Illusions

I Long for Yesterday....

2011-06-24T11:27:00.000+05:30

One of my favorites! Straight from the heart!

The Year of Reunions

2011-06-02T19:12:00.002+05:30

Living up the good old days is always a great idea! This is why I loved it when my BFF suggested to plan a reunion lunch with our graduation classmates - just the Journalism batch girls. Thanks to Facebook, we got in touch with most of our batch mates and were glad to see the responses pouring in. It was just a matter of a few days till we finalized the date and place. Finally when we met up we hugged each other like crazy, typical girls gone berserk! It was amazing to see how much we'd changed and where we'd ended up. Most of us were married, one was expecting - she looked gorgeous btw - and the others were full on career women! It was so great to catch up and talk of the silly things we did in college, updates on professors and stuff. It was hard to believe we were all meeting after 6 years. We could have spent the entire day chit chatting!

This reunion was such a success that I couldn't help but plan out one for my post grad classmates - this time in Mumbai. Got in touch with my batch coordinator at the time and have already started the initial planning. I'm thinking an overnight stay at a beach resort would be superb, provided we're able to book in time. I guess everyone loves the idea of reliving the good times so here also the reactions are crazy! Looking forward to this one now, I'm pretty sure it'll be grand!

ReMiNiScEnCe

2011-04-20T11:03:00.002+05:30

At times, I find myself pondering over days gone by, good times, even bad. God, how much has life changed. I feel ancient! There's a ticking bomb on my head and it feels like there's so much to do, so much I wanted to do with my life, but I keep getting weighed down by, nothing, it seems! Just chores, that never seem to end. Anyway, there are some things that remind me of the life I once had - thought I'd just pen them down:

1) Waiting for the school bus on a foggy, winter morning. Used to walk to the bus stop with Mom, dog in tow.

2) Bunking class.

3) Scribbling my crush's name in the girl's loo.

4) Fell out with my best friend in 8th grade. Found her on Facebook after 12 years.

5) English class.

6) My first computer - Compaq desktop, black. I used to love that bulky old thing.

7) Mom Dad and 3 of us sleeping in one bedroom that had the AC.

8) My brother getting married - to our neighbor. 1st marriage in the family.

9) 1st day of college.

10) Hanging out at Barista with my girl gang.

11) Rikshaw rides.

12) The Metro comes to Delhi!

13) Listening to Backstreet Boys.

14) College trip to Goa. Made friends with cute boys on the train, sneaked alcohol into our hotel room, got drunk on port wine!

15) Farewell party. Vowed never to let go of my friends. Never did :)

16) Off to Mumbai. Was a wreck till I got there!

17) Falling in love.

18) 1st kiss.

19) Having maggi at 3 am

20) 1st job. Hated it.

21) Learning to drive. Still suck at it.

22) Breaking up.

23) Rebound trip to Manali - Mom n me.

24) Getting married. Cried like a baby.

Gosh it could go on. More memories than I can handle. Need a breather. I SO hate days like these!

Confessions of a Shopaholic

2011-02-01T12:41:00.002+05:30

I can totally relate to the film (see: title). Okay maybe my life isn't as dramatic as the protagonist and I don't get chased by credit card companies to pay my bills - but still, I revel in the charisma of shopping - especially if its online.

My work demands me to stay online a lot, and since I work from home, I don't usually take time out to shop on weekdays. Weekends mostly go by visiting friends and family, so technically its not my fault that I'm pushed to the most convenient way of getting what I want!

It first started innocently enough when I was introduced to this new website - more like web store - that offers branded stuff at really discounted prices. Worth a shot, eh?! Innocence soon went down the drain as temptation took over mind, body and soul! From shoes to jewelry, clothes to watches, even decoration pieces for home - it was all there for the taking, and I went on a rampage!

I tried not to notice when the credit card bills came knocking, or how they jumped from a measly 2000 bucks to 5000, then to 7k and recently - 10 grand. The last one was a shocker! "But they're on SALE, its worth it, its a damn good deal", I keep telling myself. The more I try to hold back, the more I'm sucked in. My bank balance is diminishing, my husband has no idea about my obsession and I am still not satisfied with what I buy!

So how do I make myself guilt-free? I refer the website to my friends. Why keep them away from such a steal, right? *evil grin*

Missing my buddy :(

2010-11-18T19:12:00.004+05:30

Well, where should I start? Just had an irresistible urge to blog. Feeling a li'l whimsical. After my 15 day long vacation to Thailand in October (which was just awesome, btw, but I'll save that for another time), I returned to Delhi and got busy playing bridesmaid. My best friend got married last week and I just can't explain the rush of emotions going through me. Initially it was just total chaos, helping her shop, preparing dance sequences for the function, coordinating with our other friends and getting my own stuff in order as well.

We were all so excited, but on the day of her wedding, when I saw her as a beautiful bride, it struck me. This is it, I thought. No more late night calls, no more just dropping in at her place, no more night-stays, no more day long shopping excursions. That's when I realized how she must have felt when I got married. Ever since then, which makes it about a week, I haven't spoken to her, when we used to talk almost every day. And now she's off for her honeymoon, so another week goes. I guess I'm just suddenly missing her so much - my confidante, my aide, my buddy, my partner-in-crime... call her what you may, but she is something special.

I remember, in college we used to have these long sessions of girly talk on so many of our pyjama parties. The five of us, just chatting away. And we used to say we will definitely go for a love marriage, but only she took it really seriously. She always she knew she wanted love and wouldn't settle for a stranger as a husband. I was the first to break the 'pact' and go in for an arranged one. But she, she found the love of her life. And I felt so immensely happy when her dream materialized. She did it, she married the man she loved! And he is really wonderful, with a loving family who accepted her with open arms. I know she is going to be very happy and I feel so proud of her!

I don't know how it will go from here. We're all going in different directions, wherever life takes us. I don't know if we'll be able to be together, but I will be there for her and all my friends! Things change so fast, but I hope some things stay the same! :) Cheers to friendship!

The Hills are the Place to Be!

2010-07-27T11:08:00.007+05:30

I'm back! Actually I was back long before, just didn't get time to blog about it. Had the best 3 days ever! Had a blast on the mini train from Kalka to Summer Hill, with a drizzle now and then, and a beautiful view of the valleys on our way up. Had to request the engine driver to stop at Summer Hill, coz the train doesn't usually stop in between Kalka and Shimla. It was so cute!

The camp people got us picked from Summer Hill and after a 20 minute bumpy ride over the mountain, we were there! It was right in the middle of a forest,

with trails leading to the camping site from

the reception. Potter's Hill is quite cool, though there were hardly any adventurous activities coz of the rain. But man, what a place! They welcomed us with hot 'chai' in earthern cups. Loved the whole 'living in a tent' experience. You had to trek for 20 mins to reach the reception and get something to eat - no room service here! It took our breath away, we lazy city dwellers! It was fun to bathe with ice cold water early in the morning - a rude awakening but kept us active throughout the day! :P

We spent the day trekking around the place most of the time, and towards the evening sat outside on the rustic wooden furniture, with vodka, hot pakoras and clouds for company. It was surreal. A wonderful way to revive the romance, I must say!

We spent just one night as opposed to two at Potters' Hill, as we'd pretty much explored the place by then. We decided to take the bus to Shimla to pay my

grandparents a visit. My husband just LOVES that place. Somehow, he likes the chatter on the Mall road and the Ridge. He becomes this little child, going into every shop and buying some nonsense, just to get the feel! Besides, who would want to stay indoors with weather like that! Next day I took him to visit the Vice Regal Lodge, which was a 5 km walk from the Mall. Its a beautiful place, takes me back to the British era with its typical architecture and wooden interior. There's a small open air cafe there, where we sat n enjoyed the beauty that surrounded us and gorged on Maggi and chai.

I felt my heart sinking when it was time to go. I was dreading the sultry Delhi weather and getting back into routine. I really wish I could be on a perpetual vacation, just hopping from one place to another. A farfetched dream, but a dream nonetheless. And in my experience, dreams do tend to come true!

Weekend getaway

2010-07-14T09:44:00.004+05:30

I'm completing two years of marriage this Sunday (still can't believe it!) and so have planned on a little weekend getaway with hubby. Really really itching to get out of Delhi and escape the drab, humid weather...ugh! We're going to Camp Potters' Hill in Himachal, just a few miles before Shimla. Looks interesting with its Swiss tents, tree houses, nature walks and bonfires, all in the lap of nature. Two nights and three days of pure bliss!

Will update when I'm back!

Timeless

2010-06-17T11:16:00.004+05:30

Life rushes by

In a blink of an eye

The clock won't stop

And neither will I

No matter the ache

Or people who fake

Promises and smiles

I will not break

Fury and fire

May burn my spire

My body may burn

My soul won't tire

For I am the light

So pure and white

Beyond mortality

Flaring the night

And as times fly

or days go by

My dreams will live

and hope won't die

Frustration Personified

2010-05-04T10:57:00.004+05:30

The damn internet connection refuses to work, making me completely paralyzed and bringing all my work to a standstill. Which finally leaves me no choice but to return to blogging. Serves me right, I guess, for ignoring it for so long.

At my folks' place presently, trying to get some respite from the no-net frustration at home. Anyway, forget it, it's too nerve wracking!

Delhi's scorching these days with no sign of improvement. Feel like taking a vacation but that's not possible till July, for hubby. Been a while since I met my friends too. Life's never been so dull for me, I swear! The past feels like a dream, when we all were together, almost all the time. And now, we're all running in separate directions, chasing things, people...chasing time. Of course, we miss our older selves, but somehow time's too much of a constraint to catch up now. God, that is just so sad, ain't it? Funny how we dance to the tunes of life.

My mind feels numb... I need a change bigtime, before I go nuts.

Any ideas?

The Magic of Classics

2009-10-14T14:17:00.003+05:30

Finally! Some time away from the mundane life that I have! These days I'm being introduced to the word 'stress' in a big way. It's physical torture to sit in one place and stare at the computer! But there's something that works as a great stress buster for me and gives immediate relaxation: music! I'm waking up to the charm of old Hindi songs recently. I'm truly amazed at their simplicity.

Listening to these songs is such a beautiful reminder of a world that once was. The intricate way they describe emotions... feels so fragile and so pure. There are a hundred ways of saying the same things - love with shokhiyon me ghola jaye, grief with tujhse naraaz nahi zindagi, joy with pancchi banoo, nostalgia with najaane kyu or plain madness with junglee - each a beautiful, modest expression in itself. Just makes me feel so relieved and truly relaxed.

Guess it's true for every simple thing we come across. We're so busy trying to make our lives better, that we forget to appreciate the goodness of being natural. I know that sounds cliched but its true all the same. Just stop and think for a moment, that in this mad race where are we all headed, and what is it that we're looking for?

Now playing: Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai :)

Tohtally random

2009-09-22T18:34:00.001+05:30

Finally, got some time to blog. Even working from home doesn't leave me with too much time. In between, I got so many thoughts that I wanted to write about but somehow couldn't pen down any. And now I remember none! How awful! :(

Well, I'd rather chit chat then, about the latest goings-on in my life.

Celebrated my birthday last Monday (14th Sept.) Gosh, 24 feels old!

Got hubby to join facebook and now he's addicted. Silly me!

Work's hectic. Have taken a work from home editing assignment with HT, that keeps glued to my seat for 5 hours, besides the other content development work. And what's worse, I don't get offs on Id, Dushera, Gandhi Jayanti...yada, yada. Actually, its not so bad, but it pinches me because hubby gets all the long weekends and I don't! Hmph!

Ma Pa completed 40 years of their marriage yesterday. Wow, that does feel like a long time. Wonder if I'll be able to make it so far! :P

Last 2 weeks have been full of going to visit relatives - most of them sick. Gosh, there were like 5 peole who were in hospital. I really hate hospitals, they give me the creeps.

Shopping always lifts my mood. Bought a new saree the other day. It's red, chiffon, and damn sexy!! Can't wait to wear it! :)

Oh, and I got a new phone! Finallyyyyy. Actually its a gift from hubby. Needless to say, I luuuurve it! :D

Rahul Mahajan is doing a Rakhi Sawant - except its a 'swayam-vadhu'. This is just one of those moments when I roll my eyes, give an exasperated sigh and say: ewwwww!

That's about all that happened. Nothing eventful. Will hopefully update soon. ;)

XOXO

Good idea!

2009-08-20T14:14:00.002+05:30

India is a land of opportunities! I thought otherwise, till very recently, when I started working from home. I didn't realize web writing was such a lucrative option. It's simple, it's easily accessible and there's always work to do! And I guess I'm good at it too, with my list of clients growing! I'm thinking of turning my freelance jobs into a business... I think I will be able to manage it just fine. Let's see how things shape up! :)

I'll be a businesswoman :D!!

Shame on me!

2009-08-10T10:22:00.001+05:30

Sometimes I can be so stubborn, it makes me sick! If someone else were me, I'd slap her! I don't know why there are some things that I just don't do!!

I've been learning to drive since I was in class 12, that was like 6-7 years back. I've been to two driving schools, and I have a valid driver's license. But I just can't drive!!! Everytime I try, everytime I sit on the wheel, it feels as if the car is out to get me! My legs shake, my knuckles turn white and my heart beats faster than a subway train! And if someone tells me to reverse, I experience a nervous breakdown!

God knows when will I gain confidence on the wheel!! It's really a shame!!

Being the change

2009-08-04T10:03:00.003+05:30

Disclaimer: This post just happens to coincide with the approaching Independance Day!

We are a great nation. We've got it all - the government, the democracy, the infrastructure, the public. The only thing is - they don't run. We don't make it run. But that's not the point. The point is, do we even want it to run?

We, as the general public are not happy. We crib about everything - no water, no electricity, our maids are charging more, the police department is corrupt, there's so much red-tapism in politics, petrol prices are going up, this isn't right, that's all wrong, yada yada yada. But we, ourselves make full use of these 'discrepencies' to our advantage. We bribe the cop when we're caught speeding, we keep 2 maids to run the house for us, almost every household can afford a driver, having contacts in government agencies helps us get our work done faster, we enjoy the holiday on voting day but don't vote... the list is endless. We talk about Westernizing the nation, but the point is you think we Indians can really shed our lazy, callous habits and live a life of discipline?

Before we start blaming the system for everything that goes wrong, we need to stop ourselves from choosing the easy way out everytime. In my opinion, it is a two-way road. We can't wait for them to change us. It's time we stopped being reactive, and be proactive. That's when we'll be able to call India a great nation in the true sense.

The next chapter

2009-07-30T10:10:00.004+05:30

Like most of you predicted, I wasn't able to stay away too long! So here I am, beginning a new post, a new chapter of the second act of life. I hope I last this one out.

I celebrated my 1st wedding anniversary on July 18. Can you believe it has already been a whole year? I can't. It's as if it were only yesterday that I was getting jitters about marriage. Though time has zoomed by, it has left some very major impressions on my life. You see, married life is not the blissful journey I thought it to be, rather, wished it to be. It isn't bad, but it makes you grow up real fast, whether you like it or not.

Soon after the honeymoon, hubby and I were staying together, but not with my in-laws. Boy, what chaos! I didn't know the first thing about running a home! It was literally madness in the first couple of months - I couldn't cook so that added to the mess. Somehow, with help from my mum-in-law and mom, I got things going. But the loneliness killed me. I wasn't working at the time, so the empty walls of the house bored me to death.

During this time, my father-in-law's (Dad) health deteriorated. He was diagnosed with stomach cancer and his condition showed no sign of improvement. That is when we took a call to move back in with my in-laws. It turned out to be a life saver for me. Not only has it helped me learn the ropes, but has also given me a chance to get to know everyone better. There were times when I had to be at the hospital with Dad for hours. Cancer has a knack of taking a toll on everyone's lives. It sure did on me, because I felt connected to this new family, shared their sorrow as if it were my own.

