeling completely at peace :)

Getting down to business

Long hours, loads of work, no social life... that’s how I pictured my life to be after I joined work. Well, I wasn’t entirely wrong. There are long hours, there is a truckload of work everyday, and my social life is now restricted to weekends. But along with all of that, it’s FUN! To wake up and go to work every morning not knowing, when I’ll be let off, but with the certainty of learning something new, something extraordinary each day.

I remember the zillions of butterflies I had in my tummy on my first day of work. My mind was abuzz with innumerable thoughts on how my first day was going to be like. I had to be there on time no matter what. Everything had to be just perfect.

I was ten minutes late.

I remember being stuck in traffic and feeling the tears of frustration welling up in my eyes. I’d so wanted to make a good first impression. But to my relief, when I reached the office, my seniors didn’t say a word and were as warm with me as they were with the others. That’s when I knew, this journey wasn’t going to be as bad as I thought.

After the initial exchange of courtesies and introductions, we were asked to make a presentation on a random topic. In the days that followed, we conducted surveys and a bunch of more presentations along with lectures from our seniors. It was then that it dawned upon me that this place means business… period.

My office is a not a factory. It’s a place to learn, to acquire new skills and to hone the existing ones. In the little time that I’ve spent here, I’ve got to learn a lot. And I don’t mean just PR. Of course, being surrounded by professionals, some of their expertise does rub off on you. I’ve learnt the importance of discipline in life. Doing something at a particular time may sound like a very mundane activity, but it really makes a lot of difference.

Another aspect that I learnt was the significance of building relationships. I’d never given a serious thought to what a valuable role our relations play in our lives. The people we relate to reflect on us. It’s through our relationships that people form an opinion about us. Thus the need to understand people and their requirements is of prime importance in my job.

It’s quite remarkable how in such a short period, I have been able to learn so much. My office seems more like a close-knit family to me, and I feel privileged to be a part of this unit. I know how much they believe in imparting knowledge, and I’m glad to be at the receiving end of it all.

And so...

It’s quite odd how fast 10 months have ended. Was it really just 10? Months? But on reflection, it really was a long time. Or maybe a lot of things happened in this short period. Mumbai really changed my life. It’s the kind of city, that when you try and hug, won’t hug you back. But at least I’m thankful it made a little space for me in its crowded womb.

It’s been a long, harrowing session at college. The days ended so soon, and the nights disappeared into darkness. The only thing constant, was stress. Everyone was always running for something. Everyone was always in a hurry. Everyone only cared about themselves.

I can’t say I’m not sorry to leave this place. Some people show surprise that I didn’t ‘fall in love’ with the place. I couldn’t. I didn’t have the time. Of course there are some parts I’m going to miss. Like coming back late. Making my own decisions. Living on my own conditions. But I still wanted to be back home, after a long day. And Mumbai was not home. No way.

So now that college’s over, it feels good to back home, chilling in my room without a care in the world. I know this feeling probably ain’t gonna last long… but hey, as long as I have my people around me, I think I’m going to be just fine. I’m just glad I realized my priorities, and the importance of having a loving family and supportive friends. I realized how much I love them. And for that, I’m grateful to Mumbai for being the way it is.

Daydream

Is it a bad thing to want to fantasize? I mean, people won’t give you that “are you daft” look when you tell them your fantasies, would they? Or would they simply laugh it off? Oh well, I guess I’d rather leave it to them.

You know what my fantasy is? To turn back time.

I wish I could go back to where romance was still alive and love was present in all it’s glory. Where people conversed in poetry, and they weren’t afraid to dream aloud. Where it was OK to smile at the smallest of things and it was OK to feel happy. When people wished on a shooting star and believed in stories of the Arabian Nights. Where hugging and kissing one another when we met wasn’t considered unsophisticated and embarrassing. Where time lazily took a stroll instead of rushing past us in a frenzy.

Why is that now people don’t have time for each other? Why is it a pain to go see how your folks are doing? Why is materialism gathering more importance than affection? Why are we forgetting to love again, and again?

Naukridotcom

College’s almost over. Just a couple of months to go. The inevitable question- now what?! Probably get a job someplace. And then a series of more troublesome questions follow. So what is it going to be like to work? Do I know what I’m supposed to do? Do I even know what I’m doing? Will my boss like me? Will my co- workers like me? Will I like them?

My mind is like a busy street right now, with thoughts running to and fro like DTC buses. And my heart? Well it’s more like a subway train.

Oh did I mention, I got a job.

Which is why I’m in such a frenzy right now. At first I couldn’t really believe it. Me? Job? I’m just an unemployed student. A student. I can’t work! And earn too?? Are you kidding me?! I still get monthly allowance from Dad. What do you mean I’ll get a salary!? That’s for older people who are professionals with lots of experience. I’m just a kid. A kid who wants to go back home and live with her parents.

Well at least that part’s going to happen for sure.

I’ll be shifting base back to Delhi. Yipeeeee! There’s so much to do, and I feel so unprepared…and dependant. But at least I’ve started out on the path I’d imagined myself to be on. Only this time, it’s not imagination. It’s really happening. And I’m going to face this new life… head on. And smiling :)

Thinking aloud...

So November’s here. Four months gone. Just like that. Six more to go. Sigh… has it really been that long? Or rather…just four months? Feels as if I’ve been on my own forever. Its fun, you know. Paying my rent myself, fixing my own meals, juggling studies…being responsible is something I’m not really used to! But I’m liking it. Sure I miss the pampering…but this is better in a way. This time, when I went back home, I was treated like an adult for once. As an equal. My decisions were respected. They listened to me. I felt so proud. I think it’s the first time I felt I’ve actually ‘grown up’. I’ve learnt to trust myself. Trust my decisions. I know if there’s someone I can rely on here, its just me.

But there’s something I fear. I hope that in this one year, I don’t change for the worse. I don’t become indifferent to others. I mean, it feels as if I’ve seen so much that nothing else can surprise me. I don’t want to be that way. I don’t want that ‘I couldn’t care less’ attitude. That’s not me. I want to break down and cry at times. And sometimes, I want to laugh out loud. I don’t want to lose my power to feel. To love. To care.

I really don’t know what the future holds for me. But whatever it may be…I know I’ll be able to handle it.