Dad passed away in March this year. The house is suddenly quiet, devoid of any real joy. My happy-go-lucky mum-in-law puts up a brave face, but I know she misses him the most. I can't even imagine what hubby went through...he's without a father now. The thought itself makes me feel like something's died inside me. But the best thing about all this was that we were united in our grief.

Things have somewhat gone back to normal. I've quit my job and have started freelancing from home. This way I get to be with mum-in-law more often. When I look back at this one year, I realize it has changed me. I am no longer the dreamy-eyed girl I once was, but a more practical individual now. I'm still wishful at times, but try and remain grounded. I wonder what the years to come will bring in, but I know now, for cerain, that I won't be beaten.

Au Revoir

2008-09-20T01:15:00.000+05:30

Hi folks! I'm back, and all married by now! Gosh that does feel strange! Had a blast on the wedding, and an even more amazing honeymoon! Oh btw, we decided to do Uttarakhand: Corbett, Ranikhet, Kausani, Binsar and Nainital. Mindblowing natural beauty. Binsar was my favorite, coz it wasn't like a typical honeymoon destination at all. It was in a resort right inside the forest, and we didnt have a 5 star luxury suite, but a treehouse cottage! The 13 km forest trek was the cherry on top! I never imagined i could find such serenity, so close to home. The other places were just as beautiful and romantic. And thank goodness, it wasn't raining. In fact, the weather was slightly chilly... just the way I like it! Had the best time ever, and I love my hubby for that! :)

Anyway, coming to point, I'm abandoning lifeheadon. After a month of being married, and living by yourself, I've realized it's not exactly cakewalk. There are suddenly less hours in a day and lots to be done. And trust me, it's an eye-opener for someone like me, who doesn't know the first thing about running a home! So my blog is one of the many things I will have to give up, also because I won't be able to do justice to it. Just wanna say it's been a wonderful experience being here, and whaddyuknow I might just decide to come back later, with more grown up posts maybe! :) Will miss you all, and of course my email ID is on my profile, so anyone of my blogger buddies can just drop in a mail, if you miss me too! ;) Take care you guys... love you all! Mwah!

Honeymoon Woes

2008-06-11T01:01:00.000+05:30

Finally got time to pen down something! Whew!

Weddings are crazy. Seriously folks, the single ones and the ones in the process of tying the knot, always go for a court marriage, if you want to remain sane till the D-day. There's just so much to plan! Right from finding the right dates, to arranging for the venue, to making the guest list, to deciding what to put on the cards, to shopping, to packing, to deciding for the honeymoon... ah yes, that one still needs to be done. Aaargh!

This is probably the first time in my entire 22 years of existence, that I'm cursing the monsoons. I, rain-lover, don't want it to rain. That's because in the month of July, it's raining everywhere!!

Honeymoon planning isn't as easy as we thought it would be. Sure it's easy to say, hey go to Europe, or the States, or Scandinavia... but because both my fiance and I have a time constraint, we decided we don't want to waste half the day in traveling. so all of the above is ruled out, including Australia.

China... you must be kidding. Pakistan, Afghanistan, all the other 'stans'... maybe one day, but not for a honeymoon. Egypt, Dubai and other Middle Eastern places... too hot. Africa... um, no thank you.

That left us with Mauritius, Bhutan, Indonesia, Singapore, Maldives, Phillipines and the like. Oh did I mention, that it's gonna be RAINING?!

So, dejected, we come back to Mera Bhaarat Mahaan. Rajasthan... too hot and too boring. Maharashtra... nope. Gujrat... too hot. Kerala... RAINS! Darjeeling, Sikkim...very appealing, but rains again, and there's some political unrest there I believe. Coming to North India, Leh sounded great, but I don't know whether it's the best place for a honeymoon. Kashmir, again very appealing, but alas, unsafe. I don't want a 'Roja' happening. Himachal, I've practically lived there all my life, so no point going there. And Uttaranchal, umm, not exactly WOW, although the Ananda Spa did catch our attention. We also thought of Coorg and Kodaikanal, but my fiance's been there and seen all.

So now, I'm so frustrated that I've told him to do what he wants, and surprise me.

High hopes... sigh!

I love Delhi today!

2008-05-22T21:10:00.000+05:30

It's awesome, awesome, AWESOME weather here! Everyone knows how much I love the rains, and this time it's pouring so much! And it's May! Yipeee! I hope this continues till July! ;) I so love my city these days, all green and wet and great-smelling! Sighhh

The Bride

2008-04-28T06:43:00.000+05:30

She tips her face elegantly
And dusts her cheeks with pink
Widens her eyes, fluttering lashes
Darkening them with kohl
She then puckers her lips
And paints them a deep red
Her neck, ears and forehead
Laden with jewels
The subtle scent of henna
Floating through the air
The melody of her bangles echoes
As she slips them on
Her dress sparkles in the bright yellow lights
Like diamonds in the rough
The watery music of her trinkets reverberates
As she takes slow, uncertain steps
Downcast eyes,
Bearing a demure look
Taking on the beauty of the night
She reflects an eternal glow
All eyes on her,
Greeting her with smiles
The girl that she once was
Has turned into a woman
They now call her: The Bride

Mixed Emotions

2008-04-01T23:34:00.000+05:30

This past month has rushed by, without me getting to know it. Just flew by. Life suddenly feels like a roller coaster ride- exciting, yet intimidating. Seen and felt so much… just hope the happiness encircling me now lasts forever.

In a matter of less than 31 days, I juggled so many roles, all at once. I now belong to two families, instead of one. And I fell in love, all over again. Gosh, it really did happen real fast. My heart skips a beat when I think of the uncertainty that lies before me. But I’m also getting the “butterflies-in-my-stomach” feeling that one gets before stepping into something new and exciting. A barrel of mixed emotions… that’s how I’d define the last few days.

Hope the future is as fulfilling as the present.

One fine day…

2008-03-10T00:12:00.000+05:30

There are times when life gives you surprises. Big ones. This is one of them.

In my 22 years, I have seen several ups and downs, in terms of my career, friendships, relationships and life, in general. I thought, I had more or less experienced every phase of life, and could deal with just about anything that came my way. I was wrong.

It was an ordinary, boring Tuesday, and I was just lazing around. Mum returned from one of her get-togethers and shook me out of my daydream. “Wake up! I have news for you!” She proceeded to tell me there’s a ‘rishta’ that’s come for me, and what a great guy he is, and his family is even nicer, yada yada. I ignored most of it, and lashed out at her when it started to get annoying.

The rest of my family gathered together for a “meeting” in the evening, and ripped apart, the profile of the guy. After about 45 mins of discussion, they declared him, “the perfect guy”. The next thing I knew, my profile and pictures were emailed to the family, and phones were ringing off the hook. What followed was a whole week of frustration, screaming, shouting and lots of tears.

The same week, on Saturday, his parents came to meet me. I was cordial. Everything went ‘well’, and they decided to call the boy to Delhi for a meeting. The whole of next week went by, as if in a moment. At first, when I met him, I thought he was this really knowledgeable, intelligent, mature, worldly-wise individual. But when we actually got talking, I realized there really was a fun side to him, and he allayed my fears of “our mental wavelength” not matching. Though I’ve met him only twice, I can’t deny the fact, that I did like him. He has this ‘genuineness’ about him that is truly unique. Now of course I can’t testify for everything, but for a first meeting, he made a pretty good impression.

So, the surprise part is that I am getting married. Today is the betrothal ceremony. I still can’t believe it, as it’s all happened so fast. And on top of that, it’s an arranged marriage. The wedding, of course will happen much later. But then again, I can’t say, with the way things are going. I just hope, I’ve made the right decision. Through all this, I’ve learnt one thing: if something has to happen, it will. And that everything is OK in the end.

99 Problems

2008-03-04T11:13:00.001+05:30

Oh god, the times couldn’t be worse. My head’s exploding with all the stress…and guess what, it’s not work-related. I didn’t know, being at home could be more taxing! And to top it all, one of my best friends isn’t talking to me. It’s amazing how one stupid joke can make someone so ‘judgmental’ about you. They start pointing fingers at your friendship. Wow. That feels nice, doesn’t it? It really hurts, though… really does. Hard to fight tears, but hey, what the heck, life sure is a bitch.

I know I’ve given the title as 99 problems, but there aren’t as many. Although it just feels that way. I just can’t stand mess, and today when I got back from work, my whole room was topsy turvey. Just kinda lost it, and screamed at my folks. I know I’m wrong, but am too stubborn to apologize. Bah!

There are other things on my mind, that I can’t really disclose at the moment. But they sure are making me lose sleep. The thought of thinking about what’s going to happen is freaking me out. Thank God I’m not coming back home tomorrow. Maybe I’ll find some solace with my friends. Sighh…

It's all fake

2008-02-12T11:19:00.000+05:30

Caution: Controversial post ahead. Nor recommended for people with weak hearts. Really.

The other day while having breakfast, Mum had switched on to one of those zillion ‘spiritual’ channels on TV, where some very “wise” person was ‘imparting wisdom’. I couldn’t help overhearing what she was saying. The gist of what she was preaching was something like, Christians do this, Muslims do that, but us Hindus- we are supreme, we try and bring the world together…in short, we are God’s gift to mankind. I smirked, and told my mom to stop watching that crap. Of course she disagreed with me. What are mothers for, after all?!

Anyway, I thought about that TV programme on my way to work. I thought to myself, ‘how can they allow such a thing to be aired on national TV?’ The woman was clearly instigating religious differences. She was droning about Hindus as if we were the best thing to have happened to the world, and the others were all trash! It’s not like I’m against any God, I know we’re free to practice any religion of our choice. But what irks me is why they try to compete with each other in the name of religion. Are they so insecure about their foundation, that they have to judge their ‘success’ by the number of followers they have? We all know we’re not saints. What good is a man who prays every morning, and beats his wife every night? He just lives in the illusionary world he’s created for himself, about being good and benevolent. Every time he commits a sin, he validates it by telling himself, it’s in the name of God. I’m a good man. This is not a sin at all!

You want to know what we ‘Hindus’ actually do? Well, we’re a bunch of hypocrites who stab each other in the back, the first chance we get. We rape our women, burn them, even, and treat them like dirt most of the time. We fight with our family members over frivolous, materialistic things, and we do not hesitate to murder each other if we get the opportunity. We use expletives after every second word when we talk and think it to be the most natural thing in the world. We cheat. We steal. We hate. We conspire. We kill.

Ring a bell? The funny thing about this is, you’ll find these kinds of people everywhere. In every religion. I guess there isn’t so much difference between us after all. So why do we want to create disparities, when none exist?

Disclaimer: It’s not like I’m against any religion. I’m not. And I’m not even an atheist. It’s just sad to see how we have made it a discipline that is imposed on people instead of a way of reaching God. We’ve segregated ourselves into so many communities, it’s almost like there are breeding records for animals.

Shy's Musical Tag

2008-02-01T11:17:00.000+05:30

Taking up Shy's tag after a long time. This was kinda interesting since it involved music! All you gotta do is put your media player in the shuffle mode and every new song becomes the answer to the questions below. No cheating people, you might get some really funny answers, but some songs would be so apt, you'd be surprised! So here goes:

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
Vindicated- Dashboard Confessional, OST Spiderman 2... (er didn't make too much sense!)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Aicha- Outlandish (hmm....sure)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Baatein kuchh ankahee si- Life in a Metro (ankahee si...no no)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Here without you- 3 Doors down (Yea well, that wasn't so hard to figure out)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Life for rent- Dido (hey this sounds right)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Now and forever- Richard Marx (

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Bend the world- Thermal and a quarter (That's what they keep telling me though)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Wake up call- Prodigy (To get one from them)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Killing me Softly- Hugh Grant (the song or Hugh Grant!)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Roshni Se- Asoka (???)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Awaken- Them clones (ah yes, awakening)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I want to break free-Queen (Heeeheee)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Shaam- Water (Aw that's too sad)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Almost a whisper- Yanni (hmmm.....gotta experience this)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Saawariya (Oh come on)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Said I loved you but I lied- Michael Bolton (*Evil grin*)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Your love alone is not enough- Manic Street Preachers (Really? Awwww)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
This love is taking it’s toll on me (Doesn't quite go, does it)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Hotride- Prodigy (oooh)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Of Wolf and Man- Metallica (They're animals for sure!)

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Meray Log- Noori (Yesh!)

Whew! So that's that! Now Milo, Divinity, TripleSix, Rohit, Annie, Ashu, John F....actually anyone who's got the time and who can be a sport can go do this tag! Have fun folks!

The Ugly Duckling

2008-01-09T13:37:00.000+05:30

I’m not made for this world
It doesn’t let me dream

I can’t spread my wings here
Someone keeps cutting them off

I want to fall in love
But all I get is a bottomless pit

I take people on face value
Only to find a knife stuck in my back

I say what’s on my mind
And still get misunderstood

I want life to go slow, so I can savor every moment
But time just keeps slipping out of reach

I can’t taste the water
All I taste are the tears

A rocky past, an uncertain future
And a present that feels like a curse

I’m not made for this world
It doesn’t let me be

The Business of Emotions

2008-01-04T10:53:00.000+05:30

If you live in New Delhi, you must be aware of the beggar menace here. They’re just about everywhere, but I feel their most common haunt are the traffic signals. However, the interesting thing to note here is that these beggars don’t just “beg”. They sell. And how!

It’s always amazed me to see how creative these people are. Traffic Signals are actually very good business playgrounds for these people. The innovation they bring in every single day is really mind boggling. From books to newspapers, from balloons to dusters, from paintings to idols, you get everything on the streets. Some of them are even pretty good gymnasts and perform flawlessly on footpaths. If it’s Christmas, they’ll sell Santa caps. If it’s Saturday, they come with a donation can in the name of Lord Shiva. If it’s Valentine’s Day, they sell just about everything from flowers to perfumes to all sorts of gifts. What I think was absolutely the last straw was when I came out from a movie hall after watching Taare Zameen Par, I was greeted by kid beggars carrying drawings that apparently they had ‘made’ themselves. You’ll know how this is relevant if you’ve seen the film, which talks about a dyslexic child who is a gifted artist. But anyway, the point is these guys play on our emotions so well, we almost miss it.

It’s not like they’re handicapped. If only they would put their creative skills to better use... I seriously believe they would make excellent marketing managers. It’s just sad to see all that energy go waste. I don’t pity them. Because they are capable of doing a lot more to sustain themselves.

Wild Weekend!

2007-12-31T08:35:00.000+05:30

My Christmas weekend was just awesome. My friends and I had taken a short trip to Jim Corbett National Park, in Uttaranchal. Waking up at 4 am for the cab ride was a pain, but once we all were together, time just flew. Within 5 hours we were at our resort- the Corbett Nature Resort. I have to admit I had some inhibitions about the place when I’d first heard of it, but when I got there I felt as if I’ve drifted into a dream. With the jungle in our front yard, and River Kosi in our backyard, what more could we ask for! We’d booked 3 cottages between the six of us, and they were exactly like the cute little huts that we used to draw when we were kids; complete with the tiny window, door and hay roof. It was simply adorable!

My friends and I have a bad habit of being laidback. And so as usual we hadn’t booked a safari for ourselves. After taking a power nap, we went to the booking office only to know that all jeeps and elephants were booked. We moped around, feeling awfully dejected, when two of my friends decided to try again. They went back to the officer and ever so sweetly told him, “bachhe hain sir, kitni umeedon ke saath aye hain, please try to kijiye na”. I don’t know what came over that man, but the next minute he was signing the permit for a FULL DAY jeep safari! We were absolutely ecstatic!!

We spent the rest of the day exploring the riverside, behind our resort. The surroundings were breathtaking. Just across the river, was the forest and we could see the outline of mountain peaks over the horizon. The water was somewhat shallow and we decided we would definitely try and cross the river before leaving. Watching the sun set gave us a feeling I can’t even begin to describe. Complete and utter peace!

Next morning, me and my lazy friends somehow made it in time to the gate of the park and after renting a pair of binoculars and a seemingly good guide (or so it seemed) we set off to explore the jungle. We really wanted to see a tiger and kept mum for the initial hour, craning our necks in anticipation. We did get a few “leads”and "calls"- like paw prints, or the guy on the elephant “directing” us to the tiger, or deer shooting "warnings" to each other. But no luck. We managed to spot three types of deer and a couple of wild elephants, and of course lots of ‘langurs’ but that’s it. What irked us was that surprisingly every single tourist who’d gone inside that day saw a tiger. We sulked like anything when they showed us pictures and videos they’d taken of the tiger. Just our bad luck I guess. On our way out we told ourselves that the tiger obviously suffered from an inferiority complex compared to us! *Chuckle*

That night we lit a bonfire and soaked in the warmth while watching the surroundings bathed in moonlight. Afterwards, we slept like logs coz the bumpy forest road had given us a severe backache. Next morning we got up early to keep our word of crossing the river. We found a shallow spot to cross, and the minute we dipped our feet in we screamed. The water was freezing! Not giving in, we tread on, making a human chain against the fast current. Our feet hurt as we stepped over the slippery pebbles and became numb with cold. We made it halfway and then I couldn’t go on. Four of my friends were daring enough to continue while a friend and I sat on a large rock in the river. I envied their enthusiasm as they made it to the other side and back! But it surely was some experience!

We quickly changed into dry clothes and hurried towards the cab. We didn’t want to leave, as always, but had no choice but to jump in. Most of the road trip was spent in “trying to sleep” and listening to our favorite tracks. Though I’d been to Corbett before, this time was a lot more memorable. I guess a place has something new to offer every time you visit. Hope the new year brings more fun times with it.

Another end

2007-12-14T06:29:00.000+05:30

A lot of things ended for me this year. In terms of studies, career, relationships and people. First I left Mumbai after college got over, and along with it some close friends. Then my relationship ended. My job followed suit. And along the way, a lot of my loved ones passed away too.

The most recent death was of my sister-in-law’s father. When mom broke the news to me, I did not believe it. He wasn’t old, he wasn’t unwell, he wasn’t an alcoholic or a smoker- he quietly went about doing his daily tasks… then how could he just…go? I didn’t believe the news until I saw him- lying lifeless. The man who was so full of life, was now, just lying on the floor. They say he had a massive heart attack- probably didn’t feel it. How the hell can he not feel it?? If only someone was there with him, if only he wasn’t alone, maybe he’d still be here with us, cheerful and happy

I remember the way he used to greet me- “Hello, my dear! How are you?”- not like some people who just say things and don’t mean it. He meant everything he said. This happy-go-lucky kind of guy, who lives- lived- for the moment is no longer here. I was afraid how my niece would take it, but even though she cried a bit for her grandpa, she was calm after a while. I guess that’s how he wanted us to be… to continue with our lives, without missing him too much.

***

Crematoriums, I thought, would be all the more depressing. But strangely, I found it peaceful. To see him go like that, I thought, he’s finally at peace. Maybe now he’s truly free. Although we all miss him terribly and it’s going to be long before we get used to living without him, we know life will go on. Just wish him well, wherever he is, watching over us.

Chapter Two

2007-12-10T07:14:00.000+05:30

My first two weeks at my new workplace have been pretty decent. In fact, they were better than I expected. My first day, my colleagues- now my friends- went out of their way to make me feel at ease. They came to me and introduced themselves, showed a keen interest in me and my background…the works. It’s a small office, since they’ve just completed a quarter here in India and we are only about 16-17 employees in all.

Then I was told that we had an office outing planned that weekend. Our boss was going back to the States and we needed to sort of give him a farewell. My colleagues had planned to take him to Akshardham temple and then for dinner at TGIF. They also had prepared a li’l skit for him on “teamwork”. Now since it was too late to give me a part, I played the narrator.

Akshardham was fun. Hadn’t been there before so I was completely floored by it’s beauty. The intricate carving on the pink stone and marble walls was simply magnificent. And the place was huge. It didn’t feel like anywhere near Delhi, or India for that matter, coz it was spotlessly clean! And it looked even more gorgeous by night. And by the expression on my boss’s face, I could make out he was feeling pretty much the same way!

Around 6:30 pm we started back for Connaught Place, to TGIF. We were all starving and couldn’t wait to dig in. There was a 20 minute wait outside the restaurant, so we literally barged in when our turn came. We were about 11 of us, and trust me we all, including the biggies, stuffed ourselves till we couldn’t eat another bite. Drinks freely flowed and everyone was in a jovial mood. I felt as part of the group, not at all as a 5-day old employee.

Let’s hope the rest of the journey is as enjoyable. Keeping my fingers crossed!

A jolt from heaven

2007-11-27T12:13:00.000+05:30

We experienced an earthquake today, here in Delhi. 4.3 on the Richter. Not much you'd say. But it struck at 4.43 am. I think it lasted for hardly 10 seconds, but was enough to shake me up! Let's just say that at that point every worry I ever had just flew out of my mind and the only thing I wanted was to stay alive! At that moment, nothing but life mattered.

I guess it's God's way of nudging us from time to time to remind us to stop and smell the flowers.

Weekend update

2007-11-26T06:28:00.000+05:30

It's been a fun week. I thought I would make the best of it since this was technically my last 'holiday week'. Will be joining my new office from tomorrow and though I'm really looking forward to it, I can't help but feel a li'l sorry about not being able to laze around now :P. Been about a month, wow that's really long. Sigh!

I saw Goal this Friday. It's an okish film...could have been done better. Bipasha was a complete blonde, Arshad Warsi was practically wasted and I have no idea why there was a 'Billo Rani' who kept sucking on her own lips like a nympho. The good point- obviously- was John. He is THE only reason to go and watch the film. And maybe, Boman Irani. It can be a disappointment for people who're gonna watch it for the love of the game. Na-ah.

Saturday night was fun. Had dinner at A's place. Pretty chilled out. Except for one little big thing. A fight. Between friends. Blown out of proportion probably because of an overdose of alcohol. Hmmm... my two best friends, arguing with each other. It's not the fight that bothers me. It's the lack of understanding between them. Worsened now, by the lack of communication. What ya... :(

Anyway, I know either of them will come to their senses soon. At least I hope so. At this moment, my recently-turned-bald 1 yr old neice is sleeping soundly next to me, making the most adorable faces. Makes me wanna curl up too...yaaawwn. Will write soon about my 1st week at the new workplace. Cheers folks!

I love my friends!!

2007-11-17T09:23:00.000+05:30

You know, whenever I think of my happiest times, I only picture myself with my friends. Even if I'm at the most boring place ever, I can only remember how much fun my friends made it for me. I don't have a vast group of friends, I'm closest to only a handful. And I love each one of them! Let me now introduce you to the people who mean the world to me:

Milo: Hmm...I don't understand why people spend a bomb on "soul-searching". I do that everyday with my best friend! This girl knows me so well, probably better than I know myself. I can talk to her about ANYTHING at all, at ANY time of the day or night. And she'll patiently hear me out and give me the best advice she can offer. Sooo many times I've cribbed to her (these days that's my fav pastime) about the most insignificant things. She's scolded me, cried with me, laughed with me. We haven't fought yet (touchwood) maybe because we both know we can't live without talking to each other. Right now also, she's pinging me to go shopping with her! But really it's so great to have someone who understands you so well. I don't have to say a thing and she knows what's going on in my mind!

Nika: Niks! My atom bomb! Hehe! Unpredictable is the word for her. Niks is like my mom and my daughter- combined. Sometimes she behaves like an annoying teenager and other times she takes care of me like my mommy would- tucking me in et al. She and I share a different chemistry altogether. She's always full of ideas of something to do all the time. Be it watching films or discussing books, or playing scrabble. This one will not let me sit idle! I'm like an agony aunt for her- always giving her advice. But I can't imagine my life without her. She's just there...always. :)

Netra: Walky-talky Cartoon Network! She's so animated all the time! Netz has been there for me when I needed a friend real bad. She's a lil brash at times, says exactly what's on her mind. Fights like she's gna kill u, and loves like she's never gonna let go. She's lifted my mood in a less than a minute with her crazy cartoon-like behavior! She may sound like a very bindaas woman, but gets very serious when she has to. And makes me see sense when I'm being stupid! Netziee is also my style guru, coz somehow she just knows what will look best on me! Really luv her for being there for me when I need her.

Mehul: He has got to be the most patient guy on Planet Earth. The way he listens to my constant bickering...it's amazing! He's like my love guru...always getting me back on track when I stray back into my past. Sometimes coaxing, sometimes with a very bad scolding! He's been so very helpful during my worst times, always cheering me up with his silly jokes! I can trust him to spring up from anywhere, anytime just to make sure I'm doing OK. Thank God he's around or I'd have been pretty lost!

Tina: My mommy!! Hehe...she practically took me "under her cover" when I was in Mumbai. Our shopping excursions used to defy time and we used to hang out together so much, it's not funny. Now I haven't seen her in about 7 months, since I shifted back to delhi and our "meetings" are restricted to GTalk and telephone conversations. Miss her company so much!

Bhajji: She's small but don't let her size fool you! She's fierce when it comes to defending her friends. She's always always supported whatever I do. She's shown her concern in more ways than one. Even if she's super busy (which she is these days) she'll somehow make time and come and catch up. Just her unconditional and sincere love is enough to make you feel special!

Bhargav: He's one of my best buddies, but would you believe if I tell you I haven't seen him in a whole year? And I think we've spoken for precisely 3 times during this time. That's coz he's a shippie and is on sail almost all the time. He's lives at the other end of the country but still manages to keep in touch (with some effort from my end too of course). He's a complete joker and most of the time we have less conversations and more arguments. Waiting for him to get back so I can bug him again!

Well that's about it. These are the people who rule my life. And I'm ever so thankful for them to have them with me. I don't think I'd be complete without them. Thanks guys, I love you all! *Hugs*

Why arranged marriage is best for me

2007-11-11T10:18:00.000+05:30

Yea so I’m talking about marriage. I mean it’s not exactly me talking, but I’m forced to think about it. After all I am 22 years of age, “ripe and ready” for my relatives to start talking and my family to start looking.

So yea, coming back to the title of the post: why arranged marriage is best suited for me. Well there are a number of reasons. I’ve given this a lot of thought (since these days, I haven’t got much to do) and have arrived at this conclusion.

1) Men are beyond me. If commitment is what they want from a girl and if that’s what they get, they outgrow it. They slowly start wanting to have security, then maturity, then cooking skills, then understanding, then patience, then space and eventually, they want to be left alone. Too complicated.

2) Kisi ne sahi kaha tha. Kalyug aa gaya hai. It’s impossible to find a guy who will (forgive me for being wishful and orthodox) love you for who you are and not the body you have. Seriously guys, there IS more to love than making out the whole time. I thought I’d found Mr. Right but apparently it was all wrong. So again, too complicated.

3) I have this funda in life: I can’t just be with someone I barely know, just for the heck of being with him. I have to be friends with the guy for an eternity, know him in and out, develop feelings for him (non forcibly), fall in love, think about the future and then step into a relationship. And that’s going to take a LOT of time and effort, and frankly I don’t have faith in my own decisions now, and neither do I have the patience.

4) If, for instance, the guy I end up marrying is a moron, guess what? It’s not my fault! I can easily nag my folks and tell ‘em “hey you found him, not me”! So life would be somewhat simpler, with lesser things to feel guilty about.

Besides, come on, they’re my parents. They would want me to be happy. How wrong can they possibly be in finding the right match for me? And there are so many people out there who are pretty happy with each other. And love’s only been reduced to a myth, or rather, an unattainable treasure. Only the lucky ones get to experience it. I’ve been lucky, just not lucky enough. And that’s OK.

Oh by the way, it’s not like I’m getting married right now. I still have a considerable amount of time. And honestly, I don’t even think I’m ready for this thing. This was just thinking aloud- sorry, forced to think. Aloud.

What a week!

2007-10-30T12:02:00.000+05:30

Took an unexpected break last week, went to Manali and Shimla. Had to suffer a number of glitches, but had a great time despite all that.

I visited Manali when I was around four years old, so I hardly remembered any of it this time. My companions were my mum and my two massis. We got off to a bad start at the airport itself. The thing is, we’d booked our tickets to Kulu on the Kingfisher website, and by default landed on the terminal for Kingfisher. We were queued up to get our boarding passes at about 8:10 am when the kind lady at the counter told us we have Deccan tickets. That’s coz of the merger between the two airlines, yada yada but nothing was mentioned on the damned website. And now the big problem was that Deccan was on a different terminal and we had about 25 mins to get our boarding passes, get the security check done and board the flight. We were like three damsels in distress. Thankfully the Kingfisher ground staff coordinated with the Deccan guys and rushed us to the other terminal and we caught our flight 5 mins before takeoff. Whew!

We reached Kulu in a little over an hour’s time. We had practically the whole day to ourselves so we took a taxi and went to Manikaran, about 2 hours from Kulu. The weather was warm and comfortable and the long drive felt refreshing. Manikaran is really an awesome place. It’s amazing to see this naturally hot cave, where we just sat and sort of took a sauna. Then we saw a natural hot spring. The water was boiling hot and these guys were actually cooking rice in it. I was amazed. We visited the temple and Gurudwara and had yummy langar there.

After that we took off to Manali, and the drive was beautiful, with the roads lined with a mix of orange and green trees, and snow clad mountains at the horizon. We stopped for a lil while by River Parvati and soaked our feet in it’s ice cold waters. Felt soooo good!

We reached Manali in the evening, sometime around six. Our lodge was closer to the Mall, at a place called Aleo. It was next to the Mountaineering Institute and right in the middle of a forest. Absolutely gorgeous. It’s a place called Chandertal run by a couple who take care of you like grandparents fuss over their kids. The lady was so warm and always used to send us these extraordinary jams and jellies and pickles and absolutely yummy food. It was almost like a home away from home.

We stayed in Manali for three days. During this stay we visited all the possible temples- Vashisht, Manu, Hadimba and the Buddhist monastery. Hadimba was superb. It was in the middle of a beautiful forest and so calm and peaceful. Never felt like leaving that place.

We also went to Rohtang Pass and Solang Valley. It was super fun to play in the snow at Rohtang, though we had to wade through tons of slush to get to the top. The view from there…I can’t even begin to explain how it was. You have to be there to believe it. Oh and I also got a chance to do paragliding at Solang. What a thrill!!! I felt like an eagle in the sky, just floating about aimlessly. Felt absolutely at peace.

The underside was that my massi and I got separated from my mum and my other massi at Rohtang and wasted time frantically trying to locate each other. Apparently my mum had made announcements for me, as there was no network on the cellphones. And at Solang while I was floating in the air, my mum almost got run over by a mad horse. Thankfully, no one got hurt.

On our last day in Manali we visited Naggar. The Roerich Art Gallery and the Naggar Castle. Roerich was a Russian artist settled in India. His son, Svetoslav, was also a painter and had married actress Devika Rani. Her portrait was unimaginably mesmerizing and we couldn’t help collect some of his works as souvenirs. The Naggar castle had history of it’s own. It once belonged to the King of Kulu, who sold it to the Brits for-hold your breath- a gun. Bloody psycho. It was handed down to many other kings and finally it was given to the government and converted to a hotel. Too bad. The wooden carvings on the doors and verandas were exquisite. There was also a little museum in the basement with some interesting sculptures recrafted for our benefit.

During our stay, we also discovered that Manali has some pretty amazing eating joints. These are basically set up by foreigners who have married the locals and settled there for obvious reasons. (For the ignorant ones, read: hash). We ate at a place called Pizza Olive that had a-ma-zing Italian food. Then there was a restaurant at the Mall called Chopsticks where we had delicious Chinese food along with some plum wine (Himachal has excellent fruit wines). There was also a Johnson’s Café which was slightly on the higher side, but claimed to have the best trout in town. And we also picked up goodies from a couple of German bakeries.

We spent the remainder of the week in the Shimla, celebrating my grandfather’s birthday and just generally chilling. On our way back yesterday, since crises was the game of the season, we were blessed with yet another one. Mum had booked tickets for the two of us in the 5:30 pm Shatabdi from Kalka. We boarded the train well in time. At 5:15 this staff guy checks our tickets and casually informs us that our tickets are in fact for the next day. Ten minutes before the train was to start, my dear mom gets a panic attack. Somehow we talk to the TT and he tells us we have to buy tickets on board and pay double the fare. So lots of monetary loss, but we made it home safe and sound and in good time.

So like I said in the beginning, barring a few technical glitches, we managed to have a wonderful time. The scenic beauty of Manali was really admirable. I’m glad that I got to make it to this breathtaking land again- and this time I won’t forget any of it.

Don't ask...!

2007-10-17T10:10:00.000+05:30

There was a time, when I was at the peak of happiness. Everything was going great for me- personally and professionally. That’s when I used to think, life’s good. Then, like the sensex, after reaching the peak, my life’s graph crashed and bombed.

First, my more-than-a-year-long relationship ended.

Second, my reviews in office didn’t go quite as expected.

Third, I come to know, that my long lost friend has expired.

And now, fourth, I’ve quit my job.

I’m heartbroken, depressed, single and unemployed. Trust me, the graph can’t get lower than this.

Sigh…just hope the good phase comes back again. And soon.

His song

2007-10-14T12:16:00.000+05:30

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh, you don't have to go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, All those tears I cry ay ay ay ay ay
All those tears I cry oh oh oh oh ay, Baby please don't go.

When I read the letter you wrote me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the words that it told me,It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, Every breath I take oh oh oh oh oh
Every move I make hey hey, Baby please don't go.
Ay ay ay ay ay ay, You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh,
You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh, Darling please don't go.

When I read the letter you sent me, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the news that it brought me, It made me sad sad sad,
But I still love you soI can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh, You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
You don't have to go oh oh oh oh oh
Oh baby, ba-bee bee please please pleaseah ah ah ah ah baby ah ah
I really love you babyoo oo oo oo oo darlin' oooohhhh oh
Oh baby I still love you so, Oh baby I still love you so

ohohoh, ooo, oh oh oh oh oh yeah
(Fire?) ah ah oh ah ah ah oooohhh
(fire?) ah ah ah ah ah, oooooooooooooo
(fire?) Ohhh baby....

You know how it feels when you just come to know one day, that someone you were once close to, is no longer in this world? Someone you lost touch with, rather broke all communication with, is now dead? You know, when you stop talking to someone, you still live in the hope that things may be revived some years down the line. That someday, you might just bump into each other, and old times would be forgotten, and everything would just be ok. But then a truth comes and hits you in the face- he's dead- and you just sit there not knowing what happened.

Hey Rian, or should I call you D'yer Mak'er, or Jason Bourne ...I don't know what would've happened if we were still talking. I don't know what happened to you, how it happened...why it happened. I don't know what were the thoughts that circled your mind as you lay on your death bed. It kills me to think I couldn't speak with you one last time. You went away, as always, without a word. And just a month before your birthday. You always said people didn't love you enough. If only you were around to see this. Gosh... I still don't believe this. I hope this is a lie. Coz if you'd read this, you'll know you touched my life in more than a million ways. And now, it's just shocking to realise you're never coming back.

I hope you get happiness wherever you go. You were a good person, Rian. May God bless you.

Starry night weekend

2007-10-10T07:05:00.000+05:30

We had been planning a weekend break since a long time, but nothing seemed to materialize. Finally one friend suggested we go to Rishikesh for river rafting. It was more than two years since I'd gone, and I couldn't resist going for a second time.

So last weekend I, with five other friends, packed our bags to leave Delhi and forget everything for a while. I was the last one to be picked up, and when we were all together, we just hugged each other, thankful that it's finally happening!

We didn't even realise where the 7 hour drive went. Continuously chatting, listening to music, cracking jokes, eating, sleeping....we didn't discuss anything about our daily lives, probably because we all wanted a break from our stressful routines.

We reached Shivpuri around 2.30 pm, and immidiately changed to hit the water. The ambience of the place was just breathtaking. Mountains, white sand and the Ganges, and around it, a whole cluster of camps. We were far from civilization, and that's all we needed.

We were all strapped up in the raft in the next 30 mins, ready to get some action. The instructor told us what we were supposed to do, and then finally we started off. As we approached the first rapid, we held our breath and wrapped our fingers tighter around the oar. Then as the instructor screamed 'Forward' we all put our entire power and paddled forward. Harder with each stroke. The water was ice cold as it hit our faces, and the raft bobbed threateningly. But it was over soon. And gosh, what a high! We cheered ourselves for our efforts and geared up for the next one.

With each powerful stroke, I could feel myself releasing all my pain, all the stress, all the misery that I'd been holding on to. And overcoming every rapid, felt like an accomplishment. We'd covered close to 20 kms, and boy that's something to be proud of! By the end of it, every lil part of my body ached, but I felt completely at peace.

We drove back to the camp and changed out of our soggy clothes. It was getting really chilly, and I was glad I'd carried my woolens. And when we stepped out of the tent, the sight that greeted us took our breath away. We looked up and saw zillions of stars, twinkling away in the sky. It was so beautiful, it didn't seem real. It was as if some one had sprinkled all the world's diamonds on the black velvety sky. We were speechless for a while and just kept gazing up, in awe. At that moment, I realized my own troubles meant nothing. Nothing at all. Why was I sad, when there's so much beauty and joy around me. I found myself wishing I could stay here forever. Just laying on the white sand and gazing at the stars that were there only for me. I felt one with the universe and nothing could break me down.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken the day we left. I knew it was going to be back to the same old, stressful rat race of life. But I also knew that life can be better; life is good, and that I'm taking all of God's creation with me, forming memories that would last for a lifetime.

Colourless

2007-10-03T12:25:00.000+05:30

Life once was

a myriad of hues
Now drained of color
save for blues

Like day and night
like black and white
It’s dim and dull
devoid of light

The day you left
I bade goodbye
To pinks and reds
and shades of joy

Now I live
In tones of grey
Clinging to the past
A shadow of dismay

"I Love You"

2007-09-29T23:19:00.000+05:30

Three words that can make a heart melt. Can bring a smile to your lips. Or tears to moist eyes. Three words that force you to dream aloud. And sometimes, shatter those dreams.

They say love’s a powerful feeling. It can move mountains. It can heal the deepest of wounds. But what happens if love itself was the cause of those deep wounds. I wonder what would heal them.

Love’s an addiction. If you can’t live with the person you’re in love with, you live with their memories. The way they gathered you in their arms, whispered promises in your ears and then sealed them with tender kisses. The smell of their skin feels as real as if they’re right there, sitting next to you. The night you lay in each other’s arms, wishing it would last forever, seems like yesterday. The rhythm of their heartbeat, mingled with yours is something you may never forget. No…it’s impossible to forget love.

If love was so grand, isn’t it worth fighting for?

An empty realization

2007-09-16T11:16:00.000+05:30

Does it ever happen, that in a relationship, you reach a point where you don't remember any of the reasons for being with someone? But you feel you just have to, coz it's the decision you've made? What do you do when you're the last priority for the person you love most? What happens when the reality you chose to ignore, comes and hits you in the face? And you're left alone, to pick up the shattered pieces of your heart?

In rain's shadow

2007-09-03T05:49:00.000+05:30

I gaze outside through the curtain of rain at the thundering grey sky, mesmerized by it’s sheer beauty. I watch as the rain lovingly caresses each and every little thing, soaking them with it’s affection, before it buries itself in the earth. The trees, the flowers, the grass…me. It’s almost as if I can see an expression of happiness all around me.

I wonder why I’m still brooding...

Ignore this...

2007-08-30T05:38:00.000+05:30

Haven't felt so utterly useless in a while now. Didn't go to work today, was kinda under-the-weather. Did a couple of follow ups, saw sappy crappy romantic movies on DVD, surfed mindlessly, and now blogging about God knows what. I used to have a life once, but now it's like I just don't ever wanna get out of bed.

Haven't touched a book in the longest time now. And I love reading! Shame on me. I'm giving up on my fav hobby! There's hardly anything I do anymore. I used to draw at one point, but that's seems futile now. There's so much work to do, to learn...but just don't feel like doing anything. I hate this...It's like this 'Lazy-Ness' monster is taking over my brain, and I'm letting myself being led into a being this boring, good-for-nothing laptop-starer...is that even a word? Ah who cares!

I hope it's cloudy today evening...so I can drag myself to go take a walk. The sun gives me another reason to stay indoors. Jeez, I have no will power. Ok enough. I gotta stop now...come on, fingers, stop typing...stop it! Gosh there we go agen...whatever, folks...I'm outta here!

Love Delirium

2007-08-20T02:14:00.000+05:30

I reside in the State of Lonliness
I live with a box of broken dreams
A bride at the altar
A dethroned Queen
The one left out in the rain

Like a meek goat following her shepherd
hoping to find my meadow
I tread towards my illusory heaven,
I follow him
lost in a hypnotic trance

The venom of love
rushes through my veins
Can feel it absorbing my soul
Fading truth, diminishing life,
An undead corpse

That’s what’s become of me.

Occupational Hazards

2007-08-08T22:40:00.000+05:30

I didn’t quite expect it to be like this. Actually I don’t really know what I expected.

Before you get ideas, it’s my job I’m talking about.

Public Relations, I thought, was about people with great persuasive skills, writing skills and speech skills. I was right. But what I didn’t know was, that it is a highly stressful and thankless profession. At one end, you have to satisfy the client who believes it’s his birthright to offload the most menial forms of work onto their PR agency. On the other hand, it’s the journalist who will throw tons of attitude and give you a cold shoulder all the time, as if he’s God and you’re at his mercy. Then there’s your own set of managers who keep giving you deadlines that you simply have to meet, or they’ll give you a look that’ll make you feel like the most worthless piece of shit on the planet. And to top it all, you always have to have a smile plastered over your face and repeat the same thing, again and again to a variety of journalists. If one of these guys don’t kill me soon enough, I’ll probably commit suicide myself.

Anyway, this is probably the fate of most PR professionals. There’s not much we can do about it. Of course, there are certain exceptions too. Some journalists are actually quite sweet, and hear you out patiently. And some clients as well, who have a decent understanding of the media, don’t treat you like a slave. And thankfully, my managers know when to let their hair down and give me a break. But then, I’m human. I need a reason to crib.

It’s not like I’m unhappy or dissatisfied with my job. It’s too soon to say that. I mean, it’s been, what, 4 months, since I joined? I guess what I’m saying here is, I’m stuck between the being out-of-college and starting-work phase, and it’s going to take me a while getting used to working with professionals and their deadlines. Till then, I suppose, this blog will be the vent to all my frustration. Tough luck for you guys tho! ;)

2007-07-29T10:08:00.000+05:30

I’ve had just about enough of it. Getting the cold shoulder… it’s come to a point where I just don’t care anymore. I’ve quit trying. I don’t fuckin care. No passion, no excitement, no love… nothing. No more Miss Goody-Goody. This time I’ll be the one turning my back to the world. Jump off a building and kill yourself. I. Don’t. Care.

Wounded

2007-07-18T23:32:00.000+05:30

A difficult realization
A bitter truth shoved into my face
When two most important people
Cease to match each other’s pace

The quarrels that I chose to ignore
Have suddenly become too frequent
Somewhere along those forty five years
The so called love started it’s descent

It’s already tough to deal with age
And alcohol only makes it worse
When lunacy takes over our loved ones
It only leaves behind scars

And the reality to be faced with is
‘They never loved each other
And all the bitterness through these years
Has made them hate one another’

The times gone by all seem so fake
You see compromise in every smile
And remorse in every teardrop
Wonder why they carried on all this while

It’s like a thousand knives
Slicing through my numb heart
Cry myself to sleep every night
Watching my family fall apart

Holiday's over :(

2007-06-25T09:59:00.000+05:30

Hi everyone! I’m back and as ecstatic as ever! My holiday was better than I thought it would be. It was just…perfect! The last 10 days have been a breeze.

I didn’t expect Finland to be what it really is. Blame it part on my lack of reading up on places, and part on my very weird imagination! I thought it’s this one tiny country that’s tucked up in the north somewhere with freezing temperatures and people who look like Eskimos. Boy was I in for a surprise!

Finland’s major, probably the only natural resource is it’s forests. And as we stepped out of the airport in Helsinki, we could see how green it was. There were trees everywhere! And very well manicured too… exact same height, and growing absolutely straight. I was dumbfounded by how clean the place was! Not a soul in sight, except our big yellow VW taxi. Imagine, no stray dogs or cows on the road! :P While we drove to our hotel, I noticed how people didn’t jump red-lights, how pedestrians were given first preference and how people stuck to the rules and regulations laid out for them. I mean, it’s a small instance, but you could make out there’s actually a system out there, and that the taxpayer’s money isn’t going to the dogs.

Anyway, our hotel was right next to the harbour, like 100 steps maybe. So the sea breeze felt nice and cool on my face. The temperature, by the way, was not at all freezing, It didn’t go above 18 degrees, so it was pleasantly cool. A light jacket was all you needed. And no, the people were not Eskimos, but very normal looking individuals, and some actually made me drool! ;) But overall, it was a friendly environment. Helsinki’s a simple, down-to-earth kinda place with similar people. They don’t see a lot of tourists, not a lot of Indians anyway, so they acknowledged our presence with a smile.

It was different never to see the sun set. The sun was up till midnight! At 10 pm there it felt like 6 pm in Delhi. I kinda felt sorry for them, coz they’re missing out on the nights. It was a wee bit uncomfortable to see day all day! But I guess it’s OK.

It was summer season for them, so people were quite skimpily dressed! We were probably the only ones wearing woolens. We explored the city mostly on foot, or took a ride in the trams. It’s not a very large place, so it wasn’t so bad. Food though, was a major problem initially, coz everything was made of bread, and in departmental stores, everything was written in Finnish.

After the first 2 n a half days in Helsinki, we took a cruise to Stockholm (Sweden). The cruise was an experience in itself. 10 decks in all, M/S Mariella was a beauty. It had a casino, a discotheque, about 5 restaurants, 2 cafes, saunas and a huge duty-free shop. My folks and I went up to the top deck to admire the view of the Baltic Sea. We thought we’d stay up till the ship starts moving. Bad idea. As soon as it moved, the cool sea breeze turned to an extremely chilly gale. It was so strong, we had to hold each other and make a human chain to prevent us from being blown away! But it was some experience! And the view, of course was fabulous!

Stockholm and Helsinki are somewhat like Mumbai and Delhi. Somewhat. There are more people in Stockholm, we even saw quite a lot of Indians. Stockholm is the economic capital of Sweden. People were different here… they all looked as if they’re models off the ramp! Everyone was dressed so stylishly! But they were as warm as the Finnish, if not more. And Stockholm was definitely more expensive.

There was not a lot to explore there. We saw the Change of Guards ceremony at the King's Castle, which was carried out with a lot of pomp. Then we visited the Skansen Open Museum, which was an amazing walk. It was a sort of a zoo, but not exactly. It’s like a huge park, with li’l lakes inside, and further ahead, you could go see some Scandinavian animals. We saw the elk, reindeer, seal, and of course the brown bear. They were all out in the open, with thick glass screens separating us. So it was quite a sight.

We spent 2 days in Stockholm, and then took the cruise back to Helsinki. This time we stayed in a hostel, Academia I think it was called. And here we had a kitchenette, so that was a relief coz now we could cook. It was in a way, better than staying at the hotel, coz we were on our own. So cooking, cleaning, doing the beds- everything was our responsibility. Felt more like home.

During our 3 days in Helsinki, we visited the Nuuksio National Park which was breathtakingly beautiful and an amusement park, which was nothing like Disney Land I’m sure, but was a zillion times better than Appu Ghar! In between, we also took a train to a small town around Helsinki called Turku. Here we bought a litre of really really fat strawberries and ohhhh my Gooood they were just out of this world. We ate like we were starved for strawberries and later discovered our lips and fingertips had turned a deep red. Gosh I could kill to taste strawberries like those again!

The Nuuksio National Park was 45 mins away from the city, by bus. It was a one and half hour walk in the woods after that. It was just superb. The natural beauty of the place left me gawking, and I found myself wishing I could stay back forever. The lakes around the woods were sooooo beautiful. You have to be there to know what I’m talking about. After the climb, we came to a small inn, where they served us with tea, coffee and some yum freshly baked bread with butter. We could even take a dip in the lake, but the water was a lil too cold for my comfort!

Next day we were to take our flight back to India, and I really didn’t feel like going back! I was too much in love with the place. But I have to admit, I went at the best time. In winters the temperatures can drop to as low as minus 25 in the south of Finland, and minus 50 in the north. Sighhh! I guess no place is perfect, but this sooo was!! I guess I still haven’t gotten over my holiday, don’t think I ever will.

Chhutti Time!!

2007-06-11T19:55:00.000+05:30

The heat in Delhi is killing…47 degrees, ugh! But finally my much needed break is here. I’m off for a vacation guys! You’ve no idea how much I was lookin forward to this- and it’s finally here!

It was tough getting leave from office since I’m still on “probation”. The GM was clearly not happy with it and gave me a piece of her mind. But my immediate manager’s a darling! So I’m going to get extra chocolates for her! ;)

I’ll be going to Helsinki and Stockholm for about 10 days. This is my first trip abroad and I’m super excited! Finally my poor empty passport has a visa on it! :P

Almost my entire family’s going with me, including my nieces- so I’m gonna have a ball for sure. My packing’s almost done…just a few things here and there. Eeeeee this is gonna be so much fun!!

I leave tonight so I guess I’ll say a quick goodbye! Just hope the monsoons hit Delhi by the time I’m back. See ya guys, and pray that everything goes according to plan!!

Love ya!! :)

Sunday Smiles

2007-06-04T10:48:00.000+05:30

Sundays are usually very boring for me. But today, it was kinda nice. Nothin out of the ordinary, but just plain nice. Went shopping with mom, the planets must have been in perfect alignment coz it was like the best day to shop! Found everything I needed. And was also able to spend quality time with Mum. Had a good heart-to-heart. Just us. :)

Delhi’s weather has been pretty sucky since the whole of last week. But today we got slight thundershowers in the evening. I just looooove the smell of wet earth. Yummy! :P That was another thing that made me smile.

And of course, my darling lil niece dropped in… and anyone will forget their worries lookin at her! She’s just too adorable… the picture of innocence.

Oh and the cherry on the cake was when browsing just now, I discovered that the story I’d pitched to a journalist for my client finally got published! :D That means I can cross one major deadline off my list! Yayyyy!

Tomorrow’s office again… but I’m not dreading it somehow, like every Monday morning. Just hope tomorrow’s as good as today…or even better!

Banished

2007-05-13T08:37:00.000+05:30

A list of don'ts

is what I get from you

I earn your disapproval

in everything I do

You say the harshest things

in jest

I'm trying to see beyond it

but can't protest

My vision's blurred

can't see the line

Between compromise

and sacrifice

Tryin' to make you happy

but you always get annoyed

Pushing me away

making your life devoid

of me

What did I do?

Where did I go wrong?

Where'd the love go?

Can't figure it out

Just askin you

to take me along

Don't walk away

just take me along...

Rainclouds

2007-05-07T06:45:00.000+05:30

Nothing excites me more than looking out and seeing rainclouds looming above. It's the greatest feeling to just sit in my room, without a care in the world, and smell the rain outside. The gentle wet breeze caresses my face, sending tingles down my spine. Rain awakens a kind of longing in my heart... just takes me far away, somewhere, where I float over a dreamy horizon. Just love watching the green trees dance with the wind. Like they're just as happy as me! Looking out, through a film of dark clouds, it just changes everything. It all seems so fresh... kinda gives me a feeling of relief... where I just gaze away, and sigh contentedly, thinking it ain't such a bad place after all.

Took this photo with my phone today, while driving back from a movie. Had a lovely Sunday, relaxed. Just the way it's meant to be. Feeling completely at peace :)

Getting down to business

2007-04-23T09:00:00.000+05:30

Long hours, loads of work, no social life... that’s how I pictured my life to be after I joined work. Well, I wasn’t entirely wrong. There are long hours, there is a truckload of work everyday, and my social life is now restricted to weekends. But along with all of that, it’s FUN! To wake up and go to work every morning not knowing, when I’ll be let off, but with the certainty of learning something new, something extraordinary each day.

I remember the zillions of butterflies I had in my tummy on my first day of work. My mind was abuzz with innumerable thoughts on how my first day was going to be like. I had to be there on time no matter what. Everything had to be just perfect.

I was ten minutes late.

I remember being stuck in traffic and feeling the tears of frustration welling up in my eyes. I’d so wanted to make a good first impression. But to my relief, when I reached the office, my seniors didn’t say a word and were as warm with me as they were with the others. That’s when I knew, this journey wasn’t going to be as bad as I thought.

After the initial exchange of courtesies and introductions, we were asked to make a presentation on a random topic. In the days that followed, we conducted surveys and a bunch of more presentations along with lectures from our seniors. It was then that it dawned upon me that this place means business… period.

My office is a not a factory. It’s a place to learn, to acquire new skills and to hone the existing ones. In the little time that I’ve spent here, I’ve got to learn a lot. And I don’t mean just PR. Of course, being surrounded by professionals, some of their expertise does rub off on you. I’ve learnt the importance of discipline in life. Doing something at a particular time may sound like a very mundane activity, but it really makes a lot of difference.

Another aspect that I learnt was the significance of building relationships. I’d never given a serious thought to what a valuable role our relations play in our lives. The people we relate to reflect on us. It’s through our relationships that people form an opinion about us. Thus the need to understand people and their requirements is of prime importance in my job.

It’s quite remarkable how in such a short period, I have been able to learn so much. My office seems more like a close-knit family to me, and I feel privileged to be a part of this unit. I know how much they believe in imparting knowledge, and I’m glad to be at the receiving end of it all.

And so...

2007-04-04T11:14:00.000+05:30

It’s quite odd how fast 10 months have ended. Was it really just 10? Months? But on reflection, it really was a long time. Or maybe a lot of things happened in this short period. Mumbai really changed my life. It’s the kind of city, that when you try and hug, won’t hug you back. But at least I’m thankful it made a little space for me in its crowded womb.

It’s been a long, harrowing session at college. The days ended so soon, and the nights disappeared into darkness. The only thing constant, was stress. Everyone was always running for something. Everyone was always in a hurry. Everyone only cared about themselves.

I can’t say I’m not sorry to leave this place. Some people show surprise that I didn’t ‘fall in love’ with the place. I couldn’t. I didn’t have the time. Of course there are some parts I’m going to miss. Like coming back late. Making my own decisions. Living on my own conditions. But I still wanted to be back home, after a long day. And Mumbai was not home. No way.

So now that college’s over, it feels good to back home, chilling in my room without a care in the world. I know this feeling probably ain’t gonna last long… but hey, as long as I have my people around me, I think I’m going to be just fine. I’m just glad I realized my priorities, and the importance of having a loving family and supportive friends. I realized how much I love them. And for that, I’m grateful to Mumbai for being the way it is.

Tina

2007-03-14T10:56:00.000+05:30

When I came to Mumbai, I wasn’t looking for friends. Colleagues, casual acquaintances, yes, but not friends. Especially not long lasting ones. But then, I met Tina. I hadn’t acknowledged her presence (nor had she acknowledged mine) until after the first month of coming to the same class. We just happened to bump into each other on our way to college once and surprisingly, much to our delight, discovered we live in the same building. Since then we’ve practically been inseparable.

It was so easy to like her. She’s a typical ‘baavi’, a Parsi to the core. In love with her religion, and in love with love. It was fascinating to know she was engaged at 20. She was different from my peers. While the others were all busy trying to get down to business, Tina was busy spreading her charms. Studies were (and still are) the last thing on her mind! Not that she wasn’t bright. She just had very different priorities from the rest of us. She’s rather stay home and take care of her ‘Goolu Maasi’ than finish assignments. Or pay a visit to her in-laws. Or tend to the many relatives of hers that kept streaming in throughout the year. Or go shopping! It was so lovely to have someone as refreshing as her to talk to after a harrowing day at college, ‘coz Tina is always smiling.

It’s amazing how easily I put all my trust in Tina. She’s one of the few genuine people left in this world. Observant like hell, she has funny interests. She likes noting down bus numbers and knowing where which one goes. She likes hospitals for God’s sake. She’s shit scared of butterflies. She makes the funniest sound ever, when she gets hiccups! She loves buying gifts for anyone and everyone. She sleeps in class. But every time you mention the word ‘Parsi’, or ‘Hyderabad’ her head pops up and her face breaks into a smile (‘coz she’s from Hyd and loves her city)! She goes crazy when she sees a ship (coz her fiancé is a shippie). And she simply loves taking ferry rides.

We’ve had so much fun together. The best time we had was when we went to Alibaug with our respective boyfriends, and she gave me tips on the art of seduction! Silly girl! Right now, she’s down with typhoid and is admitted to the hospital. I’m so worried for her. I hope she gets well soon. Miss her crazy antics so much! Gonna miss her all the more when I get back home. I am so used to seeing her around, she’s almost like a sister to me… it’s gonna feel really empty without her in Delhi. She better pay me a visit… Tina, if you read this, just wanna let you know…you’re really special, and mean a lot to me. You’ve really made a difference in my life. Thanks for being who you are…love you lots! And get back home pleeeaaase!!

Last Dance

2007-03-01T00:00:00.000+05:30

Why sit in the corner
Avoiding each other’s gaze
Feeling sad and helpless
For long gone days

The music surrounds our broken hearts
Luring us away from the lost romance
Please take my hands in yours
And then ask me to dance

Hold me while we sway
To the lonely night’s song
While the music flows through our veins
Nothing can go wrong

Move your body close to mine
We’re one, while we dance
United in our grief and pain
We’re lost in a trance

Feel the sweat on our skin
Feel our breaths intertwine
As we jive along with the tune
You and I become divine

Let’s forget the world tonight
For once, let’s take a chance
To free ourselves from the past
Oh sweetheart, won’t you dance
This last dance with me?

P.S. For what it’s worth, Happy Anniversary sweetheart…

Daydream

2007-02-19T09:30:00.000+05:30

Is it a bad thing to want to fantasize? I mean, people won’t give you that “are you daft” look when you tell them your fantasies, would they? Or would they simply laugh it off? Oh well, I guess I’d rather leave it to them.

You know what my fantasy is? To turn back time.

I wish I could go back to where romance was still alive and love was present in all it’s glory. Where people conversed in poetry, and they weren’t afraid to dream aloud. Where it was OK to smile at the smallest of things and it was OK to feel happy. When people wished on a shooting star and believed in stories of the Arabian Nights. Where hugging and kissing one another when we met wasn’t considered unsophisticated and embarrassing. Where time lazily took a stroll instead of rushing past us in a frenzy.

Why is that now people don’t have time for each other? Why is it a pain to go see how your folks are doing? Why is materialism gathering more importance than affection? Why are we forgetting to love again, and again?

Naukridotcom

2007-02-13T13:02:00.000+05:30

College’s almost over. Just a couple of months to go. The inevitable question- now what?! Probably get a job someplace. And then a series of more troublesome questions follow. So what is it going to be like to work? Do I know what I’m supposed to do? Do I even know what I’m doing? Will my boss like me? Will my co- workers like me? Will I like them?

My mind is like a busy street right now, with thoughts running to and fro like DTC buses. And my heart? Well it’s more like a subway train.

Oh did I mention, I got a job.

Which is why I’m in such a frenzy right now. At first I couldn’t really believe it. Me? Job? I’m just an unemployed student. A student. I can’t work! And earn too?? Are you kidding me?! I still get monthly allowance from Dad. What do you mean I’ll get a salary!? That’s for older people who are professionals with lots of experience. I’m just a kid. A kid who wants to go back home and live with her parents.

Well at least that part’s going to happen for sure.

I’ll be shifting base back to Delhi. Yipeeeee! There’s so much to do, and I feel so unprepared…and dependant. But at least I’ve started out on the path I’d imagined myself to be on. Only this time, it’s not imagination. It’s really happening. And I’m going to face this new life… head on. And smiling :)

Ties that bind

2007-01-14T11:14:00.000+05:30

This might come across as a rather strong post. I would like to inform my readers that the following are simply my thoughts and I do not intend to hurt any person or community with this post. So if somebody does feel offended, I apologize in advance.

Religion. One word I dislike from the very core of my heart. What was meant to bring people together has been the key aspect in bisecting them. What was meant to be an expression of freedom, has enclosed us within its framework of “rules and regulations”.

India is an amalgamation of scores of religions and communities. There’s the Muslim community, the Christians, the Parsis and the Hindus. The Hindu community itself is divided into a number of other communities, each following their respective religious convictions. Diversity. Something we, as a nation, were once proud of. But its driven us so far apart from each other, that we cringe at the thought of any sort of union within two different sections of society.

I wanted to talk about how the ‘outside’ communities operate. But then I thought of our very own Hindu religion. Take my own, for instance. I’m a Punjabi, closely related to the Sikh community. We all know what Sikhs are ‘supposed’ to do. Both men and women aren’t allowed to cut their hair. They’re all supposed to carry 5 things with them at all times (kada, kanghi, kataar, kesh and kachh) or else they’ll be declared ‘unfit to be a part of Sikhs’. They have to marry within their community, though now-days some families are relenting.

The Bengalis. Caste is given top priority here. People are excluded from the right to enter a temple just because they don’t belong to certain caste. You are not allowed to touch or eat in someone else’s house if they are not part of your caste or you’d become an ‘untouchable’ yourself.

Tamils. Again ruled by the caste system. Tamil Brahmins have the monopoly on God and they are the only ones who have the legitimacy to "speak" God-tongue: Sanskrit. They are given the highest regard in society. Strictly vegetarian, they have to wear a thread on their bodies at all times to prove their ‘brahminness’. And of course they’re adherence to time is a known fact. Everything has to be done at a certain time or else it loses its purpose. And marry outside the caste (leave alone community), all hell breaks loose.

I have a great problem with the caste system especially when those who practice it do not even do the job that caste is supposed to do. Segregation and untouchability are beyond the pale in modern society. Even the delineation based on job classification is stupid in a modern societal context.

There are also the perceptions we have formed about persons belonging to a specific community. We see a Sikh and pass him off as a moron. A Muslim has to be a sadist. A Bengali is considered a glutton. A Tamilian- dark skinned race. A Marwarhi has to be a ‘business-minded’ trader.

Why? Why this disparity? Why this hesitation to accept people as they are, whoever they are? We have breeding records for animals. Why brand one another? Why can’t we be human first, and communal later?

An anonymous Tamil poem says it all. The girl thinks her lover might forsake her and go away without marrying her. The boy then allays her fears. He says:

My mother and your mother, how are they related!
My father and your father, in what way are they related!
Me and you, did not know each other before!
Like the rain that mixes with the red soil,
Our hearts full of love have got mixed with one another!

Illegitimate

2007-01-02T12:07:00.000+05:30

Memories hound me
Like ravens
Haunting a lonely lighthouse
Their cries
Piercing my heart

Every little thing
Becomes a painful cue
Of moments spent with you

The narrow lanes
Where we walked hand in hand
The seashore
Where we gazed at the horizon
And pondered over our lives

All of these
Remind me of a past long gone
And a future, that’ll never be

My hopes shatter
My dreams explode
Against the walls of my heart
Like waves crashing on the rocks

Questions surround me
The whys and the why nots
Of broken promises
Of incomplete vows
Of brief forevers
And a love
That does not belong…

The Love Omen

2006-12-22T09:30:00.000+05:30

I grew up thinking I’d never fall in love. Or rather, no one can ever fall in love with me.

Well, I was wrong.

I never knew when love happened to me. I still have to pinch myself to believe it. But it’s true. Love is not an illusion. It’s real, so real. I can feel it all around me. Its in the wind, in the sun, in the clouds, on the ground I walk on, in the birds flying across the sky, in the laughter of a child, in the waves that hit the shore… its everywhere.

It’s amazing how complete you feel in the circle of someone’s arms. When you feel your hearts beating as one, in the same rhythm. When you look into their eyes, you know you want to gaze into them forever. You feel safe and protected, when you rest your head on their chest. When they hold your hand and promise you their love, you know it’s for real.

Love can do so much to a person. Can change the way they think. An atheist may start believing in the existence of God. Love can penetrate so deep that even the strongest people break down and cry. Nothing can match the passion you feel for each other, and all that matters is being together. No wonder they say love’s blind. But the sights a person ‘blinded’ by love can see, can never be felt by an ordinary person.

Its tough to stay in love. I know. But this is the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced. I can’t bear the thought of losing the one I love, but spending my life with him seems like a distant dream. And now, I never want to wake up…

Abandoned

2006-11-18T13:23:00.000+05:30

Illusive reality
Deceptive truths
Honest lies
Blissful miseries

False reflections
In those eyes
Fake affection
Phony smiles

Shattered myths
Destroyed fantasies
A gush of blood
Over frozen lives

Dazed, confused
Paralyzed by fate
Screaming in silence
Choking with hate

Broken. Wrecked. Scarred.
For life.

This is for my best friend. Take care sweetie. God bless you.

Thinking aloud...

2006-11-03T02:57:00.000+05:30

So November’s here. Four months gone. Just like that. Six more to go. Sigh… has it really been that long? Or rather…just four months? Feels as if I’ve been on my own forever. Its fun, you know. Paying my rent myself, fixing my own meals, juggling studies…being responsible is something I’m not really used to! But I’m liking it. Sure I miss the pampering…but this is better in a way. This time, when I went back home, I was treated like an adult for once. As an equal. My decisions were respected. They listened to me. I felt so proud. I think it’s the first time I felt I’ve actually ‘grown up’. I’ve learnt to trust myself. Trust my decisions. I know if there’s someone I can rely on here, its just me.

But there’s something I fear. I hope that in this one year, I don’t change for the worse. I don’t become indifferent to others. I mean, it feels as if I’ve seen so much that nothing else can surprise me. I don’t want to be that way. I don’t want that ‘I couldn’t care less’ attitude. That’s not me. I want to break down and cry at times. And sometimes, I want to laugh out loud. I don’t want to lose my power to feel. To love. To care.

I really don’t know what the future holds for me. But whatever it may be…I know I’ll be able to handle it.

Oooh Baby!!

2006-10-18T01:07:00.000+05:30

I'm an Aunt! For the second time!! Eeeeee I'm so excited!! Got a call from my bro this morning and he gave me the good news! Bhabhi's given birth to a darling baby girl! Oh what an angel she must be! I'm dying to see her! Poor bhabhi was in labour for more than 14 hours...gosh I can't imagine what she must've gone through! This is one stubborn baby! She was supposed to be born on the 14th of this month, but apparently she has a mind of her own! Ohh everyone must be so happy! I can't wait to get back home and take her in my arms...I even went and shopped for the cutest li'l baby suit for her. Feel like taking the entire world home to her...my sweet li'l niece, my li'l angel... Just 2 days more and I'll be home, beside her! My new playmate! It's gonna be soooo much fun to watch her grow! She'll be a brat for sure, under special guidance from me! ;) Just like my first niece! I just can't wipe the smile off my face! I wish her the world! Love her sooo much! My muffin, my cupcake, my chocolotey bubble gummy baby! mwahhh!!

The Wait...

2006-10-11T10:34:00.000+05:30

The countdown has begun
The wait is on
Moments turn to hours
Its been so long…

The pain increases
With each passing day
I listen to my heart
Searching for a way

The warmth of your arms
Seems like a dream
I’m afraid to wake up
Drowned in the tidal stream

I’m losing sleep
Counting the days
Lying still in the dark
I stare into space

Torn by the distance
Between our hearts
Intoxicated by love
My soul departs…

Shoe People

2006-09-26T12:57:00.000+05:30

Stilettos, flats, wedges, tie-ups, sports shoes…I love em all! I suffer from a shoe fetish…I’m crazy about em! I guess it’s a girl thing…but there’s something extraordinary about shoes. I think the kind of shoes people wear, defines their personality. Whenever I meet someone new, my attention first goes to their feet. Believe me, I’m completely put off by someone without a decent shoe sense. Anyway, I was talking about shoe personalities. I’ve actually analyzed people by their shoes, and more often than not, my observations hit bull’s-eye!

For instance, my friend TS wears delicate, pretty kinda shoes… stilettos, or strappy things, or closed shoes that resemble a doll’s footwear! She’s a typical girl! Soft spoken, feminine and a romantic. Thinks more from her heart than her head.

Another friend of mine, AG, loves wearing sports shoes. Not too stylish, keeps it simple. Also, he’s more into greys and blacks. He’s a football freak and a geek!

Then there’s NA. She’s got a whole collection of shoes in the latest styles and variety of colours! She’s vivacious, fashion conscious and has a very vibrant nature.

Another classmate of mine, AB, wears floaters mostly. Anywhere he goes, he has them on. He’s laidback, easygoing, slightly shabby but quite adorable.

And of course, there’s Milo. The woman has a hoard of shoes! Mostly black and red, her shoes are flat or with a very tiny heel. And they’re simple but stylish and quite sexy! She’s a no-nonsense person but lets her hair down once in a while! Thinks from her head, but lets her heart lead in some cases…

I could go on about my ‘shoe- people’. My own shoes speak volumes about me! Which is why I’m so particular about how I dress up my feet! :P I love observing everybody but that doesn’t mean I let my assumptions stop me from talking to them. I just like to start on the right ‘foot’!

The Day After...

2006-09-16T07:04:00.000+05:30

Yesterday's special 'Birthday Feeling' still hasn't left me. All thanks to my family and friends who made sure I had the best time, even if they weren't with me. Got extra phonecalls at midnight for starters! Till 8 in the morning my phone rang off the hook. Good wishes piling up gave me a fuzzy feeling inside. Then mom n dad had couriered a birthday card that made my heart swell with love. Holding it was like being hugged inside out. The best feeling ever.

In college, I got a lotta hugs and good wishes from my classmates. Cut the cake with them all. Its amazing how people go out of their way to make you feel special. Then just hung out with them till evening. Went out for dinner with my roomie and treated myself to some wine. I've reached the legal age after all!

Then my parents called. They were cutting the cake for me. Putting the phone on speaker mode, my whole family sang 'Happy Birthday' as they cut the cake. I felt like I was right there, with them! My niece had made such a cute card that was scanned and sent to me on email. I was so happy, I cried!

As the day got over, I bid goodbye to 'my day'. But there was more to come. Today I recieved a bunch of cards and gifts from my close friends in Delhi. And Milo, my best friend, had wrote to me on a card that was given to her by her grandma and was her most treasured possession. I can't believe I'm so lucky. Lucky to have so many people who love me. I can't thank God enough for blessing me with so much joy.

It was a wonderful day. With each birthday I'm reminded of not only how special I am, but of the very special people around me who would always be there for me no matter where I am. I only wish I can do as much for them, if not more. Love 'em!

Incomplete

2006-09-08T12:21:00.000+05:30

It’s strange, that the things you’ve been wanting to get away from are the things you miss most, when they aren’t there.

Little things- your desk, your cupboard, even the framed picture on your side-table… their absence makes a huge difference. My daily routine goes into a whirl without all of these.

People. We don’t realize their importance in our life until they’re not there. I was so used to seeing my mum around in the morning…calling out from the kitchen. Or dad, doing his exercise. Or my brother looking for the newspaper (that I rightfully claimed before him).Or even the maid going about her chores. I never thought twice about all this, until now. God, how I miss them all.

Now it’s just me. In a bright, hollow room. In someone else’s house. With someone else’s bed. And someone else’s family.

But living my own life.

I’m settling in with time. But don’t want to settle down too much with this new routine. Coz more changes will follow. New things in place of the old. And then I’ll have to start from scratch. Again. And again.

The Night

2006-08-12T14:45:00.000+05:30

Night.
She’s black, bewitching, beautiful
Draped in a star studded cloak
Adorning the moon on her forehead
And a grey veil of clouds
Hiding dark secrets
Within herself

A Temptress
Casting her spell on the world
A Seductress
With many lovelorn lovers
A Warrior
Dangerous, when provoked
A Goddess
To be worshipped by us all

She’s dark...

She’s Light.

****ing Chinese

2006-08-06T02:31:00.000+05:30

They're doing it again! The stupid Oriental brutality is at its best. Killing dogs. Oh I'm sorry did I say 'killing'? That's too small a word. What I meant was 'butchering' or 'slaying' or 'slaughtering' innocent creatures for no reason at all. I don't know what sadistic pleasure these fuckers derive from it.

They werent satisfied with murdering 50,000. They wanna take the number upto 5 lacs. That's nice isn't it? They might even enter the World Records for the highest number of innocent animal deaths. Might as well kill humans.

Theyre killing each and every dog they can lay their slimy hands on under the false pretext of 'eradicating rabies'. Gimme a break! What's the idea of paying the owners to kill their own pets?? Who gave them the authority to do that? And theyre beating the dogs to death in front of their guardian's eyes. For the love of God, can anyone tell me WHY!??

Mumbai Matinee

2006-07-22T11:10:00.000+05:30

My first week in The Big Apple of India was, extremely eventful, to say the least! I knew it rained a lot here, but there's a big difference in knowing...and feeling! I had not been able to find an accomodation in the first week so I was putting up at my brother's friend's house in the suburbs. Wayyy far from college. And the first 3 days it poured like it had never poured before. So I was stuck at home, watching rented dvds and playin with a bored 2 yr old. Not so gr8 huh!? When the rain gods finally decided to take a break, I bravely stepped out of the house to 'face the world'! Wht dyu knw, the shiv sainiks decide to start a riot the same day! Brilliant, aint it!?

There's more.

College started on the 10th of july. Mumbai was bombarded on the 11th of july. I felt sad for all those innocent people who lost their lives in the tragedy...why them? What did they do to face such inhuman treatment? But it was shocking to see that life went back to normal so soon. In fact the trains started the same night. Can't help but salute the spirit of this city.

I got a taste of the real Mumbai in the first week itself. I was a wreck when I left Delhi. Strangely, I feel safe now. I can't help but hum that old song..."Aye dil, hai mushkil jeena yaha...Zara hat ke, zara bach ke, ye hai Bombay meri jaan..."

It's time...

2006-06-30T01:02:00.000+05:30

Don’t really know how to start. Feelin a li’l awkward writing. But I sure as hell missed it! So much new to report! This last month has been rather hectic. Entrance exams, viva, project reports, not to mention, lots of traveling! Spent quality time with family and friends. And now I got selected in a college in Mumbai for my post graduation. So I’ll finally be leaving Delhi for good. Always wanted to be out of Delhi, out there….by myself. Though now, I’m kinda getting anxious…feelin unsure. Always been sheltered and pampered…its gonna be the real thing now. No ifs or buts about it.

I’m gonna have to leave my family, my friends…my home. Gosh! I feel awful… Can’t imagine a life without them…

But I know what awaits me. A new place, new people, new atmosphere… maybe I’ll change, maybe I won’t. I’ll probably become more mature…more responsible, perhaps. In a way, I’m lookin forward to it. Getting butterflies…but they’ll settle down soon enough.

I’ll miss my friends for sure. We’ve had so many good times together. Smiles, tears…fond memories. I can feel a lump in my throat… I better end this post before I start bawling like a baby!

I’m leaving next week…so don’t know if I’ll be regular at blogger. But yea, I would keep posting whenever I find time. I’ll miss you all… take care. :)

Adios

2006-05-07T06:09:00.000+05:30

Fir usi raah guzar kar shaayad
hum kabhi mil saken magar shaayad

Jaan pehchaan se kya hoga
fir bhi ae dost gaur kar shaayad

Muntjir jinke hum rahe unko
mil gaye aur humsafar shaayad

Jo bhi bichhde hain kab mile hain 'faraar'
fir bhi tu intezaar kar shaayad

-Ghalib

I need a break. Its been a long, adventurous journey, but I’m tired of walking. I need to sit down and reflect upon all the milestones I’ve left behind. Some rough stretches, some blind corners, some green pastures, some slippery roads. Met so many wonderful strangers. Made some new friends, got to know some old ones. Shared smiles, shed tears- together. But I need to get away for a while. Need to hide…because I’m losing myself. I want to go back to the depths of darkness I came from. I want to be invisible again…

Oh I’m not disappearing forever. Just need a change. So lifeheadon.blogspot.com would be dormant for a while. Maybe I’ll be back next week, or next month, or next… J. And don’t think I’m shutting you out. I’m not. The only person I’m shutting out is myself.

************************************************************************************

Take care of yourselves. You’re all such wonderful people and have touched my life in more ways than I can imagine! I’ll miss you all immensely. Oh and if on the way I hurt someone, then I apologize. It wasn’t done intentionally. And if it was, then I probably hurt myself more in the process.

Adios amigos! May God bless you.

"People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find lonliness to be the best state in the union to live in..."
Margaret Cho

I wish you'd forget...

2006-05-01T07:26:00.000+05:30

Forget
those early morning calls,
those groggy hellos,
those long conversations,
those whispers,
those whimpers,
those tears,
those smiles,
that intimacy,
that love…

Forget it all.
Erase those memories.
Omit those moments.
Bury them deep down.
Where you can never find them again
‘Coz that, alone, will ease your pain

Write my name in the sand
And let the waves of time
wash away my very essence
From your life.

Cheers!

2006-04-24T07:03:00.000+05:30

The wine urges me on, the bewitching wine, which sets even a wise man to singing and to laughing gently and rouses him up to dance and brings forth words which were better unspoken.
Homer (800 BC - 700 BC), The Odyssey

Sitting pretty on the bar top. Luring the unsuspecting. Seducing the addicted. What is it that pulls us towards alcohol? Tastes bitter, gives us a million health problems, restricts us from driving back home, is heavy on the pocket… in short, no logical reason to get up and order that tempting glass of wine. But then, guilty pleasures don’t see no logic!

You know what, I love to see what happens to people after they’ve had one too many. Yeah, I know I’m being cheap, but it’s fun to watch them go crazy! I mean, some people go through complete personality changes...so extreme is this transformation, it’s almost fascinating! Even the most silent, ‘do-gooders’ turn into wild party animals! And when someone’s on a high, they start babbling incessantly! It’s enthralling to see how much crap one can be loaded with…or knowledge, for that matter!

It’s almost like watching a very entertaining movie, to see these poor folks go crazy! Someone calls up their ex boyfriends and proceeds to tell them exactly what they think about them…while others call their current girlfriends and narrate in great detail, their sexiest fantasies! Very explicit stuff, not for kids! Sometimes though things could get very personal and that’s not a very good sight and that’s when I turn my attention towards other non personal stuff…

Anyway, whoever said drinking is a bad habit obviously never saw any of this. Besides, you know what the best part is? The next day, when the party animals wake up with a hangover, it’s most fun to tell them the events of the previous night and watch them go very very red!! So I say drinking is really enjoyable…for the ones who drink, as well as for those who don’t!

Note: Please don’t think I’m evil!

For eternity

2006-04-17T11:41:00.000+05:30

A stream of love
you came gushing
and then, froze

Hadn't even touched you yet
and you became cold
so cold

Wish I could melt you somehow
but seems my warmth wasn't enough
to seep through

Bound by promises,
enclosed by choices
that never existed

Waiting for the sun
to rise in this winter desert,
and shine on you

Waiting for you,
and lingering on

for eternity...

?

2006-04-10T00:13:00.000+05:30

Sixteen years. Sixteen years of torture. Sixteen years of living in hell. Sixteen long, never-ending years of tears, pain and self pity. And finally, there’s light.

She was the average girl-next-door. Someone who you could easily miss in a crowd. A girl with small eyes and smaller dreams. She didn’t want much from life. She just wanted to get married, start a family and spend the rest of her life taking care of her loved ones. When her parents got her married, she thought she could cross one thing of her wish-list. Little did she know that her entire world was about to be turned upside down.

They looked like nice people. They demanded huge amounts of dowry at the wedding, but since that was ‘the trend’ then, no one thought too much of it. She left her small town to go and live in the big city. The cruel, materialistic, monstrous big city. Soon the nagging demands started. More dowry. More money. And if she resisted- physical torture. The bruises soon became prominent. Swollen face, burn marks, sore eyes, scratches all over. She began hating herself. She thought she deserved it. And bore it all. Sometimes, she tried running away. But always came back. They’d sweet-talk her into believing they’ve changed. He’s changed. But they never did.

A year or so later, she became a mother. Her hopes rose. She had someone she could call her own. She’d give her daughter the life she could never live. They cursed her even more for giving birth to a girl. But surprisingly, the father was affectionate towards the daughter. Not the mother though. His hostility towards her grew more. He still beat her whenever he felt like, but never harmed the child. As the little girl grew, she became more inclined to her father. She listened to all that he said. And she saw the way he treated her mother. And caught on. Her daughter, her only hope, had turned her back against her.

Her family back home tried all they could to bring peace. But in turn, they got only insults and humiliation. And criticism from all the relatives. Days turned to months, and months to years. She realized she was no longer the young girl she once was... the gray hair, the sagging skin…she was only a shadow of her past. She forgot what it was to be carefree and happy.

They sent her daughter out of the city to pursue her studies. Her husband became even more violent after that. Returning late at night, beating her just for ‘fun’. She couldn’t take it any longer. And then one day, after sixteen years, she decided she had had enough and fled. She broke away from that prison cell and never looked back.

Divorce. That’s all she can think of. No more living with the devil, no more bowing to his every whim. She had wasted sixteen years of her life trying to survive in a hell hole. No more.

This isn’t a work of fiction. It’s a story about someone I know personally. And I’m completely in awe of this person. But I’m also very surprised to see that social evils like dowry, wife beating, preference of a boy over a girl child, are still very much alive. How long can women be oppressed like this? We say India is developing. Sure it is. But only on the surface. Social ills are rooted inside us. This narrow mindedness is something that we do not wish to depart with. We still expect the woman to be silent and keep on bearing just because she’s ‘supposed to’. When I hear educated people talk like this, it makes me wonder what education really means. After sixteen long years, this woman has decided to fight. She finally saw light. What about the rest of the countless women who endure all this agony without even knowing that it’s wrong. Will they ever come out of the dark ages?

Ostracised even in death

2006-04-02T03:19:00.000+05:30

I came across an article in the Hindustan Times yesterday that made realise something I had chosen to ignore. The bitter truth of the existence of uneducated, backward masses in our country and their sheer ignorance to listen to reason.

Asha Devi waited beside the body of her husband for two days but the villagers of Khaira in Bihar’s Dharbhanga district shunned her house. Neighbours murmured that if they stepped inside the house, they would contract a killer virus. The reason: Asha’s husband Surendra Kumar had been HIV positive.

The widow had to drag her husband’s body all on her own to the backyard of her house and cremate it with twigs and leaves she had collected.

This is the reality of a state where NGOs and government agencies spend hundreds of crores every year to spread AIDS awareness.The government’s slogan of ‘Fear HIV, not the HIV patient’ does not seem to have reached this tiny hamlet.

A few years ago, another family was boycotted at Hathuri village in Muzaffarpur district after four members died of AIDS. The villagers treated the family as a pariah until the government intervened.

All this goes on to show awareness alone won’t help. Attitudes must change too.

Don't...

2006-03-21T11:17:00.000+05:30

Dont look into my eyes

I cannot meet your gaze

Dont take my hands in yours

I cannot keep my promise

Dont hold me in your arms

I cannot stay forever

Dont whisper my name

I cannot hear your voice

Dont caress my face

I cannot feel your touch

Dont tell me you love me

I'm not destined to love...

Happy Holi!

2006-03-16T04:50:00.000+05:30

A shade of pink
At the break of dawn
To lift your spirits

A streak of yellow
Across the sky
To brighten your day

A touch of blue
In the breeze
To keep you fresh

A canopy of green
Above your head
To keep the sun away

Hues of red
Along your path
To spread the cheer

Take the plunge
Into the palette of life
Don’t stop at the rainbow!

Boo hoo!!

2006-03-05T13:50:00.000+05:30

I’m not made for journalism. It’s a frightening thought, but after 3 years of trying to survive in this field, I have realized I’m not cut out to be a journalist. Fine time to think of that!! This last semester has been especially gruesome. In our freshman year, we thought we’ll have a fantastic, relaxed last semester. It’s only the project and internship…no exams! Vo to ho hi jayega! Sigh… Now I’m actually wishing that we had exams instead.

It all started sometime in October, when The Monster (refer: The teacher from hell) told us to think of a topic for our final semester project. We did. We came up with brilliant topics…none of which, however, appealed to her. Then, after much ‘soul-searching’ we told her to suggest one that does appeal to her. Big mistake. I soon found myself stuck with ‘Development issues in Jharkhand’. Jesus, that’s the last thing I wanted! I have searched high and low for some kind of sources that could give me some kind information so I can prepare some kind of project! Until now, the internet has been a darling! But unfortunately, my darling cannot get me interviews. And I have to put at least 3 of them. Whoop-de-doo.

And then there’s the internship. Somehow managed to get into Doordarshan and is it great or what! I have been, for some unknown reason, placed under the Sports beat. Two days, I have watched the India vs. England test match so closely, recording it on tape, logging every four runs, every six runs, every wicket and every mis-field. For 4 and a half hours at a stretch. By the time I got home, I hated TV and I hated cricket.

And the best part is, that my internship clashes with the period in which I have to prepare my project. And they say I’m lucky to get into DD and some even say I’m lucky to get such an ‘interesting’ topic for my project. If this is luck, give me disaster! And even after all this, I am so pig headed that I’m sitting here, blogging about it!! I gotta go....!

The sands of time

2006-02-26T08:31:00.000+05:30

Time’s playing games
And it seems I’m losing
It was right there
Wonder where it went
Wonder if it will return

Years gone by, in a flash
Hours turn to minutes
And minutes to moments
Moments, fly away…

Rushing by like that
You’d think it has a destination to reach
A deadline to meet
A race to win…

Does it have an end?
Did it have a beginning?

I’m trying hard to catch up,
Running, gasping for breath
But it never slows down,
The closer I try to get,
The more I lag behind

And I’m losing
Against time...

The V-day Tag

2006-02-22T09:40:00.000+05:30

Back after some time...and what dyu know I have another tag waiting to be executed! Thrillsville aint it?! Might as well do it, since Arvind is a good friend...and besides he's just gettin back at me for tagging him some time back! So buddy, we're even now ok?!

8 things I want in my lover...wow this could take a while!

8. Great sense of humour: Oh yes extremely important. I wanna be happy happy happy!!

7. Exceptionally high level of patience: For his own good. Coz when I lose it, I'm not fit to be in people's company.

6. Romantic: Would love it when he gets all mushy!

5. Supportive: I would want him to believe in me, and encourage me to go on when I feel like giving up.

4. Great between the sheets: What!? I dont want a sagging love life! ;)

3. Brainy: To keep my interest alive, coz I can get bored pretty easily.

2. Confident: A man who's sure of himself is always a turn-on!

1. Presentable: No twisted face, arms, or legs!

Whew! Alright, that's done! I hope I've made my 'demands' loud and clear!! Hehe! Oh so now I have to tag more people? A thousand apologies in advance! The people on my hitlist are:

Dhruv
Anuj
Rohit Talwar
Arz000n
Kroopa
Dwaipayan
Phoenix
Koi pahailee

Giddyap! :)

A new beginning

2006-02-12T07:09:00.000+05:30

After Dadaji and Dadima, she was the eldest in the family. We were broken after they expired, the family got scattered. She held us together. We had someone to turn to for advice in our times of distress, and celebration. Had.

In the last couple of months, she was bedridden, paralysed from head to toe; a vegetable. The doctors fractured her body with injections and drips. Nothing worked. She slipped into a coma. They revived her. Her heart gave up. They put her on a life support system. Life- support. The word scares me. Living with the help of machines. No, not living. Existing.

The last straw was when her kidneys failed. There was no hope. She was begging to take our leave. But we held on...increasing her pain with each passing day.

Today they removed the machines. Today, they set her free. We knew this had to happen. But the realisation that she's gone...its unbearable. We're unsure of what is going to happen next. We're unsure if we'll live up to her expectations. The thought of being on our own, without her blessings...

Its time we learnt to take our own decisions. It'll be tough without her. Maybe we'll make some mistakes. But we'll also learn from them. She taught us a lot when she was with us. Her teachings will not go in vain.

May God bless her.

Missed you all!

2006-02-08T05:41:00.000+05:30

Oh it feels so good to be back agen! I'm so very sorry to vanish like that, without warning. The last few days have been really really hectic around here. My house is being renovated from top to bottom...and everthing is just strewn around. I'm literally living out of a carton. My beloved computer is dismantled so I'm completely helpless! But hey I just discovered a cyber cafe today, and couldnt resist the temptation to say hey to my favorite blogger buddies! Missed you all so so so much! Was getting regular updates from TripleSix on the comments everyone was sending in. Thankyou all sooo much for being so patient with me. Although I still wont be very regular, but I'll make it a point to visit at least once a day. The project also is going to take up a lot of my time...feels odd to be suddenly busy!

Well, I better run along, there's loads of work to be done! Take care everyone! :)

The teacher from hell

2006-01-19T06:00:00.000+05:30

College life is sooo much fun! Three long, carefree years. But there has to be a catch, right? Well, there is. A teacher, who derives pleasure in making us poor, innocent girls cringe. Let's call her AS, though I'd love to add another S, and an H and an O and an L and an E. But let's leave it at AS for the time being. She reminds me of that slick-talking tyrant nurse from 'One flew over the cuckoo's nest'. Except she doesn't have the looks. Or the brains for that matter. AS is huge, she must have a lost universe inside her massive belly. And her head is equaly round and fat. It seems she soesnt have a neck...looks as if a big white ball of skin is stuck to the rest of her body. If she'd been cute, she might have resembled a snowman, or a snow-woman, to be precise. But she's far from cute. She's a vamp who plots new ways to trouble us, and then sits back and watches us squirm! Sometimes, she comes out with the dumbest and most irritating excuses to hold out attendance. And sometimes she'll force us to come to college, and then won't turn up herself!! And recently, she's trying her best to ruin our last 6 months in college by interfering with our internship and projects. Sometimes I wish I were an assasin...I'd shoot her without question. But then I figure, she gets a whole lotta curses from the 38 of us, plus our juniors who are about 50...and of course those who have passed out mustve cursed her too! So with so many bad wishes lined up, AS is sure gonna die soon...rt?? She's gonna rot in hell for sure!

The Rape of Humanity

2006-01-13T11:28:00.000+05:30

Man holed out after raping baby girl

Assistant Police Inspector Shrikant Desai did not go home for 30 hours.

On Tuesday afternoon he along with sub-inspector Shyam Naik and the detection staff at Deonar police station arrested 35-year-old Ram Kishen Surajmal at Chikalwadi, where he had been hiding after allegedly committing one of the most perverse sexual crimes in Mumbai’s history.

Harijan, a labourer from Ganesh Nagar chawl, Sate Nagar, Mankhurd, allegedly raped a 10-month-old girl on Tuesday night. “The incident may have occurred between 8 and 8.30pm on the highway.
Harijan took the girl from her mother on the pretext of playing some games. It was dark and Harijan used a truck as a shield to rape this girl in the most heinous way,” said the officer.
“Harijan knew the victim’s family as the girl’s mother said that he had earlier taken the girl to play. Hearing the incessant cry of her daughter, the mother ran and saw her daughter in a pool of blood and Harijan in the act. Seeing the mother, Harijan fled. The mother later filed a police complaint,” said Desai.

“What’s shocking is that the accused has indulged in ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’ sexual activities leading to heavy bleeding in the anal and vaginal area,” he said. The girl was admitted to the Sion Hospital, where she had to be operated upon.

Harijan was taken to the Nagpada Hospital for a medical exam. The police have registered cases against him under Section 376 (2F) and Section 377. “I’ve never seen such a gory sexual crime in my life. This man is a rakshas,” said Desai.

Is there no justice? None at all?

The call

2006-01-09T01:47:00.000+05:30

Don’t u just hate it? Waiting for a call is soooo...aargh! Got an email from a friend the other day. The last line of which said, 'will give u a call sometime, maybe Saturday'. Ohk. Cool. No problem.

So its Saturday.
Wake up around 9.
Look at the phone.
Have milk.
Look at the phone.
Read the newspaper.
Look at the phone.
Go take a shower (no, no, the phone's outside!)
Come out and look at the phone.
Bugger!

Went online for some time. Maybe there's a mail from him saying he's somewhere in the Arctic and isn’t near a phone. Nope. No such luck. Sigh!

Try to study. Open my notes. "Satellite Communication in India...". I can feel my phone staring at me. The Calvin screen saver innocently lookin up at me with that evil grin...no! I'm not gonna look. I’m not looking.

And then...

*Beep beep*

I reach out and snatch the phone. One message received. Come on, come on, open inbox...friggin' Hutch! I toss my phone is disgust and try and concentrate on better things like Satellite Communication. Yea, right.

15 mins later I'm fast asleep over my books.

A couple of hours later, I wake to a the sound of a bell ringing...I hurriedly look at the phone. Oh, its the door. *Groan*!

Time passes. Between studying, reading a book and watching a film, the phone did not ring and my anxiety grew like never before.

Dinner time. The phone's as silent as if it were in a graveyard!

Finally I'm gettin ready for bed. Giving the stupid phone, one last hard look, I switch off the light and go to sleep.

5AM: The phone rings suddenly in my ear causing me to wake up with a jolt and bump my
forehead on the headboard. What the…oh the phone's ringing!!

"Hello...??!!"
"Hey, were you sleeping?"
It’s him. No one else can ask such an obvious question and then expect an answer.

After 15 mins of chitchat, we say our goodbyes...And then the inevitable.

"Ok, so take care...will give you a call sometime...bye!"

Oh, well.

Anuj's tag

2006-01-06T07:24:00.000+05:30

Finally came out wid a silly rhyming story. Its exactly 55 words...so I couldnt expand, and so it might sound slightly incomplete.

Spent New Year’s Eve,
Sitting around the flames
With family and friends
Eating, drinking, playing games

Music was in full swing
Danced the night away
Smiles lighted the dark night
All were merry and gay

And then the clock struck 12
We shouted ‘Happy New Year!’
Embraced one and all
Wished them all good cheer…

Anuj...I need a loooooong break after this. So no more tagging!!

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T06:18:00.000+05:30

The merry year is born,

like the bright berry from the naked thorn.

~Hartley Coleridge

Have a wonderful year ahead folks!

I'm back!! :)

2006-01-02T06:06:00.000+05:30

I'm home! My back is aching like hell, my legs feel as if a truck ran over them, and I think i've sprained my foot, so i'm limping around the house like a handicap...but I'm sooo happy! Vaishnodevi was great! It was simply great! Right from the time I sat on the train till the time I got back, I've loved every bit of this trip! Though every year our college organises this trip, this was my first time with friends.

We were staying at a hotel in Katra- 5 girls in a tiny room. We started at around 4 in the afternoon. Took an auto till Banganga, and from there, with a loud 'Jai Mata Di!', we commenced our journey. There were some other friends, not from our college, who had decided to join us too. So we were about 15 people. But along the way some of us got separated- the speedy ones took the lead and we slow coaches dragged on after them. Three of my friends had gone barefoot- hats off to them! Taking small steps and stopping at almost every 'vishram sthal' we somehow reached Ardhkwari at around 9- that's about halfway. Then after a quick bite, we gained a li'l energy and sped on, chanting 'jai mata di' the whole time. When we finally reached the Bhawan around 11.30, we felt drained. But seeing the cheerul atmosphere around us we could feel our exhaustion being replaced by excitement and anticipation. It was really chilly up there...didnt feel it while walking but realised it later. After sumbitting our bags and shoes in a locker we joined the long queue to the temple. By the time we made it, our feet were absolutely numb coz of the cold. We went through the tunnel and then the cave...and at that point i felt it was all worth it...the long hard climb felt like child's play for 30 seconds of Mata's darshan. I could feel my tensions dissipating, and the long list of wishes I'd imagined I'd ask for, seemed so frivolous. All I could mumble was a thankyou.

After the darshan, at around 1, we ate from a dhaba nearby. And then again started the long walk back to the hotel. On our way back the lights went out and we walked in pitch dark. The sky above was studded with millions of stars, and for a moment we stood, awestruck, and admired God's handiwork. It was so...beautiful seems like such a small word! It was the most amazing sight I've ever seen. We felt so special...as if walking under a bejeweled cloak. We continued reluctantly and by the time we reached we were literally dragging ourselves to take a step. Our legs hurt so much, and resting made it almost impossible to move. We reached our hotel at 5 in the morning and I dont remember what followed after that. I only remember waking up at 12 in the afternoon the next day. And of course the pain hadnt ceased at all. We just rushed through the day, and at 5 we were on our way back. And now I'm home, feeling warm and cosy again...the pain will go, but the wonderful times we shared would always remain in my heart. And I dont think I'll ever forget that star studded night...sigh! Thanks God! :)

Jai Mata di!

2005-12-27T23:52:00.000+05:30

Wondering whts with the title of this post? well, i'm just gettin in the mood...coz i'm going to Vaishnodevi today!! Its gonna be freezing cold and its a steep 15 km (maybe more) climb to the shrine...but that's the fun! I know i'll come back with legs hurting real bad, and also probably with the severest cold ever...but who cares! What's fun without adventure and risks, right?! Sigh! There's a lotta stuff i need to get sorted out with Mata Rani... I hope She's not too busy! Anyway, I'll see you after 4 days- that is, if I get back alive!

Take care people! And wish me luck! :)
See ya

Shy's tag

2005-12-27T23:48:00.000+05:30

Shy, I did this only coz ur a veryyy sweet girl!

10 words or phrases I use most:
1) how are you?
2) damn it!
3) oh shit!
4) O my God!
5) Chill/relax yaar!
6) Puhleeze!
7) Very funny!
8) Chhavi stop it! (used in context to my niece)
9) For God's sake!
10) Jesus H Christ!

I left out some coz the person who tagged me is still under 18!

Merry Xmas!

2005-12-26T01:00:00.000+05:30

Hey everybody!

Merry Christmas! May the Love, Peace, and Joy of Christmas be yours always! God bless you all! Have a swell time!

Old Love

2005-12-22T04:41:00.000+05:30

No, no, this isn’t a post on Jeffrey Archer’s collection of short stories…though they were splendid! I just stole the title of one of them, because well, I thought it was apt for the subject of what I’m going to write- my parents.

My parents got married way back in September, 1969. An arranged marriage, they knew nothing about each other. My mom, a young, innocent girl of 20 and my dad, a handsome 24 year old! Even after marriage they hardly got to know one another. My brother was born a year after and the 2nd one followed soon. Mom got bound taking care of two of the brattiest kids ever to be born while dad got busy with his ever-increasing workload.

Years went by. Just when they thought they could have some fun when my brothers were old enough to take care of themselves, I came into the picture. You’d think I’d do them a favor by being a good girl…no, sire! I monopolized all of my parents’ time and they got to spend none with each other.

Soon my brothers got married. Then my niece was born. Mom got busy and dad got busier. Their behavior with each other wasn’t what they really wanted it to be. They found time to quarrel with one another…and grew further apart.

It’s been a while now…I sort of, became used to their constant bickering. But I’ve noticed, ever since dad retired, it’s gone down considerably. Finally after all those years, they’re able to take time out for themselves. They go out a lot now, meet up with old friends, and spend quiet moments together. It’s so nice to see them look at each other with affection. My heart swells when I see them holding hands and taking walks together.
I smile, and realize my parents fell in love…again.

Angel

2005-12-16T07:01:00.000+05:30

I’ve always been intrigued by the word ‘angel’. Who or what is an angel? Is their existence a myth, or a fact?

It has been said that Christians are "pretty narrow minded" to limit the population of the universe to merely God, Angels, and Man. However, within the classification of angels exist diverse myriads. Hierarchies of innumerable angels still populate the universe. These angelic non-human intelligent beings built civilizations in our solar system -- even upon the Earth -- before Adam.

Angels are intelligent beings who are non-human, intelligent, mysterious beings who are "alien" to us. The concept of an angel comes from the Greek aggelos; from the Hebrew ago for "one going forth" or "one leading"; messenger. Not all angels are "good". Although the angels were originally created by God to convey His "message" for His purposes according to His plan, some angels rebelled; some angels go forth to give their own message, to carry out their own plans.

The angels are represented throughout the Bible as a body of spiritual beings intermediate between God and men: "You have made him (man) a little less than the angels" (Psalm 8:6). They, equally with man, are created beings; "praise ye Him, all His angels: praise ye Him, all His hosts . . . for He spoke and they were made. He commanded and they were created" (Psalm 148:2, 5; Colossians 1:16-17). “They are spirits”, the writer of the Epistle to the Hebrews says: "Are they not all ministering spirits, sent to minister to them who shall receive the inheritance of salvation?" (Heb. i, 14).

That’s what they say…but its only one school of thought. I say I meet an angel everyday. The shopkeeper across the street who remembers me, the woman I met on the bus who helped me find a seat , the guy on the radio playing my favorite song, the kid who smiled at me for no reason, the dog that followed me home…they’re right here, taking care of me, ensuring my happiness.

Turning night to day
and sand to gold
Tears to smiles
and new to old,
Hold my hand
while I tread
This twisting winding
road ahead.
My angel, my friend
be by my side,
Until I conquer
the rising tide...

Hug, anyone?

2005-12-10T06:21:00.000+05:30

Today was an off from college. Found time to relax after ages! But too much relaxation can get boring eventually. Having found nothing better to do, I surfed the net for a while. And I came across this absolutely delightful poem that made me want to hug someone right away! I don’t know who wrote it, but it sure gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. And I’d love to share it with you all!

It's wonderful what a hug can do
A hug can cheer you when you're blue.
A hug can say "I love you so".
Or "Gee, I hate to see you go".
A hug is "welcome back again";
And, “Great to see you! Where've you been?"
A hug can soothe a small child's pain,
and bring a rainbow after the rain.
The hug! There's just no doubt about it--
We scarcely could survive without it!
A hug delights and warms and charms.
It must be why God gave us arms.
Hugs are great for fathers and mothers.
Sweet for sisters. Swell for brothers.
And chances are your favorite aunts
Love them more than potted plants.
Kittens crave them. Puppies love them.
Heads of State are not above them.
A hug can break the language barrier.
And make your travels so much merrier.
The more you give the more there's of 'em.
So stretch those arms without delay
and give someone a Hug today!

I just went and bear-hugged my niece and my mom. Oh and here’s a big virtual one coming your way!

The story tag

2005-12-05T09:52:00.000+05:30

Well since this was a somewhat unusual tag, I decided its worth a shot. I was sposed to write a story beginning with ""She ran her hands over his face, his hair, tears streaming down her face all the while..." This is my first attempt at writing any kind of story...so feel free to barf!

So here goes nothing...

She ran her hands over his face, his hair, tears streaming down her face all the while...

"Mommy why are you crying" he asked, in a voice that was almost a whisper, and that made her cry even more.

Her thoughts went back to the time when he was born. A normal 3 pound chubby baby boy, he was all she had wanted all her life. At first she didn’t know how she would cope as a single mother, but when the doctor told her she was going to have a son, she couldn’t help dreaming aloud. Maybe he was all she needed to fill the void in her life. He was all hers. She decided to call him Aditya, because he was like the sun that lit her dark and empty world.

It amazed her to see how quickly Adi grew. He seemed to be in a hurry to discover the world around him. His eyes were always wide open, as if he was in awe of his surroundings. And he insisted on putting apart every toy she got for him, longing to know what lay beneath.

When Aditya started school, at first he was disturbed by the change in his surroundings. He wanted Mommy by his side, and her absence annoyed him. But soon he began to take an interest in the little people around him. He was happy to be able to communicate eye- to- eye instead of always looking up. It was only a matter of days when he became popular with his teachers and classmates. His witty answers and chatty nature made him the favorite kid in school. He developed a likeness for all sports, swimming being his passion. She was proud of him. When he won the trophy for being the best swimmer in his age group, there were tears in her eyes. They were happy together, in their own little world.

Then the world came crashing.

One sunny afternoon while playing with his friends, he suddenly fainted. She rushed him to the hospital. They told her they’d have to run some tests. Meanwhile Adi was admitted. “What is wrong with my son? Why can’t he go home?”, she demanded.
“Ma’am, please be patient. The test results would be out soon.” She had this nagging feeling that something was wrong. Very wrong.
The doctor diagnosed Adi with leukemia. As he broke the news to her, she could feel her knees going weak.
“How do I get rid of it?”, she asked bluntly.
“Well, leukemia is treated by combination chemotherapy and sometimes radiation, but…”
“But what?” The doctor looked her in the eye and said, “The five year survival rate for children diagnosed with leukemia and subsequently treated is approximately 70%.”
She slumped into a chair. She could feel herself trembling. Thoughts ran to and fro in her head. They’d given her son less than 5 years to live. It was so unfair. How could this be true? Maybe the doctor was wrong. Adi wasn’t going to die. He can’t. He had so much to do…he couldn’t leave his work unfinished, it would bother him. “No!”, she screamed startling herself as well as the doctor. Then she buried her face in her hands and wept softly.

She went to see him in his room. He was propped against a pillow, reading his favorite bedtime storybook. His eyes lit up, when he saw her. “Mommy!” She tried and composed herself. “Hey ace!”
She took his hand and kissed it. He threw his arms around her and said, “I’ve missed you! Can we go home now?”
She looked at him. He was so young, so small. Her eyes welled up at his questioning looks. Darkness was looming above, so close…and the sun was setting on her life.

Sadness

2005-12-01T06:42:00.000+05:30

I know I said I'd try and post something cheerful next time...but being unwell sometimes takes its toll on you. And since an empty mind works overtime, I again came out with something dull. Please bear with me...

Misty, foggy, dull
The day matches my mood
People around me smile
So why do I brood?

I feel I want to cry
But no tears come out
I try to be happy
But still, I sit and pout

Anger, hatred, jealousy
Rest inside me
For whom, I don’t know
They’re waiting to be free

Should I let them out?
Or lock them somewhere
And hide the key
And pretend not to care

For fear they might hurt
Someone I dearly love
And break the delicate bonds
That God lovingly wove

I need to find a way
Out of this strange madness
And make sense of it all
Before I sink into sadness...

Trapped

2005-11-27T09:13:00.000+05:30

Shut inside
That dark dingy cell
Trying to find a way out
Unable to take the gloom anymore
Tired of living in the murk
Scared of being alone forever
Screaming in frenzy
For somebody to rescue me
And set my soul free…
Nobody appears.

Conscious of being on my own
I grope about like a blind
Feeling the bare walls
With my hands
Looking for an escape
From that cage
Desperate for freedom
And then
I find a door
My spirits rise…
I hope to see light
With shaking hands I turn the knob…
It’s locked.

I sink to the floor in anguish
Weeping…
And waiting

Hide and Seek

2005-11-17T05:50:00.000+05:30

As I watch my 6 yr old niece running and shrieking at the top of her voice, chasing her friend around the house, I feel nostalgic all of a sudden. I find myself thinking of the time when I was 6, when I used to run around without a care in the world. When I used to go crazy over cotton candy, bawl and make a scene so my folks would buy me my favorite toy, make sand castles, get scared of a rubber mask, be kutty wid my friend and abba the next min! When i sneaked into my mom's room and smear all her lipsticks on my face, and wrap her dupatta around me like a saree and pretend to be a famous movie star! When my favourite meal was Maggi and a treat meant getting to eat a whole packet of Gems, without sharing! When I got excited about going to the railway station and look at the trains, or looking up and waving at the aeroplanes that went by, stupidly believing that they're waving back! When getting a 'star' in my notebook meant getting treated to an ice cream. When getting BonBon chocolate biscuits in tiffin was considered a delicacy. When I got nightmares of having to apply Dettol on my cuts and bruises and when band-aids were 'in fashion'!!

Being a kid was so much fun! I just stood and gazed at my niece, lost in thought...when all of a sudden, she looked up and called, "Bujiii, lets play hide and seek, but I'll hide and you'll seek!" I smiled and turned to face the wall and start the long count from 1 to 10...realising, I'm not so grown up after all! The kid is hiding inside me...all I have to do, is find her.